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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

An insight into the mindset of someone who is persistently late.

898 replies

deviantfeline · 27/08/2024 02:39

There's always loads of posts on AIBU about people who hate those who are persistently late and how there no excuse for it. Also lots of people claiming 'time blindness' or inability to plan that causes it.

I'm often late. I hate it but my brain doesn't seem to be able to calculate periods of time in a way that means I can plan appropriately. Today was one of those even though I thought I totally had this. Reflecting on what went wrong here's a timeline.

I needed to get a train at 12pm to a meeting. They are once an hour and so couldn't miss it. I set an alarm at 11am that told me to go and get ready to leave for the station. It's a 3 minutes drive and a 2 minute walk from the car park. I know that at this time it's hard to get a parking spot so I factor in time to find one. I'll leave at 11.40 ish then. I spent the morning working from home.

11- alarm goes off. I think oh I've got loads of time and carry on working thinking I'll stop at 11.15 and get myself ready.
11.15 - think I'll finish the email I'm writing
11.23 - finish email and pack bag
Realise my make up and hair need a touch up and I've got loads of time so do that
11.32 - result. I'm done and ready to go with time to spare. This is easy! Find coat and shoes, locate car and door keys, put cups in dishwasher, find umbrella as it's now raining and my phone charger, kiss dog goodbye and give her a treat, lock up house.
Get in car. Somehow it's now 11.47?! How the hell did that happen? It was 11.32 wasn't it? Fuck fuck fuck.
11.52 - arrive at car park having had to stop at a zebra for 2 mins for loads of people crossing. Hadn't factored in the high street would busy as it's midday.
No car parks as predicted! Drive back up the street and finally find one. It's 11.58. Grab my stuff and sprint and get on the train as the doors are closing.

Despite my planning i screwed it up again. I've noticed that I have a time blindness for the time it takes between 'I'm ready' and actually going. In my mind that would take 30 seconds yet it somehow took 15 minutes?!

Its almost worse when I leave plenty time as my brain starts telling me I've got time to do other stuff rather then just leaving! Also I can't visualise the time passing since I looked at the time at 11.32 and getting in the car. That time seems to be the black spot for me to time manage with any ability.

Crisis only slightly averted but I'm soo cross with myself. So you 'on timers'. What would you have done differently and what was my biggest error?

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 28/08/2024 23:07

@IainTorontoNSW why are you pandering to Elaine?

@Garlicfest do you get to work on time, or anything where there’s a serious loss to you if late?

Blueink · 28/08/2024 23:12

Garlicfest · 28/08/2024 22:58

I look at a clock, it says 10:10, I say to myself "I need to be leaving in 20 minutes. I'll call it ten, to be on the safe side. Leave at twenty past." What doesn't happen next is the translation of ten minutes into a specific series of actions, even though I know what needs doing and roughly how long it takes.

My brain simply doesn't compute that time is passing, or it does but can't attach meaning to it. If I could explain it, I might've found effective ways to compensate by now Confused

Think of something you can recognise but not understand - Russian, perhaps? You can look at the printed text and see it's Russian. You might even know the alphabet, so you can make a stab at sounding the words out. But this doesn't help you understand the text and what it says.

Someone telling you to just fucking read it will do nothing to improve the situation. You understand that it's Russian and can spell the words out, you simply don't know what it means.

That's really not a perfect analogy, but it goes some way to illustrate that "I understand time and how to set reminders" can co-exist with "I am not capable of completing a set of actions to a specified time-frame."

Show quote history

I agree and can’t operate like that either.

Alarms work for me though and I only do set things within the time frame.

It still seems ridiculous logically that I need 15m allocated to go out of the door (on top of the various alarms that go before) but it does work not to be late.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 28/08/2024 23:13

Garlicfest · 28/08/2024 22:58

I look at a clock, it says 10:10, I say to myself "I need to be leaving in 20 minutes. I'll call it ten, to be on the safe side. Leave at twenty past." What doesn't happen next is the translation of ten minutes into a specific series of actions, even though I know what needs doing and roughly how long it takes.

My brain simply doesn't compute that time is passing, or it does but can't attach meaning to it. If I could explain it, I might've found effective ways to compensate by now Confused

Think of something you can recognise but not understand - Russian, perhaps? You can look at the printed text and see it's Russian. You might even know the alphabet, so you can make a stab at sounding the words out. But this doesn't help you understand the text and what it says.

Someone telling you to just fucking read it will do nothing to improve the situation. You understand that it's Russian and can spell the words out, you simply don't know what it means.

That's really not a perfect analogy, but it goes some way to illustrate that "I understand time and how to set reminders" can co-exist with "I am not capable of completing a set of actions to a specified time-frame."

Show quote history

So do you explain that to people if you’re making plans with them?

Garlicfest · 28/08/2024 23:13

@EmeraldRoulette, no. I've always warned employers. It works out okay in the end, because time blindness operates at both ends of the day.

There have been serious costs to me, though, throughout life. Contrary to so many PPs' assumptions I have missed flights, important meetings and exams, surgeries, etc. I've also been insanely early for things and had to wait days (literally) for the planned event.

People who love me lie about the time they want to meet - and, no, I've got no issues with waiting; I'm not a hypocrite.

Garlicfest · 28/08/2024 23:14

@EmpressaurusDeiGatti, just answered that.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 28/08/2024 23:17

Garlicfest · 28/08/2024 22:58

I look at a clock, it says 10:10, I say to myself "I need to be leaving in 20 minutes. I'll call it ten, to be on the safe side. Leave at twenty past." What doesn't happen next is the translation of ten minutes into a specific series of actions, even though I know what needs doing and roughly how long it takes.

My brain simply doesn't compute that time is passing, or it does but can't attach meaning to it. If I could explain it, I might've found effective ways to compensate by now Confused

Think of something you can recognise but not understand - Russian, perhaps? You can look at the printed text and see it's Russian. You might even know the alphabet, so you can make a stab at sounding the words out. But this doesn't help you understand the text and what it says.

Someone telling you to just fucking read it will do nothing to improve the situation. You understand that it's Russian and can spell the words out, you simply don't know what it means.

That's really not a perfect analogy, but it goes some way to illustrate that "I understand time and how to set reminders" can co-exist with "I am not capable of completing a set of actions to a specified time-frame."

Show quote history

I don't think you're going to be able to explain to people who don't experience this sort of executive dysfunction how time blindness works.

I have come to accept it's a double empathy problem.

Many of us have tried explaining that unless you've got your eye glued to the clock watching the hands tick then you can't just say oh ill keep checking the clock every 5 minutes if you can't perceive 5 minutes of time passing.

To people who can perceive time passing, they won't understand.

Even the posters who say but nobody can tell the time without looking at a clock don't understand that they do still have an internal sense of time passage that those of us with time blindness don't.

And when you try explaining that you have time optimism as it was mentioned up thread, you're just told to stop having that optimism and do things in a timely manner which is impossible if you cannot gauge how long something will take or is taking.

I think this is just a case of those that get it, get it and those that don't, don't.

Garlicfest · 28/08/2024 23:24

Yes, and thank you @Jimmyneutronsforehead.

On the plus side (there are a few), I read threads from people saying they wish they knew how to live in the present moment. I'm here thinking "All I have is the present moment!" 😳

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 28/08/2024 23:29

@Garlicfest aha I feel that. It's a mindfulness coaches wet dream to always be in the present.

GrannyRose15 · 29/08/2024 00:00

Set two alarms. One for the time you have to start getting ready and one for the time by which you must leave the house.

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 00:05

Garlicfest · 28/08/2024 22:58

I look at a clock, it says 10:10, I say to myself "I need to be leaving in 20 minutes. I'll call it ten, to be on the safe side. Leave at twenty past." What doesn't happen next is the translation of ten minutes into a specific series of actions, even though I know what needs doing and roughly how long it takes.

My brain simply doesn't compute that time is passing, or it does but can't attach meaning to it. If I could explain it, I might've found effective ways to compensate by now Confused

Think of something you can recognise but not understand - Russian, perhaps? You can look at the printed text and see it's Russian. You might even know the alphabet, so you can make a stab at sounding the words out. But this doesn't help you understand the text and what it says.

Someone telling you to just fucking read it will do nothing to improve the situation. You understand that it's Russian and can spell the words out, you simply don't know what it means.

That's really not a perfect analogy, but it goes some way to illustrate that "I understand time and how to set reminders" can co-exist with "I am not capable of completing a set of actions to a specified time-frame."

Show quote history

But not everyone can understand Russian as they were never taught it. However, regardless of what language people speak, they can always tell the time when they look at a clock!

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 00:12

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 28/08/2024 23:17

I don't think you're going to be able to explain to people who don't experience this sort of executive dysfunction how time blindness works.

I have come to accept it's a double empathy problem.

Many of us have tried explaining that unless you've got your eye glued to the clock watching the hands tick then you can't just say oh ill keep checking the clock every 5 minutes if you can't perceive 5 minutes of time passing.

To people who can perceive time passing, they won't understand.

Even the posters who say but nobody can tell the time without looking at a clock don't understand that they do still have an internal sense of time passage that those of us with time blindness don't.

And when you try explaining that you have time optimism as it was mentioned up thread, you're just told to stop having that optimism and do things in a timely manner which is impossible if you cannot gauge how long something will take or is taking.

I think this is just a case of those that get it, get it and those that don't, don't.

Show quote history

“Many of us have tried explaining that unless you've got your eye glued to the clock watching the hands tick then you can't just say oh ill keep checking the clock every 5 minutes if you can't perceive 5 minutes of time passing”

There are such things as an alarm that will alert you when a certain period of time has passed.

“To the people who can perceive time passing, they won’t understand”

I don’t think anybody is this world can accurately perceive 5 minutes of time passing without a clock. They would have to be very clever and probably a robot to do that!

“And when you try explaining that you have time optimism as it was mentioned up thread, you're just told to stop having that optimism and do things in a timely manner which is impossible if you cannot gauge how long something will take or is taking”

As I said, there are such things as alarms. It is also very easy to look at a clock before you start a task and then look at the clock when you finish a task and see how long it took you so that you can factor that time in next time.

I’m sorry but no matter how much someone tries to explain it, I’m struggling to understand how people end up being so late/ seem incapable of using a clock or setting an alarm and sticking to it.

Garlicfest · 29/08/2024 00:26

It's OK, @Mumofnarnia, you don't have to understand. I get it: I don't understand why autistic people can't cope with unexpected changes, people with dyscalculia can't do arithmetic, or how Simone Biles twists around in the air like that.

People are all different, can't understand 'em all. We can accept the differences, though.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 29/08/2024 00:29

I’m sorry but no matter how much someone tries to explain it, I’m struggling to understand how people end up being so late/ seem incapable of using a clock or setting an alarm and sticking to it.

Well I can't make you understand.

Setting alarms is basically adding extra tasks. You have to factor in the additional work of setting an alarm in addition to the task you're doing.

Executive dysfunction issues impact your ability to start tasks, finish tasks, and prioritise tasks.

Lots of us DO set alarms. We spend so much time setting alarms for different things that it's hard to keep track of what each alarm is for and the alarms become meaningless.

For example, if I'd set an alarm to get pizza out of the oven, and I was half way through changing a poonami when the alarm went off and I had to finish cleaning up, put on a fresh nappy, and get the mucky nappy to the bin, I will have forgotten about the alarm because I have a poor working memory. That alarm is then redundant and it won't occur to me that 15 minutes of time has passed. Bam, pizza burnt, tea ruined. That's just one example.

Systems don't always work, but I have to spend more time and energy than someone who doesn't have executive functioning issues just trying to stay on a level playing field and keep afloat but the extra tasks associated with setting alarms and reminders just cause a system overload. These issues occur in spite of using additional aids, not with the absence of.

I do not have the ability to automate doing these tasks mentally. If you do, then fantastic.

Also not everything takes the same amount of time each time you do it, so you can't always use past experiences as a gauge of time, especially when you cannot assess priority or process the passage of time.

The only other thing I can liken it to which might make sense to someone without time blindness is time blindness is a time processing disorder, I also have an auditory processing disorder. I speak English, it's my mother tongue, but sometimes people talk to me, even my own family with the same accent and way of saying things, and it sounds like they're talking in squiggles. Like the equivalent of looking at letters before you could read. You cannot process the information if your brain hasn't got that ability except time blindness isn't a skill deficit, it's a processing disorder and usually has other comorbidities that can contribute to people being late if they suffer from time blindness.

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 00:43

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 29/08/2024 00:29

I’m sorry but no matter how much someone tries to explain it, I’m struggling to understand how people end up being so late/ seem incapable of using a clock or setting an alarm and sticking to it.

Well I can't make you understand.

Setting alarms is basically adding extra tasks. You have to factor in the additional work of setting an alarm in addition to the task you're doing.

Executive dysfunction issues impact your ability to start tasks, finish tasks, and prioritise tasks.

Lots of us DO set alarms. We spend so much time setting alarms for different things that it's hard to keep track of what each alarm is for and the alarms become meaningless.

For example, if I'd set an alarm to get pizza out of the oven, and I was half way through changing a poonami when the alarm went off and I had to finish cleaning up, put on a fresh nappy, and get the mucky nappy to the bin, I will have forgotten about the alarm because I have a poor working memory. That alarm is then redundant and it won't occur to me that 15 minutes of time has passed. Bam, pizza burnt, tea ruined. That's just one example.

Systems don't always work, but I have to spend more time and energy than someone who doesn't have executive functioning issues just trying to stay on a level playing field and keep afloat but the extra tasks associated with setting alarms and reminders just cause a system overload. These issues occur in spite of using additional aids, not with the absence of.

I do not have the ability to automate doing these tasks mentally. If you do, then fantastic.

Also not everything takes the same amount of time each time you do it, so you can't always use past experiences as a gauge of time, especially when you cannot assess priority or process the passage of time.

The only other thing I can liken it to which might make sense to someone without time blindness is time blindness is a time processing disorder, I also have an auditory processing disorder. I speak English, it's my mother tongue, but sometimes people talk to me, even my own family with the same accent and way of saying things, and it sounds like they're talking in squiggles. Like the equivalent of looking at letters before you could read. You cannot process the information if your brain hasn't got that ability except time blindness isn't a skill deficit, it's a processing disorder and usually has other comorbidities that can contribute to people being late if they suffer from time blindness.

“Setting alarms is basically adding extra tasks. You have to factor in the additional work of setting an alarm in addition to the task you're doing”

Oh purlease! 🙄 Im trying to understand what you’re saying. I do get some of it I really do! I understand people have difficulty with time. But most seem to be able to put strategies in place to over come it! But your paragraph I quoted above just sums it up perfectly- that you seem to feel it’s all too much effort to even set an alarm to put a strategy in place at all!

The op’s post is a prime example of someone who put a strategy in place by setting an alarm but then chose to ignore it! It’s not about how you perceive time or don’t perceive time it’s about putting clear strategies in place and sticking to them. If you need to be somewhere then that’s what you need to tell yourself. Not “oh let me just do this” when you need to be somewhere.

Also the huge majority of people that posters are complaining about do not struggle with time to the extent you describe, they do it as a passive aggressive way of telling the world that everyone needs to wait for them! My dad is one of them who definitely has no problem with perception of time but says “I’m not rushing about for anyone”! And I’ve come across many people like this in my time! It is totally and utterly infuriating!

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 29/08/2024 01:00

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 00:43

“Setting alarms is basically adding extra tasks. You have to factor in the additional work of setting an alarm in addition to the task you're doing”

Oh purlease! 🙄 Im trying to understand what you’re saying. I do get some of it I really do! I understand people have difficulty with time. But most seem to be able to put strategies in place to over come it! But your paragraph I quoted above just sums it up perfectly- that you seem to feel it’s all too much effort to even set an alarm to put a strategy in place at all!

The op’s post is a prime example of someone who put a strategy in place by setting an alarm but then chose to ignore it! It’s not about how you perceive time or don’t perceive time it’s about putting clear strategies in place and sticking to them. If you need to be somewhere then that’s what you need to tell yourself. Not “oh let me just do this” when you need to be somewhere.

Also the huge majority of people that posters are complaining about do not struggle with time to the extent you describe, they do it as a passive aggressive way of telling the world that everyone needs to wait for them! My dad is one of them who definitely has no problem with perception of time but says “I’m not rushing about for anyone”! And I’ve come across many people like this in my time! It is totally and utterly infuriating!

Show quote history

Oh purlease yourself

Clearly you haven't read the rest of my post where I explain that issues occur in spite of using strategies.

And I am specifically talking about the troubles of time blindness. Not selfishness.

Task inertia is also a huge factor in poor time management and it's a very real neurological barrier. Another PP mentioned that they likened it to needing to finish a routine before they can move on to the next thing. It can be really hard to pull yourself out of it or even realise it's causing trouble if you can not understand how much time has passed.

It's not a disregard for others. It's quite disabling. It does impact on other areas of life. It might appear that someone is just being obstinate or set in their ways especially if this is how they have always been.

Like I said earlier, I can't make you understand. That's fine though.

I can also understand that those who are impacted will be impacted to different degrees and that they might have less struggles or more struggles than I have but it's not for me to tell them I have coped so they just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and try harder.

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 01:04

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 29/08/2024 01:00

Oh purlease yourself

Clearly you haven't read the rest of my post where I explain that issues occur in spite of using strategies.

And I am specifically talking about the troubles of time blindness. Not selfishness.

Task inertia is also a huge factor in poor time management and it's a very real neurological barrier. Another PP mentioned that they likened it to needing to finish a routine before they can move on to the next thing. It can be really hard to pull yourself out of it or even realise it's causing trouble if you can not understand how much time has passed.

It's not a disregard for others. It's quite disabling. It does impact on other areas of life. It might appear that someone is just being obstinate or set in their ways especially if this is how they have always been.

Like I said earlier, I can't make you understand. That's fine though.

I can also understand that those who are impacted will be impacted to different degrees and that they might have less struggles or more struggles than I have but it's not for me to tell them I have coped so they just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and try harder.

Show quote history

When you have clearly dismissed putting strategies in place in the very first paragraph of your post and claim it’s far too much effort because then you have to factor in setting an alarm which become an extra task, then yes I did not bother to read a lot of the rest of your post because I just could not take that paragraph seriously!

Garlicfest · 29/08/2024 01:22

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 01:04

When you have clearly dismissed putting strategies in place in the very first paragraph of your post and claim it’s far too much effort because then you have to factor in setting an alarm which become an extra task, then yes I did not bother to read a lot of the rest of your post because I just could not take that paragraph seriously!

Show quote history

Wow. Is this how you talk to people with OCD, too? Telling them their rituals are pointless so they should just stop already, and have they tried setting a timer so they can only do their thing for one minute? And people with phobias should just realise they aren't normal and get over it?

You're obviously reading very selectively to affirm your prejudice, so you either missed or don't give a shit that the PP explained why alarms stop working after a short while.

Or maybe you're not so much prejudiced but have a processing disorder 😏

Synchronisedwitches · 29/08/2024 01:25

I'm dreadful with time.
I've missed flights before and done myself out of hundreds of pounds having to book new ones.
I've lost jobs.
My closest friends are also dreadful with time and flaky so that's great. No one gets pissed off if someone doesn't show up or is hours late and we all understand to make really flexible plans. No one takes it personally
I have a lot of shame regarding it. I've struggled my whole life. I try really hard.
Things like school drop off I've had to just let my husband do because it was going badly wrong.
I've been late for absolutely ridiculous reasons that people wouldn't understand if I told them. I once was late because I followed a bird onto the moors forgetting I didn't have my phone with me.. so then I had no idea what time it was and no satnav.
I once was forced to take part in an orienteering event with school and I turned up at the finish, 4 hours after the finish time... the latest person apart from me was only 20 mins late. They had almost called the emergency services and they had staff out looking for me.

I once was late because my DH bought a new wall clock to replace the broken one in the bathroom.. it was a different sized clock. It was bigger and it confused me into thinking there was more time that there was because the gaps between the numbers were bigger. I didn't literally think that to myself at the time this happened.. I just realised afterwards that's what I had done.

Garlicfest · 29/08/2024 01:31

Oh, god, @Synchronisedwitches, the wandering off and getting lost! The humiliation of being found by search parties! All of that.

Weirdly, I'm a good map reader and have no difficulty with left/right or any of that. It's just that sometimes ... it doesn't compute. I actually feel like hugging you for your post. Have an internet (( hug )).

Nadeed · 29/08/2024 01:33

I worked with someone who was always late. She would say have an external meeting at 11am. I would say at 10.30am - do you not need to leave for your meeting? She would say yes, yes and carry on doing stuff. This would carry on until I would say you know it is 11am - oh yes, yes, and she still would not leave! About 11.10am she would finally leave.

Synchronisedwitches · 29/08/2024 01:35

It's so hard because I have to be looking at a clock constantly. If I'm not looking at it I have no idea. I could not tell you if hours or minutes had passed. Sometimes I even do the same activity and I'll look at the time and it will have taken me twice as long than before and I'll have no idea why. So I can't base it on activities either. So I couldn't think 'oh if I wake up at 7 it will take me 30 mins to wash and then 5 mins to eat breakfast' and then just assume everything's going to plan. It won't go to plan. Unless I'm staring at a clock it will go wildly out.
I've at least held down a job for years now where I am very rarely late but that's because it's a night shift and massively facilitated by my DH who drives me door to door.
People react with such vitriol to people who are like me it's hard not to hate yourself but hating yourself just makes it worse. Because the stress and anxiety and pressure can make you freeze or feel overwhelmed. It makes you less able to do anything.
For anyone experiencing this I'd suggest just mentally drawing a line any time you don't do as well as you'd hoped. Just move on don't beat yourself up about it. You aren't a bad person. Just keep trying your best. If you could hate and shame yourself into understanding time you would already have it down by now.

Synchronisedwitches · 29/08/2024 01:41

Garlicfest · 29/08/2024 01:31

Oh, god, @Synchronisedwitches, the wandering off and getting lost! The humiliation of being found by search parties! All of that.

Weirdly, I'm a good map reader and have no difficulty with left/right or any of that. It's just that sometimes ... it doesn't compute. I actually feel like hugging you for your post. Have an internet (( hug )).

I cannot read maps and I have to look at my hands to know left and right because there's a scar on my right hand. That's how I learnt because it's been there since childhood.
It's hard as you feel so stupid. I guess I am stupid in that sense but I do have other skills and qualities!!
However I feel like most people think this is such a marker of being a good person and being clever that any other qualities you might possess get ignored. There's this real moral weight given to punctuality and spacial awareness. People think you are antisocial and rude.

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 01:44

Garlicfest · 29/08/2024 01:22

Wow. Is this how you talk to people with OCD, too? Telling them their rituals are pointless so they should just stop already, and have they tried setting a timer so they can only do their thing for one minute? And people with phobias should just realise they aren't normal and get over it?

You're obviously reading very selectively to affirm your prejudice, so you either missed or don't give a shit that the PP explained why alarms stop working after a short while.

Or maybe you're not so much prejudiced but have a processing disorder 😏

Show quote history

No it is NOT how I would talk to someone with OCD!

I have just googled time blindness and strategies to help. One of the main strategies to help with it was to set an alarm! If that poster isn’t willing to at least try and help themselves then what is there that someone else can say? I have read though their posts but it was that one paragraph that got to me. At the end of the day, only you can help yourself. The same goes for anyone anyone with OCD, phobias, alcohol problems etc. You have got to want to seek the help and support and put strategies in place or you will never rid yourself of the problem or find a way to deal with it.

i have already stated in a reply to that poster that the huge majority of people on this thread, including myself are angry at normal functioning people who DO have perception of time but choose not to bother or refuse to put strategies in place/ ignore strategies they do have in place!

Garlicfest · 29/08/2024 02:07

@Mumofnarnia (love that name, btw), I have a chronic illness these days - which has made the processing issues much worse, I simply haven't got the energy to cope with it all any more.

As anyone with a health condition will tell you, the entire world and his wife know how to cure you. "HAVE YOU TRIED .." they begin, while we sigh inwardly and marshal a pleasant expression, "Vitamin B, Ferritin, Gluten-Free, Atkins Diet, acupuncture, Getting Outdoors, Weird Chinese Medications ...?"

No, no we haven't. We just love being broke and housebound, no regrets about losing our previously active, full and successful lives; pain and discomfort bring a little something to our days. We really haven't bothered trying to fix this at all 🙄

It's like that with the "WHY DON'T YOU ..." set alarms, use Alexa, plan more detail, write more lists, adopt one of the many prioritisation tools available on both paper and the Web. Even explaining what happens when we try those things doesn't get through (I'm looking at you now!)

It's totally understandable that people want to help fix things, it's a nice urge. What's less nice is when people flatly refuse to believe their fixes don't work.

Mumofnarnia · 29/08/2024 02:17

Garlicfest · 29/08/2024 02:07

@Mumofnarnia (love that name, btw), I have a chronic illness these days - which has made the processing issues much worse, I simply haven't got the energy to cope with it all any more.

As anyone with a health condition will tell you, the entire world and his wife know how to cure you. "HAVE YOU TRIED .." they begin, while we sigh inwardly and marshal a pleasant expression, "Vitamin B, Ferritin, Gluten-Free, Atkins Diet, acupuncture, Getting Outdoors, Weird Chinese Medications ...?"

No, no we haven't. We just love being broke and housebound, no regrets about losing our previously active, full and successful lives; pain and discomfort bring a little something to our days. We really haven't bothered trying to fix this at all 🙄

It's like that with the "WHY DON'T YOU ..." set alarms, use Alexa, plan more detail, write more lists, adopt one of the many prioritisation tools available on both paper and the Web. Even explaining what happens when we try those things doesn't get through (I'm looking at you now!)

It's totally understandable that people want to help fix things, it's a nice urge. What's less nice is when people flatly refuse to believe their fixes don't work.

“It's totally understandable that people want to help fix things, it's a nice urge. What's less nice is when people flatly refuse to believe their fixes don't work”

A family member of mine is an alcoholic. They have done many detox programmes. And were advised not to drink anymore alcohol numerous times. But despite the numerous detox programs and being told not to touch alcohol again, he still couldn’t resist the urge, which in turn caused relapse after relapse. So yes I’m well aware that attempting to fix things doesn’t always work. However, this family member is now getting older, we are all getting older to the point it is becoming too much of a burden on everyone when he falls over because he’s completely drunk or because he’s wet himself, or shit himself and stained the carpet or the bedsheets etc. this has been going on for years and years and people are starting to have very little sympathy for him.
I understand that alcoholism is an addiction but when you’re constantly told do not drink anymore alcohol it’s going to kill you. Or do not drink anymore alcohol because you will end up relapsing and that person decides to do it again then there is very little anyone else can do. I believe things can be fixed or at least ‘managed’ you just need to have the will power to do it and want to do it. Yes it’s going to be difficult but I don’t believe it’s completely impossible. Time blindness is not a medical condition, it’s a term used for people who have no perception of time.

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