An insight into the mindset of someone who is persistently late.

[deviantfeline]

There's always loads of posts on AIBU about people who hate those who are persistently late and how there no excuse for it. Also lots of people claiming 'time blindness' or inability to plan that causes it.

I'm often late. I hate it but my brain doesn't seem to be able to calculate periods of time in a way that means I can plan appropriately. Today was one of those even though I thought I totally had this. Reflecting on what went wrong here's a timeline.

I needed to get a train at 12pm to a meeting. They are once an hour and so couldn't miss it. I set an alarm at 11am that told me to go and get ready to leave for the station. It's a 3 minutes drive and a 2 minute walk from the car park. I know that at this time it's hard to get a parking spot so I factor in time to find one. I'll leave at 11.40 ish then. I spent the morning working from home.

11- alarm goes off. I think oh I've got loads of time and carry on working thinking I'll stop at 11.15 and get myself ready.
11.15 - think I'll finish the email I'm writing
11.23 - finish email and pack bag
Realise my make up and hair need a touch up and I've got loads of time so do that
11.32 - result. I'm done and ready to go with time to spare. This is easy! Find coat and shoes, locate car and door keys, put cups in dishwasher, find umbrella as it's now raining and my phone charger, kiss dog goodbye and give her a treat, lock up house.
Get in car. Somehow it's now 11.47?! How the hell did that happen? It was 11.32 wasn't it? Fuck fuck fuck.
11.52 - arrive at car park having had to stop at a zebra for 2 mins for loads of people crossing. Hadn't factored in the high street would busy as it's midday.
No car parks as predicted! Drive back up the street and finally find one. It's 11.58. Grab my stuff and sprint and get on the train as the doors are closing.

Despite my planning i screwed it up again. I've noticed that I have a time blindness for the time it takes between 'I'm ready' and actually going. In my mind that would take 30 seconds yet it somehow took 15 minutes?!

Its almost worse when I leave plenty time as my brain starts telling me I've got time to do other stuff rather then just leaving! Also I can't visualise the time passing since I looked at the time at 11.32 and getting in the car. That time seems to be the black spot for me to time manage with any ability.

Crisis only slightly averted but I'm soo cross with myself. So you 'on timers'. What would you have done differently and what was my biggest error?

Yeah this happens to me sometimes. I have my appointment for say, 2.40pm. It takes me (usually) 10-12 minutes to drive there (4 miles.) I will always leave at 2.15pm-2.17pm - in case of hold-ups: tractors, slow drivers, traffic lights/roadworks, horses on the road, cows or sheep, cyclists etc. If I get there 10-15 minutes early I am happy to just wait. (And sometimes if they're 10 minutes behind (for example,) I can wait 20-25 minutes, but it's OK.)

Occasionally though I get there around 15 minutes early (so say, 2.27pm when my appointment was 2.40pm,) and am called in within 4-5 minutes, because the 2.30pm appointment hasn't turned up/is late. If they turn up around 2.33pm say, then the GP will see them after me. So they will be seen around 2.40pm. They can't complain about having to wait for 7-8 minutes as they were 3 minutes late.

Yes so true 🤣🤣

I imagine they have that policy in place as they actually have a timetable to adhere to and need to depart on time so refuse to pander to the “I’m so important everyone should wait around for me while I potter about in my house instead of being on the platform because that would be far too boring and painful” 🤣

“Yeah it does seem odd to check in at the GP then pop for a coffee for half hour!!! Who does that?! 😆”

Those upper/ middle class types apparently. Doubt they want to sit in the waiting area with all the working class peasants who actually turn up to their appointment on time 🤣

Oh sooooooooo boring and terrrribly painful! 😖😰

😂

'Working class peasants!!!' 😆

That's me. Always on time or early. Fooking pleb I am. 😂

But happy to sit and ‘wait’ in a cafe. Obviously happy to wait when it’s suits them 🤣

I generally run to time or close to it. If someone is more than 5 minutes late, they wait til the end or until I have a gap - if I absolutely have to leave on time they rebook. Obvious exceptions for the very old/frail, parents with very small babies etc, but you wouldn't be late for a train, even if it was often delayed. I'm the train.

That's very unwise, it's not unusual for me to have a gap and if someone is early then I'll call them - if when I call them they're not in the waiting room or the loo, I'll unmark them as arrived.

Yeah I doubt the GPs keep people waiting on purpose. Some of their patients (who have a 10 minute slot,) do overrun. People would complain if they had a few issues and needed say, an extra 3-4 minutes and the GP said 'piss off now you've had your 10 minutes.' It is annoying when you're there early/on time and they don't call you in til 10-15 minutes after your appointment time, but shit happens.

They also have emergency patients who turn up with something they need to see a doctor for immediately - that can throw the appointments all over the place too. I have had an appointment before now, and I've gone in 45 minutes late. Not happy with that - who would be! - but I just suck it up because I am actually grateful to have a GP/the NHS!

And the GP being more than 10-12 minutes late is rare. I always expect them to be late, so if they're not - or I get in early, that's a bonus! But yeah I really doubt the GPs think 'I'm so fucking important you plebs will wait for meeeee!'

Popping in and out of the GP surgery, to the cafe next door, coz you CBA to sit in the waiting room is a bit batshit tbh.

DoreenonTill8 · Today 13:27

Exactly what put. It's absolute selfish, especially now it seems that not only is it being used as an excuse, it's a 'how dare you mention how my poor behaviour affects you, it's all about meeee and I'M THE FOCUS!!' Main character syndrome at it's core, especially those such as the woman mentioned in the work meal out, who think people are actually interested in why they're late, or that the party doesn't start till they arrive.

YEP! We all know someone like this. I went to DH's works Christmas party. in Christmas 2022. There was 14 people due... incl us 2.

We all got there 30 to 35 minutes before the meal was due to start. (was due at 8:00 pm.) In fact everyone did. Except one. This one woman who is a right fucking princess at work and expects people to carry her, and plays the 'poor iccle wumman' card when she gets landed with something she doesn't want to do. Doesn't actually do about 50 to 60% of the work she's supposed to do, is 10 to 20 minutes late at least twice a week at work, and has an extra 10-15% on her lunch everyday.

This woman was not there at the Restaurant by 8.00pm, and when one of the women rang her, she was still getting ready at home! (At 8:00pm when the meal was due to start!!!) She said 'I'll be ready in a minute..' The other woman said 'But the meal is about to start!' She said 'don't have anything til I get there!!! Wait for meeeeeeeee!'

25 minutes later, she wasn't there still. I was getting pissed off and said 'let's just order...' But people didn't want to upset 'Daphne!' They rang her again at 8.25pm. She was still at home! Said 'I can't get a taxi!' Hadn't even booked a taxi on the Friday night less than 2 weeks before Christmas. Of course she couldn't get one!

So someone had to go get her, and it fell to my husband as he doesn't drink much and was the only one who had still not had a drink. Had to go a fetch the silly entitled cow! I went with him, and we had to do a 12 mile round trip to go and fetch her. And she was another TEN MINUTES. Just kept us waiting in the car. I was fuming and said 'for fuck's sake let's go back. To fucking hell with her!' Finally got back to the restaurant at about 9pm, and everyone was like .

We didn't even get our starter until 9:30pm and our main was brought out at 9.45pm, even though none of us were really ready for it, as they were trying to rush us through. Half of it was quite cool. We reckoned they'd probably had it ready for an hour. Dessert came out at 10.00pm. I was still eating my main! I had not eaten since 1:30pm, and could have eaten a scabby donkey. But fuck me they rushed us through.

Like you say, main character syndrome. People who think the party doesn't start till they get there. People who think they're so fucking important that everybody can just sit there like little 'ladies in waiting' for when the precious queen decides to show her stupid fucking face. Does my head in really!

OP, why are you faffing around with mugs and the dog instead of leaving the house? 😵‍💫

I'm naturally perpetually late. The best way I've learned to not be late is to basically double all the timings from what I expect.

Train leaves at 12...I want to be there for 11.45
Takes 2 minutes to park...I'm going to allow 5, so 1140
Takes 5 minutes to get there...I'm going to allow 10...means I need to be in the car at 11.30
I think it'll take 20 minutes to get ready...hmm, I'm going to set my stop working alarm for 10.50. and set a "you have 10 minutes of work left" alarm for 10.40 so I can finish any emails.
Then to be safe I'd make that 10.30 also because I like doing things on the hour/half hour 😂

The other day I did all this and I had time for a cup of tea at the station. That was new!!!

I'd also have packed the bag etc the night before so that was ready to go

So someone had to go get her, and it fell to my husband as he doesn't drink much and was the only one who had still not had a drink. Had to go a fetch the silly entitled cow!

Well that's the thing isn't it?

No one had to go & fetch her did they?

Shame the restaurant didn't kick the lot of you out for pissing about so much over one person.

That's horrific! How very rude of her!!!

That's horrific! How very rude of her!!!

But she'll keep on doing it as she gets away with it!

Yes us earlies or on time people have time constraints also.
We don't have unlimited time to sit and wait for Lady Muck to grace us with her presence.

Latees have to realise them being late has a knock on effect for other people.
It's not all about them,and they need to realise that.

People who think they're so fucking important that everybody can just sit there like little 'ladies in waiting' for when the precious queen decides to show her stupid fucking face.

Although of course the actual Queen would never have dreamed of treating people like that.

Yeah I doubt the GPs keep people waiting on purpose. Some of their patients (who have a 10 minute slot,) do overrun.

My GP was once running very late. Gossip in the waiting room was that the patient had been in there an hour. I just thought it must be something very serious, and was thankful it wasn't me.

Last time I went to the dentist I arrived 15 mins early & went in 10 mins early. Which was very refreshing.

You're not leaving any extra time for the what ifs. Why did you decide at 11am you suddenly have plenty of time? If trains are only an hour then catch the 10am train, take your laptop and work somewhere in a cafe nearby so you can relax before your meeting.

Complete lack of self discipline and organisation.

I have ADHD you fight against it but do it because being a grown up means you have to.

I doubt that it is a class thing. Isn't "Punctuality the Politeness of Princes"?

That has to be one of the most infuriating posts I’ve read on this thread 😡

Saying “don’t have anything til I get there! Wait for me” then proceeds to be an hour late and inconveniences other people.

I can’t believe you all waited around for her and your DH actually went to collect her. I would have refused if I’d been him.

Nope, I dont count the whole waiting time.
If I say I'll meet you at 9am and I get there at half 8, I'll mooch around, window shopping, get a coffee, read my book, very close by. At 8.55 I'll be in the right place because I was a minute away already. I assume you'll be there between 8.55 and 9.10. I'm not a monster, I know shit happens. If I'm still waiting at 9.30 I'll text, if no reply ill give 10 more minutes. And that's it, you'll have wasted 40 minutes of my time, I'll have wasted 70 minutes of my time. You won't get the chance to do that again.
I want to say because it feels painful to wait that long, but that would be unkind of me. So instead I'll say I'm fucked off having travelled to this meet up and wasted my time and money.
But also I wore a bra for this. And it just wasnt worth it.

@HeySummerWhereAreYou I don’t get why people waited, much less ask someone to get here. She must know where an awful lot of bodies are buried?

I used to work in New York a lot and it was standard not to seat a group until everyone had arrived. I thought that was harsh but I hadn’t realised people would wait more than ten minutes for a latecomer.

this and the lady mentioned at the work meal - there’s a whole group who can say “we are not waiting”. It’s not as though one person has to suffer the ire of the crazy spoiled person? So why do people give in? I don’t get it.

This is EXACTLY what happens to me. I set alarms too. I've even tried changing times on my clocks to 'trick' me into thinking I have less time.
I honestly think there is a big divide between those who are late and those who are on time/early and we definitely don't understand each other and the way our brains are wired. I too find myself filling time with chores if I'm ready early.