Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

You can get some fridges with a small built in freezer. I’ve just come back from holiday and was staying in an apartment which had one of these. So if it’s one of those types of freezer then it’s basically only a small compartment inside the fridge and doesn’t fit much frozen food in it.

However, I agree about the fridge - I would also like to see a picture of the fridge and how so much beer has been allowed to take over it.

You either have to feed the man or let him have fridge space to feed himself. Either is fine but not neither. This is not a complicated issue.

She doesn’t. But she does therefore have to allow him to have food stored in the house to cook himself, as she is charging him £400 a month which she says includes food

she cannot do this and expect him to then go out every day to buy just what he needs that day to eat, because she will not make provisions for him to store food at home.

Your son pays you rent...?

It's not rent exactly, it's for his food and shelter. Yes I know, it's a joke.

I am wondering if the op wants him to leave home now she is having a baby. She may feel the place will be too crowded once the baby is born and there certainly won't be any more room in the fridge or freezer.

A sad business. Poor lad must feel unwanted. Someone will want him though and then he won't want his parents. What goes around comes around.

I don't believe this is a genuine post. Mother charging her son to live at home? Mother begrudging her son food? Either this is a sick joke or this is not a family but a bunch of flatmates.

How old’s your son, OP? Does he work out of the house?

You absolutely shouldn’t cook for him alone if you don’t want to. My son’s early 20s and cooks for the whole family at least once a week, often with food he’s bought himself.

But if he cooks his own meals then he’ll need somewhere to store the food. It’s a bit much having to shop every day. And maybe he should get a discount on his rent if it originally included food. If it’s his beer in the fridge, then he’ll have to store it elsewhere other than the odd can chilling.

Everyones 'allowed' to eat! There's just no room to store loads of food in the fridge because of the beer.

Perhaps she's only directing her frustrations at the DS because he's the one expecting a cooked dinner every evening and the DH isn't?

I

More to the point, when op’s baby is born how is she going to store the baby’s food when the baby moves on to solids? Or is some space just miraculously going to become available in the fridge? 🤔 Works both ways.

No it doesn't.
He clearly is allowed to use the fridge seeing as him and the dad are filling it with beer.

It doesn’t grind you down?

Oh thanks for that. I wish I’d have known that 15 years ago when I was experiencing it.

Get a cool box for the beer.

He could do an on-line food shop & deduct the cost from his rent.

Full-grown working adults should be paying their way in life. I used to pay 1/3rd of all the household bills in a house of three adults when I lived at home. And not all families can afford to keep on a larger house for all the grown kids who expect to be fed and provided with despite often out-earning their parents.

In OPs situation though the simple thing is to
A. Do a shop for everyone, empty the beer out of the fridge and fill it with food
B. Buy food that doesn't need refrigeration / freezing
C. Charge him less rent so he buys his own food

I meant that no it doesn't sound similar.
He has access to the fridge and he does use it, he just uses it for beer instead.

If a man ever told me a sob story about how when he lived at home there was no room in the fridge for his food because it was so full of his beer then I'd run a mile.

Each to their own but your family life and eating habits seem rather chaotic to me. If you don't want to pop to the shops every day then the solution is surely to plan some meals im advance or allow your son to do so. Given that you don't do a big shop and seem not to eat dinner, I can't imagine you don't have room in the fridge. Simply store the beer outside the fridge and they can chill some as and when they need it. This is absolutely bizarre and you're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

😂😂😂 you think you know of it sounds similar to my experience better than I do?

It’s not impossible that the dad would be very unhappy about his beers being removed from a fridge in a house where they leave no room or importance for food.

And why not?

Children can't sponge off their parents when they are grown-up.

So you don't want to cook for him, won't allow him to buy his own food and charge him £400/month to include his food but then don't buy food for him to cook himself...

I can think of a few choice words but they would get me banned.

You are being so unbelievably unreasonable.

You are being unreasonable
I don't get people that charge their children rent £400 a month can't leave him much.
You don't want to cook for him you won't give him space for food.
Let's hope you don't end up needing him to care for you someday
I'm surprised he hasn't moved out.
It's shocking if that's how you treat your own child.
Is that how you were treated as a child?

Op hasn’t actually said he ‘isn’t allowed to eat’, no - but she isn’t actually allowing him to eat! She has said he comes home expecting a home cooked dinner - yes. But then goes on to say “If I haven’t cooked or we’ve eaten out he expects there to be ingredients to MAKE HIMSELF SOMETHING TO EAT”, she also says “there often isn’t and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for”

So yes, whilst op hasn’t openly said to him “you are not allowed to eat” she has put him in a situation where she is actually not allowing to eat - if that makes sense. Yes there are beers in the fridge but it’s not all down to the DS, it’s DH too but op only seems resentful of the DS for some reason. What I don’t understand is that unless the fridge is one of those mini drinks fridges you keep on the counter top, how can there be so much beer that there is very little storage for food. Which is now making me wonder if the DH and possibly DS have some sort of alcohol problem.

Well you said you weren't allowed to use the washing machine.

He IS allowed to use the fridge. He just uses it for beer.

They're clearly not in any way similar.

Come on everybody... this is clearly a wind up! 😂

You sound quite mean towards your step-son. In fact, the eating habits of both you and your husband are quite odd, as it appears neither of you really eat much nor eat dinner. There really should be a family discussion, so that your stepson has space to store groceries and left over food. From other commenters, it appears you are pregnant. Do you not intend to feed your child nutritious, hot dinners either?