Was I being unkind? Women filming themselves in their pants

[LivingInStrangeTimes]

I was scrolling through tiktok and came across a video of a woman showing a jumpsuit outfit which she is reccomending people buy.

The strange part to me is that the video begins with her standing there in tiny knickers and a bra then she gets dressed into the jumpsuit.

I perhaps shouldn't have said anything at all but left the following comment

"You look lovely. I'm not being unkind but why has it become so normalised to upload videos of ourselves in our underwear? You don't have to expose yourself like that to show the garment x"

Cue a pile on and her getting pissed off because apparently I'm only saying it because of her body type - which had absolutely nothing to do with it for me. We actually look quite similar in the buff!

I'm seeing more and more of these videos and it has become the new normal and done thing on social media for people who want to show clothes, to stand their in their pants beforehand and have you watch them get dressed.

Was I being unreasonable to say what I said and am I unreasonable for thinking its fucking weird and unnecessary?

"I want to show you this dress, but first here's my knickers!"

Edited to add - I mention women specifically because I'm not seeing any of these videos from men.. and nor do I want to 😐

You should have said: "I like the jumpsuit but I don't like your nickers", if the tip toker is using her freedom of expression to show her nickers to the public and has a comment section for people to comment OP is entitled to give her opinion on said nickers.

You're imposing your moral values and your modesty culture on other people

But we live in a world where women who are victims of sexual assault & rape very often do not get justice. That justice generally comes down to how credible a victim they are with prejudices & stereotypes centred around the victim throughout the investigation & prosecution. Society imposes those morals on woman & it’s naive to pretend they don’t exist.

Yeah yeah it’s their bodies and they can do what they want etc but it does have an affect on everyone else. It encourages casual sexism. It helps continue the dialogue that women are just there to show off their bodies. And that to achieve anything (sell something, be entertaining, whatever) they have to do so.

its the bigger picture as you say.

Absolutely.

We're talking about this in the wider context of social media in general and a wider onslaught of things we might rather not see - for multiple reasons.

The only people to blame for women being raped, abused, murdered or subjected to domestic violence are the people - mainly men - who carry out those crimes. It is nothing to do with what a woman wears.

YANBU. I don’t have TikTok as I don’t want to see vacuous, attention seeking people.

To those saying it’s none of op’s business. I disagree, surely posting on the internet makes it others business.

Most Here are not worried about a teenage boy getting turned on ffs. Read the thread.

Is this the next step? Models required to to be in their bra and knickers in order to show a frock or a jumpsuit?

The concern is the broader context.

OP engaged because she clearly thinks it is worth discussing.

There are kids on the app. Should 13yo boys be watching 35-40yo women getting dressed?

The stuff they're watching are much much more disturbing and fucking them up.

I think the best rule in social media is if you don't have anything nice to say. Just scroll. The place is so toxic as it is that it better not engage. Maybe if you genuinely have a contributing opinion but it was never going to be taken as anything but uncontructive criticism. Weather you meant it as such. Just scroll.

@HolyPeaches I thought you were implying the OP was too old to be impacted in anyway? Of course it’s more damaging to younger people & I wouldn’t claim otherwise but I just don’t think it’s exclusively damaging to younger people.

However my original point still stands, if the OP, (not a child or teenager) finds a certain TikTok video uncomfortable then she should just scroll past.

The whole point of SM is to be interactive & for users to engage with content. Why is it wrong to comment that something makes you uncomfortable if it does so?

That's social media for you, and unfortunately you will see more and more of it. I've seen ones where they are completely naked but positioned in a way to not show private areas and call it 'body positivity'. The less you have on the more audience reach they get, Instagram and tiktok prefer those algorithms. Sometimes it's done on purpose to get more audience. I wouldn't waste your time leaving comments it's all part of their strategy.

I think it’s great especially if she is plus size, if she is confident in her body maybe just maybe she can help 1 or 2 other girls feel comfortable in theirs. Also… what you commented generally is something one things in their head, absolutely bitchy of you to comment it publicly.

Honestly this is the least worrying thing tgey can come across on TikTok.

You heard about the streamed suicides right?

Who cares, it's none of your business what she does on her own social media account.

Also, YABU going on bloody tick-tock in the first place!

The only people to blame for women being raped, abused, murdered or subjected to domestic violence are the people - mainly men - who carry out those crimes. It is nothing to do with what a woman wears.

But society is to blame for the disgusting low conviction rates because women are judged & held to a higher moral standard & you have to be a perfect victim. No point pretending this isn’t the case.

@Rewis I agree with this. I think what's happening here is OPs post is initiating a much broader discussion ( as it links to that) regards social media, how it's managed, can it even be managed, the onslaught of things we don't want to see for various reasons and the implication of all those things that tie into this.

I'm beyond horrified learning what is out there and easily accessible to kids. ( That's another thread)

A bra and pants is no different to a bikini and is actually more coverage than some of the things you see on the beach these days.

YABU to comment.

I personally really appreciate women who show what clothes look like and aren't ashamed of their bodies. Especially women who look like me (and even the ones who dont). It has showed me that even slim women have cellulite and wobbly bits and women with seemingly perfect bodies share about their insecurities.

Theres soemthing about it that has made a lot of women feel connected and solidarity with each other.

It's also not for the purposes of titillating men and a lot of these creators have really awesome audiences that are majority women.

It's really helped with my confidence and is such a change from when I was growing up and it was all just models in magazines.

If the content isn't for you, keep scrolling.

I actually agree with this. It's quite nice seeing bodies like mine doing normal things like putting on a skirt, rather than fake or unattainable figures being depicted sexually all the time. Lots of the women I have seen have rolls and cellulite etc and are wearing normal big pants and it's quite refreshing .

It's also a way of seeing more clearly which body shapes are like mine so I can tell if the clothes will suit me.

@Gifgaf I didn't even realise that. Commenting can actually feed the algorithms. Jeez I hate the internet today 🤣. That's why I save my ranting for MN 😊

Isn’t the purpose of showing her body that she doesn’t have a ‘perfect’ figure but this jumpsuit is very good for hiding lumps and bumps

She is posting a video of her on a public platform in "private" clothes. We expect to see people in their bikinis because the beach isn't a sexual context, but people in their underwear is a different context, which is why you had a reaction.

She wants you to post, it ups her engagment stats, pushes her to the top of the holy algorithm. People are much more likely to post angry things because its the easiest emotion to access. This is why people post things that they know will get people angry or have "feuds" with other creators. Its fast, effective and gets people noticed.

The best thing to do if you think it is unsuitable is to report it. It is inappropriate for people to be in public in their underwear.

Also when you get to the point when you are getting "activated" by rage bait its time to have a break from the social media. They are all just trying to sell anything anyway whether its themselves, a narrative or a product, so you aren't missing out.

Yes, this type of strategy is used so often! Kim Kardashian if you know her, does this a lot where she has a large audience of people who already dislike her but she will post a nude and disappear for days while people sit writing comments under her post and she's at home getting paid for it. Another type of strategy is those videos that don't have a lot of context in the actual video but include it in the bio and then people sit in the comments while the video replays in the background. I've come to learn a lot when it comes to social media, everything is done on purpose.

They do it because the algorithm promotes videos that show a lot of skin. That’s all there is to it. You saying there is no need to show skin is simply showing your ignorance of how the TikTok content promotion algorithm works.

One more reason why TikTok is utterly pernicious.

@Glitterglitch I think I am interpreting your point in the way intended. (Apologies if not. ) But this makes me think about the onslaught of redpill type podcasts. These online red pill guys are utilising all this online content that young women are posting, including some relatively innocuous, to feed this rather scary narrative that all women are whores and therefore need to be put back in the kitchen by force. The online commentary is off the scale and is actually scary.

You don't need to be half naked to show this tbh. You can already tell once the clothes are on. When I look at online reviews of clothes I am about to buy, it's not of people in their underwear but they are already clothed, unless they are promoting bra and nickers.