Did your parents hug you and tell you they loved you as a child?

[Tryingtostayawake]

Speaking to Dh today and his perfect family (they’re really not!) he said how they all said they loved each other all the time and hugged etc. I told him my parents didn’t, we’d kiss goodnight and I knew they loved me. My Dm even says now that she wished she’d done in more (she tells me she loves me now and hugs me when we meet up/leave each other-I live far away.
Dh said this can really mess people up.
Im v affectionate with Dd and hug her and tell her I love her all the time, I can’t help but not 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t say I’m an affectionate person though-only to her and Ddog the most really.
Was anyone else’s family like this? I’m mid 40’s, so the 80’s and 90’s
I remember being away at Brownie camp
for the first time ever away from home for a few days, I was shy so found it hard. When the mums came to pick all the kids up, they all have big hugs and kisses to their kids and I remember seeing my Dm and expecting it and her just coming to me and getting my things, it did really stick with me. My Dm is quite closed And shy though (possibly on the spectrum, but not sure) but still.

No. I hug dd and dh alot

There are other ways of showing affection and love.
Although hugs are physical and comforting.

None the less we are all different so love kindness and support can be shown in lots of ways.
However this is demonstrated it should not be made insignificant.

Perhaps it has messed you up a little bit, though, if you now think it's 'gushing' to say 'I love you' to your own child.

Hahahahahaha! No. Never. If my parents had said they loved me I'd have immediately assumed they'd just been diagnosed with something terminal. I can't actually imagine it, and I'm trying to right now. I just can't see it.

Dad did, I'm sure, although he preferred my brother. Mum can't, she's a mess because of her own childhood.

I remember going away with a friend in my teens and she had to phone home each night (1990s so no mobiles and we were a long way from home) and every call ended with "love you" and I thought it sounded just weird. Mawkish.

I tell my kids constantly.

No mine didn’t and everyone I mention it to (friends etc) thinks that’s sad and weird. I do too. My mum says we were just meant to know 😵‍💫 wedding day, when my kids were born etc, an awkward hug but that’s it.

Surely its normal to say 'I love you' and hug your kids?
(I mean not for me. My poor parents never got to experience that because I hated all that stuff from birth...Id even cry as a baby if you picked me up until I was put down again!LOL).

I don't specifically remember being told I love you but I'm pretty sure my parents did. I remember hugs & kisses so I think they probably did say it too. In particular after my parents' divorce my dad would write to me and the letters were very loving. My dad & I were very close.

I tell my dds every single day I love them so if they're asked the question anytime in the future there should be absolutely no doubt in their minds! A couple of my friends a similar age to me (50s) say they were not shown much affection or told they were loved as children. I can't imagine being like that with your own kids, but maybe it wasn't done so much back then?

I know someone who makes a great public show of affection for his children at every opportunity, tells them how much he loves them (much more than anyone else in their lives, according to the children), tells them how he’s so sad every moment they aren’t with him, yet can’t bring himself to clean them properly after they have used the toilet, or administer prescribed meds properly (or at all) or put appropriate clothing on them for the weather.

Its all show, all talk but no substance.

Love is doing what the other person needs not making an exhibition of oneself.

Born in 1990, absent dad but I can’t remember my Mum ever telling me she loved me, hugging or kissing me. She’s brought it up on various occasions as adults about how she showed her love in other ways, but she really didn’t.

I felt a lot of love from my grandparents though, despite only ever hearing “I love you” from them when they were dying.

45 here and hugs were few and far between. I know they loved me, I felt loved, we just didn’t hug. I find it hard, awkward, when I meet huggers. I hug my children loads and my DM started hugging my children but it never seems natural.

Late 50s & wasn't told I was loved or hugged. I would stick like glue to DM & feel traumatised if she had to leave me for whatever reason. Parents divorced when I was very young and father wasn't in our lives. I was cared and provided for by DM, but no real affection given that I can recall.

It has affected me. I find it difficult to show affection.

Only when I was very small . They seemed to stop as I got bigger.

My mum did. And aunties and gparents.But no one really expected dads to.

I shied away from it all when I got to my teens. Just didn't like it.
I've always been physically affectionate with my dc, but Ds doesn't like physical contact at all, which makes me quite (hypocritically) sad. Dd is more huggy, but she's stopped saying I love you.

No, my parents weren’t demonstrative in their affection but I knew/know they love me. They just weren’t huggers. I get a hug from my mum as an adult, but the only time I actually remember hugging her as a child was when my grandpa died. I’ve never hugged my dad. But their love is clear to see, regardless, so it’s never bothered me.

This 100% although I'm blaming the Aussies. 😜

I started work in the mid 90s, and someone made comment about how weird it was in Aussie soaps that they all hugged each other all the time.

It's definitely a cultural change since the 90s, Home n Away & Neighbours.

My dad told me he loved me every day of my life. My mum never did. I actually had to ask her if she loved me when my dad died as i genuinley didn't know. Turns out that all sorts of crazy stuff happened in her upbringing that she didn't actually know how to say the words. It's pretty sad really.

Born in 1970. My parents never hugged me or kissed me or any kind of affection.

I would be affectionate with my older children, but they hate to be kissed and hugged. So i don't, at their request.

I really don’t remember, I don’t think they did, but I did feel loved.

Despite having grown up in a totally non-demonstrative environment, I am now a pretty huggy adult. I hug my kids, I hug my friends, I hug my sisters and my nieces, and I hug work colleagues too when appropriate. I've been known to greet a stranger with a hug if it feels right.

My parents did show lots of affection and reassurances of love towards us when we were kids. It came more naturally to my dad as his parents were also loving. My mum tends to love bomb us all, I guess to overcompensate for never having any of it from her own parents. It really did fuck her up that her dad never once told her he loved her. She tells me often.

Yes and we still give a hug and kiss and say we love each other now.

Mine often did in public, it was always a happy loving family charade, as behind closed doors they’d sooner hit us than look at us. I had to play along or I’d get a belting.

Public displays of affection give me the shivers.

But, yes, parents can mess you up in all different ways!

No

No, neither of my parents ever really told me they loved me and I don't remember ever being hugged. From around age 6 I can remember my mother would actually actively tell me that having me had ruined her life. Dad was a bit more affectionate when I was young but our relationship was bad once I got to teens. He had/has other serious MH issues that make him lash out and act extremely critically and un aware of how others feel. Yes I think it can be damaging to not be told you're loved and to have affection as a child. I think the extent depends if the child feels loved and appreciated, in my case not only did they lack affection but were highly critical and I think it can make you vulnerable and turn to the wrong places to feel loved. I was lucky enough to escape an abusive relationship, met an amazing and supportive man who makes me feel so loved every day. He also didn't have much affection growing up. We hug and tell our two young DS every day that we love them. No family is perfect but I hope my children will have a good start in life feeling they are loved and supported.

Not that I remember although my mum says she was always hugging me when I was little. I saw some old photos recently of me on my dads knee when I was a kid-I forgot all this stuff and it made me think aw they were loving really it's just I don't remember it.

I think if I'd have been a really affectionate kid they would've been fine with it and done the same but I wasn't at all. My great uncle would kiss you on the cheek and I'd dread seeing him I felt so awkward about it.

We have never once said I love you, I wrote it in a card once to my mum (always been better at writing my feelings) but it makes me cringe thinking about it! She might've hugged me when my grandad died but that's it. My gran would hug me, but I never saw her hug my mum for some reason. I made sure I hugged my nan more when I knew she didn't have long left as it'd been a while since we'd hugged and I didn't wanna regret not doing it. Always been super close to my parents and grandparents, talk about anything with my mum-we're just not very demonstrative.

I do have some issues-depression etc. but I doubt I could blame it on lack of family affection! Although tbh my parents weren't the "we're so proud of you" type either (my mum recently said " there probably wasn't much to be proud of"-the harshest thing she's ever said to me, she doesn't usually say things like that) I do struggle with low self-esteem...