To not understand this , dp is leaving me

justhataye · 2024-08-28T03:02:03+00:00

Hi everyone It's 4am I am tired and livid Our poor baby who has the cold atm woke up during the night screaming , dp was trying to soothe baby whilst I went downstairs to get baby his medicine & some water etc for him, when I had came upstairs dp was frustrated as baby wouldn't settle & dp raised his voice at me about how I was taking my time downstairs I replied "I don't know who you're speaking to like that lower your voice towards me" his reply was "I'm fed up of the way you speak to me I'm done with you I'm leaving in the morning" which I replied "why are you waiting till the morning? You have a car outside, go now" He is now sobbing asking why I didn't beg for him and treating me as if I caused this whole situation. I am sorry but if you don't want to be with me I will walk you to the door . I don't beg , absolutely not. Am In the wrong here? He's seriously making me feel as if I am.

AthenaBasil · 28/08/2024 04:05

You both sound stressed but no you did nothing wrong. It’s rather pathetic threatening to leave and expecting someone to beg but like I said he does sound stressed so if it’s a one off incident said in heat of the moment you hopefully can work things out.

coffy11 · 28/08/2024 04:07

I would have said the same thing if my husband said that. There's the door.
Good for you for standing up to him, his manipulation didn't work so now he's changed tact and making himself the victim.

MumChp · 28/08/2024 04:10

Consider couple therapy. Children can be hard on a relationship. It's a stressful time having young children.

suburberphobe · 28/08/2024 04:12

Many men cannot deal with a new baby.

Good for you for telling him to 'go now"

He'll be back tomorrow or the next day, but become a single mum.

Never leave him with your baby. He will always be selfish. Divorce and get him to pay his dues for his child.

You've got this. Get your family and friends onboard.

I did it. All worked out fine eventually.

Function · 28/08/2024 04:13

4am with an ill baby does not bring out the best in people

HomeTheatreSystem · 28/08/2024 04:18

You are a mother to your baby, not your DP. Not surprised you reacted the way you did. He needs to grow up.

CatsandtheBear · 28/08/2024 04:22

He is threatening to leave because he was tired and didn't like you pulling him up on his behaviour.

Any other time I would say LTB, but a sick baby creates devils of us all.
I would have a stern chat and say you don't take kindly to being threatened and if he wants reassurance or to talk about the relationship, he needs to choose an appropriate time.

It sounds like you are both exhausted and he is a dick, but you handled things bloody perfectly and called his bluff.

Well done you!!!
Not in the slightest bit wrong and please hold firm to that. If you let him think that he was in the right, he will trot out the "I'm leaving" any time he is annoyed for the next 50 years (not sure how old you are)

suburberphobe · 28/08/2024 04:22

He is now sobbing asking why I didn't beg for him and treating me as if I caused this whole situation.

He's a child or an adult?

He's not being honest. He will always bullshit you.

Why the fuck should a grown woman BEG for a man? Pathetic.

You deserve an adult man in your life, not an overgrown child.

Go for it.

Poppins21 · 28/08/2024 04:32

Function · 28/08/2024 04:13

4am with an ill baby does not bring out the best in people

This completely.

Butwhataboutthelastcopy · 28/08/2024 04:33

Well done for not taking any bullshit op as your dp’s behaviour was pathetic on many fronts.

He made an already stressful situation worse, and all about him, when he should have been a calm, strong supporter.

But it’s 4 am, you are both tired and the baby is ill.

Hope you can get some sleep now and discuss this all in a calm, more rational manner later on this morning.

ChampagneLassie · 28/08/2024 04:33

👋 I’ve got a one week old and my DP and I are working like a team and it’s been lovely BUT with our first DC now 2.5 there were many moments like this in the early days. Having a baby is overwhelming and stressful and nerves are frayed. Try to have a chat in morning and remind each other what you love about one another 💐

oakleaffy · 28/08/2024 04:33

A screaming baby at 4am is no fun for anyone.

Babies place massive strain on many relationships.

Lack of sleep can be brutal.

The sound of a screaming baby is designed to be very disturbing- it is one of the world's ''worst sounds'' .

No one likes being ripped from sleep at 4am by screaming- but that's what life is like when one chooses to have a baby- unless one can afford a night nanny!

Allthehorsesintheworld · 28/08/2024 04:35

HomeTheatreSystem · 28/08/2024 04:18

You are a mother to your baby, not your DP. Not surprised you reacted the way you did. He needs to grow up.

This 100%.
He's supposed to be an adult, a parent, not a petulant child.

oakleaffy · 28/08/2024 04:36

ChampagneLassie · 28/08/2024 04:33

👋 I’ve got a one week old and my DP and I are working like a team and it’s been lovely BUT with our first DC now 2.5 there were many moments like this in the early days. Having a baby is overwhelming and stressful and nerves are frayed. Try to have a chat in morning and remind each other what you love about one another 💐

Good advice!
My friend has a wonderful husband {they have 4 children} but she said the early days nearly broke them.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 28/08/2024 04:46

Function · 28/08/2024 04:13

4am with an ill baby does not bring out the best in people

No excuse to act like a petulant child. There's a lot more challenging times to come, is he going to throw a tantrum everytime and threaten to leave?

@justhataye no you haven't done anything wrong, you have your hands full with your baby and shouldn't have to deal with a man child in addition. Maybe he needs counselling or something help him work through whatever is going on with him but he does not get to threaten to leave everytime things get tough and expect you to come crying and begging him.

Function · 28/08/2024 04:53

Ilovelifeverymuch · 28/08/2024 04:46

No excuse to act like a petulant child. There's a lot more challenging times to come, is he going to throw a tantrum everytime and threaten to leave?

@justhataye no you haven't done anything wrong, you have your hands full with your baby and shouldn't have to deal with a man child in addition. Maybe he needs counselling or something help him work through whatever is going on with him but he does not get to threaten to leave everytime things get tough and expect you to come crying and begging him.

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Unless it was an ongoing pattern, I believe sometimes people are absolute dickheads in a stressful moment but that is forgivable and doesn’t mean they need counselling. I know me and my partner have been twats but neither judges the other for it. So long as you can talk about it in the morning and apologise. Life can be very stressful and everyone fucks up. Especially at 4am with an ill baby.

Emelene · 28/08/2024 04:55

I agree with the comments that 4am with a screaming baby is extremely stressful. He’s acted badly but I think it would be better to speak calmly tomorrow, or when baby feels better. Emotions are obviously running very high. But I also would not take kindly to being threatened with him leaving.

Do you have any family / good friend support that you could ask for some help? Xxx

GingerPirate · 28/08/2024 05:01

oakleaffy · 28/08/2024 04:33

A screaming baby at 4am is no fun for anyone.

Babies place massive strain on many relationships.

Lack of sleep can be brutal.

The sound of a screaming baby is designed to be very disturbing- it is one of the world's ''worst sounds'' .

No one likes being ripped from sleep at 4am by screaming- but that's what life is like when one chooses to have a baby- unless one can afford a night nanny!

That's why I chose not to have any - the best decision for myself and my long term marriage.
Otherwise, I'm quite used to getting up around
4 AM 😁😐

Codlingmoths · 28/08/2024 05:04

Discuss in the morning, but good on you. You tell him we both need to be adults here- ive gone downstairs to get medicine for our sick crying baby and when I come up with it you tell me I took too long and you’re leaving us?? Is that what you want to be the first thing all of our friends think of when they think of you? If you are going to threaten to leave me while we are caring for our sick baby in the middle of the night then I think you should, our baby deserves better than that, as do I.

DogsAtDawn · 28/08/2024 05:08

Yes, 4am with a crying distressed baby is stressful BUT his immediate response was to have a pop at you for not moving fast enough and threatened to leave. In my view, you handled it well. As a PP said, never beg, or he will use that against you for the rest of your relationship. Once that doesn't work any more, the next threat is usually, "I will leave and take the kids".

If this is a one off, have a talk when things have calmed down. If it becomes a regular theme, tell him to fuck off and stay there.

backatschool · 28/08/2024 05:08

Function · 28/08/2024 04:13

4am with an ill baby does not bring out the best in people

While you've not done anything wrong, this PP is spot on. Unlikely that anyone is rational in this situation.

Cheeseeasyplease · 28/08/2024 05:09

It's the middle of the night with a crying baby and 2 tired parents.

Get some kip

DreamTheMoors · 28/08/2024 05:12

Hold on, @justhataye—

Which one is the baby? The one who needs the medicine or the one who’s crying?

Happyinarcon · 28/08/2024 05:18

Try not to spend too much time analysing the dynamics of your relationship while you have a newborn. Even rock solid relationships will suffer

Poppins21 · 28/08/2024 05:32

Function · 28/08/2024 04:53

Unless it was an ongoing pattern, I believe sometimes people are absolute dickheads in a stressful moment but that is forgivable and doesn’t mean they need counselling. I know me and my partner have been twats but neither judges the other for it. So long as you can talk about it in the morning and apologise. Life can be very stressful and everyone fucks up. Especially at 4am with an ill baby.

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Yes I agree. So glad my husband forgave me for saying stupid stuff when exhausted with a new baby. As I did with him.

Because we are both human and can say and do silly stuff at times!

We have been together 16 years he has seen me in my finest hours but also at my worst and vice versa.