Was I being unkind? Women filming themselves in their pants

[LivingInStrangeTimes]

I was scrolling through tiktok and came across a video of a woman showing a jumpsuit outfit which she is reccomending people buy.

The strange part to me is that the video begins with her standing there in tiny knickers and a bra then she gets dressed into the jumpsuit.

I perhaps shouldn't have said anything at all but left the following comment

"You look lovely. I'm not being unkind but why has it become so normalised to upload videos of ourselves in our underwear? You don't have to expose yourself like that to show the garment x"

Cue a pile on and her getting pissed off because apparently I'm only saying it because of her body type - which had absolutely nothing to do with it for me. We actually look quite similar in the buff!

I'm seeing more and more of these videos and it has become the new normal and done thing on social media for people who want to show clothes, to stand their in their pants beforehand and have you watch them get dressed.

Was I being unreasonable to say what I said and am I unreasonable for thinking its fucking weird and unnecessary?

"I want to show you this dress, but first here's my knickers!"

Edited to add - I mention women specifically because I'm not seeing any of these videos from men.. and nor do I want to 😐

What an ignorant comment. Nothing the op said suggests that. A wider conversation about the normalisation of showing women’s bodies in underwear affects us all whether people like it or not. The op is right to raise it as a topic for debate. A lot of people supporting this don’t seem to factor in the balance of power in society, or its effect on women and girls.

If anything, I think your comment reflects more on you than on the op.

I mean I’m sure the Kardashians are nice people on an individual level but I definitely think their SM presence is pretty damaging in a number of ways. It doesn’t impact me but as I have young dc & as I said work with young people I can’t ignore them. Just because something doesn’t affect you directly doesn’t mean you are wrong to have concerns & should ignore it.

YANBU. It’s completely unnecessary to be in bra and knickers to show a clothing item.

@AlwaysKindaKnewYoudBeTheDeathOfMe yes, could be - I think we just have much less control over it these days. It's no lie that we are all bombarded these days with multiple things we probably don't want to see.

At least with readers wives, I could rip out the crusty page then throw it in the bin on discovery 🤷‍♀️😬

I'm a chilled, reformed wild child so by no means a prude but this stuff is becoming insane. The social media Tiktok half naked air head explosion is just infuriating me. I don't know why I get so bothered. It's not jealousy at all - I think it's more feeling so separate from society when so many are just absolute brain dead zombies flashing their everything for likes.

I think it's irritating because there seems to be one group of women who are increasingly frustrated by the oversexualisatipn of women for men's entertainment.

And another group of women who are actively subscribing to it and supporting it.

There will be other groups of women. We don't all fit into those two groups. But maybe that's it.

A lot of people supporting this don’t seem to factor in the balance of power in society, or it’s effect on women and girls.

Exactly this.

I really think that women getting dressed is far from the worst a teenage boy could be exposed too.

I agree. Really one of those trends I wish would go away.

@HolyPeaches why do you think 30 yr olds wouldn’t be damaged by social media?

Fuck me ! The world is full of problems of women being raped, abused, murdered, domestic violence but oh it’s fine to prance about in skimpy knickers and bra - unjustifiable.

eh come on, force it. your body - your choice. her filming herself in pants - her choice.

Why shouldn't it be? You're imposing your moral values and your modesty culture on other people. Why did it become normalised for us to show our ankles? Our knees? Our shoulders? At one point (and still is some places) all of those were considered indecent. The only person who gets to determine how many or few clothes they are comfortable being filmed in is the person being filmed.

👆

I agree with you. Could have been raised in a more blunt way to be honest, suggesting (more directly than this) that you don't want to be the source of teenage boys self-pleasure.

Because women in their 20\s and 30's just scream it's empowering/it's just a body/what does it matter whilst us oldies are shaking our heads wondering what the hell happened to decorum and class.

I agree with you. It's grim. I want to see my DD success for being academically gifted and sporty. To be clever and strong. I do not want to see her posing in her underwear for likes. She even says herself, they're not the brightest are they.

Too much internet, not enough genuine real life. My DD's insp;iration is her Great Grandmother. A simply incredible woman who wouldnt' have dreamt of posting herself on the internet for all to see.

As you say, men don’t do this, or at least not nearly as often as women. I think this kind of thing, along with pouting photos and posing in front of mirrors staring into a phone let women as a whole down. It doesn’t help with being taken seriously in things that really matter.

No she’s watching a piece of content created in a specific genre that is about what clothes look like on women with certain body types. She can just choose to scroll past. Nobody is forcing her to watch it.

And anyone who thinks this is the most sexualised content teenage boys can find on the internet are deluded.

Yeah yeah it’s their bodies and they can do what they want etc but it does have an affect on everyone else. It encourages casual sexism. It helps continue the dialogue that women are just there to show off their bodies. And that to achieve anything (sell something, be entertaining, whatever) they have to do so.

And HER great-grandmother would have been shocked and appalled at her shamelessly flaunting her calves like that.

@AGentleMusing that's a really good point. I have to confess, I get directly annoyed at the women doing it. My immediate thought would be, oh stop being so annoying and attention seeking. I get frustrated with men online also in different ways.

I need to spend less time online!

im with you OP - I’m not a fan.

it’s attention seeking IMO and I’m tired of seeing half naked people on the internet. You can block but as soon as you do there’s 10 more videos.

saying that, I don’t comment because it doesn’t go down well and I don’t want to be attacked in the comment section 😂

Indeed. I'm sure plenty of people back in the day would have found that outfit unnecessarily racy.

Oh we can be. But not the same as a child or teenager can be damaged by certain content online.

I’m assuming you didn’t mean 30 year olds when you said “Is there not a wider conversation about this stuff on social media & the impact on young people? Or is better to just ignore it?”

Apologies if you were in fact including 30 year olds in this. But I assumed you meant children and teenagers.

However my original point still stands, if the OP, (not a child or teenager) finds a certain TikTok video uncomfortable then she should just scroll past.

@TheBossOfMe I definitely don't feel this is the worst thing online at all!

There are multiple themes all going on here for me and I'm dragging them into OPs post a little unnecessarily perhaps. Eg

Annoying attention seeking behaviour
Sexualisation which is much more difficult to try avoid and shield kids from

For me, my internal trigger on this particular video based on the description give would simply be ' annoying attention seeker category ' . I'd need to see it to know if it goes into the latter categories for me