Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

I’m shocked at some of replies on here, suggesting it’s unreasonable an adult pays their way or cooks their own meals! Some of the people may be homeowners or social tenants with much lower housing costs. For parents who are private tenants, are they supposed to absorb huge rent increases while adult children contribute nothing?

'Massive salad' etc. Own up, which tattle member has whipped up this frenzy of outrage ? Just too easy....

She hasn't put him in that situation.
She's not the one who's filling the fridge full of beer.

I always have a few days worth of ingredients in my fridge, if that got taken over with beer meaning I had nowhere to store fresh ingredients then it wouldn't be me putting other people in that situation.

Yes I reckon they must have an alcohol problem.

It is similar because it is two houses where the parents make it impossible for a compromise to be met.
It is similar because for every solution, the parents find a reason to disallow it.
If the problem was really that the fridge was FULL of beer, the OP would have removed some of them (one single shelf) to make space for his food already. Or to have purchased a fridge big enough to hold food for the people who live in the house. She and her husband haven’t. Which either means a) the dad would be furious if his beer was removed to make room for someone else’s food (which my step dad would have been), or b) she simply wants create another reason why he can’t possibly expect to have food in the house.

Why on earth are you completely ignoring the facts that

The son is not the OP'S

The son is a working ADULT

The father of said son is in the same house

The father and son have filled the fridge full of THEIR BEERS AND SNACKS

The son should be perfectly capable of buying his own ingredients, storing them (instead of his beers, or buying his own fridge) and cooking his own meals.

I really would like you to explain why you are putting the onus on the OP to feed this adult stepson? Why not the adult himself or his Dad??

Why her?

How many beers do they drink per day? Store them somewhere else just leaving 2 or 3 in the fridge, when they take one out replenish it with the stock you have - that will create more space.

If the alternative freezer you have is full of meat why can something not be taken out each morning and he cook it for dinner?

I would personally allocate a small space in the fridge for his veg as needed (he surely can just have 2-4 vegetables that are used on rotation for his meals during that week) and then say that he can have the freezer in the other room for any meat he wants to buy and it’s his responsibility to take it out the day before or morning that he wants it.

You must be wasting a huge amount of money buying bits whenever, it’s also teaching him a really bad way to manage his money for when he gets his own place. Why can you not sit down together and make a list and do an online shop / click and collect once every couple of weeks?

He should be given fridge space.

This

Oh fgs! Yes we KNOW she is not the one filling the fridge with beer and we KNOW the fridge is full of beer because both DS and DH FILL it with beer - you have made that point every single reply you have made to my posts! Plus it has also been mentioned many times on this thread that the FRIDGE IS FULL OF FRIGGIN BEER and there is ‘apparently’ nowhere to store fresh ingredients!!

My point is the DH is just as responsible for filling the fridge with beer as is the DS but op isn’t moaning about her DH or claiming there is no storage for his food! She only seems to be focusing on DS when BOTH are responsible for filling the fridge with beer!So unfortunately your argument doesn’t stand up against what I’m trying to say!

All we are doing is going around in circles so if you come back to me one more time with “but the fridge is full of beer” or “but the op is not the one filling the fridge with beer” I will just ignore you because you’re just saying the same thing over and over again! And she IS putting only him in that situation because is only resentful of the DS for it rather than her DH as well and she is actually charging DS for food but moaning about providing it!!!

"...I don't feel like cooking in this heat and didn't think many people ate hot meals through the summer I know I didn't growing up "

That's really interesting. My experience growing up was totally different.

I don't recall ever having an evening meal during the week that wasn't cooked.

The only time I recall not having a hot meal in the evening was on some Sundays (after we'd had Sunday lunch) that my mum would serve up what she would call a "half-a-crown tea". This would be sandwiches, a bit of cake and some fancy biscuits like chocolate fingers.

For context this was back in the 1970s.

[I later found out that a "half-a-crown tea" back in the day was sort of like a cheap version of the posh "afternoon tea" that high end hotels do.]

But, to be totally frank, ever since then I don't think that I have ever had an uncooked meal in the evening - ever. Even if it was just, say, baked beans on toast.

It's always interesting to learn how other people live.

You are charging him for food so you need to make sure there is food in the house for him to cook and eat. He can/ should definitely be making his own meals if you are not eating at the same time but you need to supply the food.

Or decrease his rent and let him buy some food himself. There must be some space. This would be the better option, he can plan the meals himself and you don’t even need to think about it.

It’s unfair to say he can’t buy any food himself because there is no room but then to charge him for food and not buy it for him.

Charge him less rent and let him sort it out himself.

I am guessing it's a regular size fridge? Could they have 6 beers in the fridge and the rest for food?

Get a drinks fridge. Give him some basic recipes and get him the bits in to make them. Surely you can just have a load of cupboard food available? Eg he could make some spaghetti bolognaise with a carrot, an onion, tinned tomatoes, and some mince from the freezer. Not challenging. Also you could make food that you freeze some of so you have stuff in he can microwave.

Yes because I apparently keep having to make it because for some reason over and over and over again people keep trying to make out that the OP is the one causing this situation and she won't let the poor son eat. She's not allowing him to do this, she's not allowing him to do that. She's not stopping him from doing anything!

As I said, maybe she doesn't moan about the DH because he isn't the one expecting her to go out every evening to buy ingredients.

Tbh I don't care if you ignore my posts, I don't look at the usernames though, so any 'she's not allowing' this or that and I'm probably gonna reply regardless to explain that he is allowed, he's just filling the fridge with beer instead. 😂

Ok, there’s an easy way to settle this

@palmtreesands how would your husband respond to you clearing the fridge of beer?

Are you crazy.. the beers are the husbands , as if in the real world some beers wouldn't be pushed to the side to get some food bits in. The op contradicts herself.. claims she don't eat don't cook but there's no room for the fruit she wants to get. The boy pays them. They have a fridge and freezer!! Put some bloody food in it. This is a total non event as you ppl say.

£400pcm is about what you'd pay around here for a house share before buying and cooking your own food.

As he's family, why can't he share the cooking? Presumably he's a healthy young man. He's deffo way too old to mother.

We don't actually know how old he is.

This is crazy. You’re not eating because it’s too hot? Bloody hell. I’m completely in the wrong as I’ve just put jacket potatoes in the oven (yes I’m gonna get flamed as we won’t eat until 1030!) and last week I used the slow cooker!

Yes he’d pay £400 in a house share, but in a house share he’d have his own room in the fridge/freezer and cupboards.

YABVU.

He can stop storing his beers in the fridge and he can ask his Dad to make room for his food over dads beers!

The OP is not taking any fridge space.

It's up to her DH and HIS son (who fill the fridge with THEIR BEERS) to sort something out. Not the OP.

Can you really not see this?

Is this your way of driving him out? Let him have space in the fridge and freezer and cook for himself. You can store your salad stuff in a smaller container

Utterly ridiculous. He's giving you £400 a month and you can't be bothered to buy him food??

Get bread, eggs, beans, some fresh salad veg, tins of beans etc.

There's something very wrong with your life if all your fridge contains is beer and snacks.

She isn’t fully causing the situation on her own , no! But she is most definitely contributing to it.

She charges the DS £400 a month which includes food, but begrudges providing that food / begrudges letting him bring his own food into the house to store it - because he DH has also just as equally filled up the fridge with beer! Her only option is to then go to the shop when he returns to work to buy him food (which he’s given her money for from the £400) she is charging him which she is now complaining about having to do! Yet doesn’t want him going to the shop to buy his own food because there is apparently no space in the fridge!

So in reality she is charging DS for something she is unable to provide- which is food (or storage of food). As I said, it isn’t just the DS who is stocking up on beer!

She may not moan about the DH, he may go and buy his own food and cook it himself who knows! But it makes no difference in this situation as she is basically moaning about the DS needing to eat!

I think if he brought home something each evening to make then he'd be doing exactly what I'm doing for him but that doesn't seem right

Why not right, OP?

So, what do YOU want him to do?