Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

What I can't see is that three adults in a house can't talk about what needs to be done and sort it out between them.

‘You need to sort your own dinners son. You can use as much of the fridge as you need but I need room for my food. If you also want cold beer on tap maybe buy a little fridge for your room.’ There. Sorted.

I am so late to this thread that probably all questions have been answered. Sorry. But my DS (age 19) also has a different schedule to my household. He is starting to contribute to the household budget from 1st Sept. £100 pcm. He also stays with his dad so this seemed a fair start. That covers food, bills, council tax. He is a student but has a part-time job. I organise the food shop, but he also wants to eat in the evening whereas I don't. So he cooks for him - gosh the difference in quality! If I cook - fresh, lots of veg. If he cooks bare minimum. I have taught him a few basic meals. But it is worrying - these young people need to cook healthy meals - know what that is - and be able to clean up.

We have a little fridge in his room for soft drinks. They are not great but we picked this one up off facebook for £10. So it does. Wouldn't trust it an inch for food or milk!

and your husband eats lunch and dinner at work seven days a week ?

You clearly couldn’t give a damn about your son - stop creaming off his contribution if you and your husband are not allowing him space.

Just buy a bigger fridge if the one you have isn't big enough for 3 people. Then stop taking his money for food you aren't buying and get him to shop and cook for himself. Your whole fridge clearly isn't full to the brim with 'snacks and beer'. What a pointless thread so easily resolved with some common sense.

Do online shopping, he can add to the basket, set a delivery once a week - he cooks for himself. assume he's an adult?

My mum was exactly like you in that she didn't really eat proper meals once I got to a teenager and she deemed me able to cook for myself. She hated cooking and there was never a proper dinner on the table unless I made it.

Fine, she can eat what she wants and I was happy to cook for myself, but the issue was there was never any food I could actually cook and I didn't have any money to buy it myself.

Whenever she went shopping, she bought what she felt was enough and didn't think about the fact I actually wanted to eat proper meals, and not survive of her rations. She would buy one pizza and think that was enough to feed her and two teenagers for dinner. There was never any ingredients to make an actual meal.

I was constantly starving and saying I was hungry - she'd tell me to eat some crackers and butter.

I don't know why you are stressing about this everyday, it's easy to start doing a weekly shop for dinners for him (either you or him can do this), and then tell them the beer needs to go from the fridge to make room for the food. They can buy a mini fridge if it's that much of an issue.

Is your dh planning on taking up less room in the fridge for his beer when your baby needs feeding? Os he planning on feeding his next child better than his son?

So you and your husband take £400 of this lad and neither of you can be bothered to cook him a proper meal when he gets home...pretty shoddy parenting in my opinion.
I never took any money of my children and still provided them with a cooked meal when they got home after a long day working and commuting. They inturn would cook for us at weekends.

Well said @jaimelesoleil i totally agree,

A 17 page thread on MN about fridge space? Wow.

Op referred to him in the title post as her son and in another post where she explains that's he's her step son but she considers him her own.
So why would you take rent from your child grown up or not.
Fair enough if he's able to cook and look after himself he should do it but to say you can't be bothered to do it is just ridiculous.
Toughen up and clear the fridge out of the beer and junk, then there will be space for food.
How bloody ridiculous for a 'family' to behave that way with eachother.
I think another poster is correct that this is wind up because who would behave like that.

Tell him that the £400 covers accommodation and bills and that cooking, laundry and cleaning are not part of the deal.

Jesus, OP, but you sound like a lazy, thick, careless cow here, with your 'picky teas' and can't be bothered with 'hot dinners', What are you taking £400 off this lad for if not to provide some kind of home comforts? He's not eating food you and his father are providing, he's not allowed to put his own food in the kitchen to cook for himself. Do you really just want him to fuck off out of your house to his own place? Or do you find the £400 convenient, but would rather not provide anything for it?

Personally, I have always taken a bit of pride and pleasure in providing decent home cooking for my family, even - actually especially - when I was working FT and commuting. DS and his GF will be staying here this weekend in order to get to work at a three-day booking. Long days to earn some extra money to go travelling. I couldn't be prouder of their efforts and will ensure they go off with a good breakfast, and can have a decent dinner when they get back. It feels like a small gesture of care and love to show them that their work and efforts are valued, and to give them a sense of home.

Unless there's some massive back story about how DSS and his father are actually prize pricks and hateful to you, I feel sorry for this lad and annoyed on his behalf by your carelessness. And I'm not usually a judgemental twat on here.

Why would an adult expect to live there for free exactly?

Eh?
The £400 covers rent and bills, nor a live in maid service.

The thing is…. Op has stated very clearly in her first post that the £400 does include food!

She actually said he expects there to be food.* *

I don't know where you are but the temperature has dramatically reduced here and we've had mostly wind and rain. Eating a hot meal is actually the best way to cool down. I only know because I questioned why they were serving DD a roast dinner in hospital during a heat wave🥵🥵🥵the staff explained it.

Because of our internal thermostat which causes us to perspire. The perspiration on our skin then cools the skin. Same with a hot cup of tea. Cold food and drinks might cool you down briefly but they don't get rid of the excess heat in the body. So hot food does warm us up. But it also cools us down.

This thread has to be a wind up surely? OP poses a scenario where she's ruled out every solution. She comes back to the thread but answers almost no questions about the problem, just her own eating habits. No explanation for why DS can't cook for himself. No explanation for why the fridge has to he full of beer.

I don't think she wants a solution from MN.

I would cook for my son, if I loved him and if I had him happily being at home, agreed to that, and he is good, gives me 400 pounds and does not come with a different lady each night, yes, I would cook.

Cooking and cleaning has been my job requirements on previous jobs. There is nothing special or hard about it. Nor difficult.

And?? She also said that the food comes out of the money he pays her when she goes to the shop after he finishes work and that if he buys things himself he will just end up buying a load of stuff that there is no room in the fridge for - or words to that effect! So she is charging him money which op has said includes food! However, of the DS wants to buy something for himself then there is no room in the fridge but op said she can’t be bothered to cook him anything! The DS simply cannot win in this situation- op can’t be bothered to cook for him but doesn’t want him to buy his own food to cook either so goes out to the shop to buy it herself! I’m not quite sure what she’s complaining about apart from beers being in the fridge! Which is also 50% her DH’s fault!