Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

I do wonder where his actual father fits into this.
Yes, there should be food in. But who think of it/buys it/cooks it is a different issue.
If they can put beer and snacks in the fridge can they not put food in it?
And get more storage! How the heck can you not have enough room, especially if you and your DP hardly keep any food in?

I'm tempted to ask the OP to put up a picture of the fridge full of beer and snacks and the freezer with no room in it. Because I don't believe her.

This!

Why are so many posters making it her problem to solve?

The 2 men involved can get a separate fridge for their beers or sons food and he can cook his own meals!

If the son thinks his £400pm should include food he should take it up with his Dad surely? They can go food shopping for him when they go for their beer and snack supplies!

In short this isn't OP'S problem is it - unless you think it's "women's work"??🙄

£400 is cheap without food!

Why "cruel"?

He's an adult and his Dad lives with him. Why is it the OP who is being focused on?

Why do YOU think it's the OP's place to sort this out?

If you have a freezer then buy and store food in it. Do an online shop to get groceries in for a week. Not everything needs refrigeration. Daily take one item of meat out of freezer at night and put it in the fridge. Overnight it will defrost in the fridge. Then marinate in the morning and in the evening pop into oven. Boil some pasta, or make some rice, spaghetti etc. and serve cooked meat with chosen carbs and a side of veg. It really isn’t rocket science. How old are you and why haven’t you learnt to cook till now when you have an adult/teenage son?! How do you expect him to learn to cook if you never model good eating habits?! Graze all day and don’t eat at meal times?! Bizarre!

Or the DP could do this for his own son (not op who isn’t his real mum)???

Sounds like he has had a difficult upbringing. Living with his father but his father doesnt make him food. Raising him on takeout or letting him fend for himself.

He is not your son. This is your husband‘s issue to sort. Direct him to his father.

how old is he?

I've solved this problem!
Get him to buy his own small fridge, he can store what he likes then and cook his own delicious dinners.....,,

And I'm willing to bet that in about 2 months we'll hear his he leaves a mess in the kitchen and has ruined all the pans.

So OP what is exactly the issue? Is it you feeling you should cook him a meal or has he said he expects it. You could solve this problem by being clear with what you're providing space wise is the fridge. After all we could all be being very mean here ....

What's in your fridge when you don't eat lunch or tea at home 5 nights a week?

You won't cook for him, buy ingredients for him to cook or allow him space in the fridge for his own food??? You and your dh are awful.

£400 per month to live with his dad and is grudged an evening meal!!! Ridiculous.

She said she thinks of him as her son. She calls him her son. This sounds like a very dysfunctional household all round. The DH should certainly pull his weight but we don't know if the son is 18 or 38 - I suspect at the younger end. Has anybody even bothered to teach him to cook? I doubt it if no-one else in the house cooks.

The fact that his Mum won't let him store any food in the fridge and freezer obviously!

Wow. This is pretty unfair

OP have you issues with food and eating? It's really not normal to survive on a salad a day, even if it is "massive".

Sounds more like a house share than a family. All sounds a bit cold and uncaring.

Give him a shelf in the fridge and cupboard space and he can shop, cook and clear up after himself. You could reduce his rent so it doesn’t include shopping and your time cooking.

If he brought a bag or 2 of shopping home, would you let him store it?

You say you don’t have fridge/freezer space but what about cupboard space?
Things like beans, pasta, rice etc

He could get a packet of spaghetti, jar of bolognaise sauce and packet of mince which is easy to cook and last a couple of meals at least.

He should have a shelf in the cupboard and a shelf in the fridge.

Tell him to look in the freezer and make meals from that meat.
You and DH may need to help him with this.
He can plan his weekly meals and buy the dry ingredients for it and then take out the needed meat the night before.

If the fridge is full of beer then they need to put less in and replace them as they get drunk.

How old is he?

It would be easier to meal plan and cook a proper meal but a large portion that can be had over a couple of days, than what you’re doing now.

It sounds very similar to the set up at my parents’ house. I wasn’t allowed to use the washing machine, wasn’t allowed to put my clothes in with theirs, when I started going to a laundrette I was “always having to make a spiteful point”. I wasn’t allowed to cook my own food, eat their food and when I ate out I was again “making a point”.
It grinds you down. I am no longer in contact with them.

He's an adult, right?
Being able to feed yourself is a pretty basic life skill.
Are you expected to be maid and bottle-washer because you're female?
Fuck that.

That’s so sad to read.

Yes I did, thanks for pointing that out. In which case, another fridge is indicated surely.

This is either made up or you're crazy. What kind of a mum are you?? Cook the boy some bloody dinner or get some food in for him to cook . You steal £400 off him and then come here on mumsnet to bad mouth him. And what's this utter nonsense about space in the fridge and freezer.. you don't do any cooking yourself so what's eating up (excuse the pun) all the space.

Are you crazy. She takes money off him but won't allow him to put his own ingredients in the fridge!!

My DS has recently returned home after graduation. I also don't always want to cook in the evening - certainly don't when it's just me. I also feel obliged to either have a meal prepared or at least options for him to prepare something. We have a small fridge (no room for larger) and I make sure there are things that can be cooked in it if I don't want to cook. On the occasions I don't want to cook, or can't because I'm out, I find he generally gets himself a takeaway. His choice.

If your fridge is full of beer then it's an easy conversation: the fridge can't accommodate all this beer as well as enough food so just keep a few beers in it please so that I can provide you with food you can cook.