To not understand this , dp is leaving me

[justhataye]

Hi everyone

It's 4am I am tired and livid

Our poor baby who has the cold atm woke up during the night screaming , dp was trying to soothe baby whilst I went downstairs to get baby his medicine & some water etc for him, when I had came upstairs dp was frustrated as baby wouldn't settle & dp raised his voice at me about how I was taking my time downstairs I replied "I don't know who you're speaking to like that lower your voice towards me" his reply was "I'm fed up of the way you speak to me I'm done with you I'm leaving in the morning" which I replied "why are you waiting till the morning? You have a car outside, go now"

He is now sobbing asking why I didn't beg for him and treating me as if I caused this whole situation.

I am sorry but if you don't want to be with me I will walk you to the door . I don't beg , absolutely not.

Am In the wrong here? He's seriously making me feel as if I am.

If you read the updates, it's not once. They've done the break up dance several times, it seems.

Her suggestion of divorce was made well before that info.

I agree with the posters who say it's extremely hard dealing with a sick baby especially at 4am so I'd forgive DH responses. As far as you not reacting to DH when he said he was leaving in the morning I can imagine I would have had the same reaction ie why wait. The difference is that later on I wouldn't have been too proud to say "you know I would hate it if you meant what you said so let's talk about how we feel now and how we can move forward with dealing with times like this without taking it out on each other'

As always it's each to their own. I'm just sharing how I would respond in this scenario.

Do you want to be with him? If yes, I think you should tell him that and both work from there on trying to patch things up. If not, then maybe you should consider breaking up. Either way you will have to work through the issues you have with each other now that a child is involved.

Is n't it convenient that he's now goign to his mum to be looked after while you're still at home with a sick baby

Agreed. If that were my son I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms to get his shit together, his arse back home, and to fulfil his obligations as a father.

Parents who coddle their sons in this way do them - not to mention their future partners and families - absolutely no favours.

I can understand the fact that things get said when you're sleep deprived etc but not only did he turn it all around onto you and said he was leaving you in the morning but he's toddled off to mummy when he has an annual leave day and should be at home supporting you with a poorly baby that he helped to create, just so that his mummy can look after him!!! What's worse, is that he's threatened to leave you before and uses his tears as manipulation!
I'd be telling him to stay at his mum's to be honest!

Why are you still together.

It sounds like you both think breaking up and then getting back together over and over again is a perfectly normal thing to do!

You're not (I presume) 15 years old. Either make a commitment and make some attempt to stick with it or just end it for good. Give your poor kid some stability either way.

I agree that being dickheads during stressful moments is forgiveable but not when it happens multiple times. And there a difference between being stressed and snapping at each other to throwing a tantrum, breaking up then getting upset that she is not running after him to beg him to stay. That is just childish and immature.

And if I'm the morning he was hey last night was xxx and I'm sorry and he's trying to find ways to handle it better sure, but her update that he ran home to mummy crying is just rubbish. She doesn't have the time or energy to raise another child.

I wouldn't be surprised if his mother thinks her son is the greatest thing since sliced bread and gets mad at OP for upsetting her son. Hopefully she remembers how hard it is to raise a baby and can talk some sense into him about how destructive it is to pile on more stress on a new mother who is trying to figure things out and look after a baby.

That’s quite a nasty thing to say. It’s totally normal for both parents to act out of character with the turmoil/lack of sleep/hormone changes that come with a baby.

Once you've got a child to look after, this break-up/make-up stuff needs to stop. That's high school level drama. Get some sleep and either decide to work as a team or to separate.

he is not ' emotional ' he is manipulative.

Tell him to get his arse gone right now and help look after the baby or not to bother coming back at all. AND MEAN IT.
I couldn't be doing with this childish shit tbh.

Home, not gone

Jesus you’re threatening to breaking up with each other left right and centre, that poor baby stuck in the middle of all that shit.

Re. Divorcing - I know it’s not the main point of this thread but since a few people have mentioned divorce I just wanted to point out they may not be married.

OP refers to him as DP.

The difference is that later on I wouldn't have been too proud to say "you know I would hate it if you meant what you said so let's talk about how we feel now and how we can move forward with dealing with times like this without taking it out on each other'

except she didn't take anything out on him. He shouted at her. she told him not to. He said he would leave. She pointd out the door. He then cried because she didn't beg him.

The above approach is EXACTLY what men like this want - so that she takes at least 50% of the blame.

Mmm, having read your update, it sounds like you’re bickering rather a lot and both regularly threatening to end the relationship, rather than trying to problem solve and pull together.

TBF he did apologise to you. Perhaps you should’ve accepted that and had a chat at some point later when you’re less tired.

But I assume now you’ve been left alone today with a sick baby and v little sleep while he’s on leave and not sharing the responsibility. Can he not come home and look after the baby to give you a break? Or take the baby back to his mum’s for a few hours? It sounds like he’s struggling to cope but that shouldn’t mean you’re left on your own.

At very least, he needs to communicate how he’s feeling and what he needs rather than threatening to leave and running away.

Tbh, you both sound like a pair of teenagers. You both need to work on the things so that nobody is threatening to end the relationship every 5 minutes.

But the other times wasn’t it OP talking of leaving?

What a toxic environment to bring a baby into. You should have worked in stability and communication before conceiving. Now you have a baby in the mix, of a relationship where the two of you threaten to (and actually do) split up on a regular basis, what effect do you think this will have when the baby is old enough to work out what is going on ?

Well, I hope his mum sends him straight back.
You are both adults who have decided to have a child together.

Time for you to both grow up and focus on the baby.

He's pathetic and just like my ex who left me in a similar argument where he played the victim when I was 34 weeks pregnant

If he's like my ex he will shirk all responsibility until baby is older and the nursery fees aren't as expensive and the nights are better and he has a new gf to live with and then he will start bullying you with lawyers trying to get 5050

I don't think that posters should be excusing him saying he's leaving as just being tired. That's extremely emotionally abusive to keep threatening to leave. Youre in or you're out hun.

I don't think she does. If someone is leaving why not hold the door open for them and why beg

Have you not read her update? They have both on several occasions threatened to end the relationship during an argument - that doesn't really cover either of them in glory now, does it? They are both as bad as each other and it’s sad they’ve bought a child into a toxic relationship.