Did your parents hug you and tell you they loved you as a child?

[Tryingtostayawake]

Speaking to Dh today and his perfect family (they’re really not!) he said how they all said they loved each other all the time and hugged etc. I told him my parents didn’t, we’d kiss goodnight and I knew they loved me. My Dm even says now that she wished she’d done in more (she tells me she loves me now and hugs me when we meet up/leave each other-I live far away.
Dh said this can really mess people up.
Im v affectionate with Dd and hug her and tell her I love her all the time, I can’t help but not 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t say I’m an affectionate person though-only to her and Ddog the most really.
Was anyone else’s family like this? I’m mid 40’s, so the 80’s and 90’s
I remember being away at Brownie camp
for the first time ever away from home for a few days, I was shy so found it hard. When the mums came to pick all the kids up, they all have big hugs and kisses to their kids and I remember seeing my Dm and expecting it and her just coming to me and getting my things, it did really stick with me. My Dm is quite closed And shy though (possibly on the spectrum, but not sure) but still.

Yes, both my parents were big on hugs, kisses and telling us they loved us - but their parents were all like that too. My whole family is noisy, warm and affectionate, in a way I associate very much with our particular background (working class Londoners).

However, my uncle’s wife came from a very cold, stiff, much more middle-class family and admitted that when she first met our family in the 1960s she was basically terrified of everyone, and thought it was weird that everyone hugged the kids in the family all the time. She has told us since that she came to be really glad we were like that because she’d never have been as affectionate with her own kids if she hadn’t seen that behaviour modelled by our family.

Edited to add: I am actually not keen on being hugged by anyone I’m not close to. Family and closest mates only, people I get a warm vibe from.

Never. I remember the first time my mum voluntarily hugged me was when she dropped me off to uni at 18. I now make a point of hugging ds and telling him I love him and all the things that are awesome about him every day.

Just having a think. Other ways I think it has affected me long-term:

• imposter syndrome at work, never really feeling good enough
• not liking or ever initiating hugs when seeing friends (they now just know not to hug me as I’m so awkward)!
• not affectionate with my husband. He will hug me, try to kiss me etc at least once a day, sometimes for a while as a joke etc and it’s got to the stage that I just constantly brush it off and try to get away. I hate that I just don’t know how to be affectionate day to day 🙈
• Anxiety around a lot of things, I worry about everything
• im not an upbeat or bubbly person asking people how they are etc. I always keep myself to myself and I’m fairly reserved. I’m always jealous of people who are so upbeat and loud because I just don’t have it in me

My family are very affectionate and we were hugged and kissed as a child. My mum and dad did say they loved us but not all the time/every day. But we knew we were loved.

I always associated it with American TV/movies, I’d never heard any adult tell their children they loved them outside of that. Not just in my family but in general. I think it’s a more recent cultural shift.

I'm exactly the same - my parents have never hugged or kissed me, or told me they loved me (I know they do, just never expressed it in that way). In fact, I've never, ever seen them be affectionate with each other either. I suspect I learned same behaviour from them, because I've never been comfortable with hugs and kisses as casual greetings etc either. Took me a long while to be affectionate with partners too, it just doesn't come naturally to me.

My dd hugs my dc now, but my dm doesn't.

No I cannot remember a single time my parents telling me they loved me as a child. My dad always struggled to express his emotions, but I didn’t doubt he loved me. My mum had a lot of mental health struggles when I was a child, and if anyone asks me about my childhood I automatically think back to the bad times. I have memories of feeling unloved, even if that’s not necessarily true, in those moments I felt that way. I don’t hold it against my mother, she was unwell and back in the 80’s being mentally unwell wasnt something you advertised. If it was now she would have got more help. But I digress, no I wasn’t told I was loved. I never felt that my mum was ever proud of me either.

If it’s any consolation, I was hugged loads as a kid and I’m still a very anxious, awkward, worried person.

My mum wasn’t affectionate. She started hugging a few years after separating from my step dad (I was already an adult). It was odd though. Like she didn’t know how to do it. I’m certain that she only started hugging me because she had no other physical contact with anyone.

Both my parents didn't hug me or say they actually loved me, my mum gave me affection though and I felt she cared a lot, my dad on the other hand was an emotionless prick.

A few months after my mum died, he got remarried (i know), i told him my concerns and he got aggressive with me, we've not spoken since.

My parents didn't say it and still don't. Hugs were brought in by me when I was little. Weird 80s/ 90s emotionless parents. Ah well.

Mine hugged me, but did not often say they loved me - if they did it would have been in the context of a serious talk of some kind. I never doubted that they loved me. But I grew up not really realising that you could say this in a casual, everyday kind of way - to me it was only for romantic and/or serious situations. I had my eyes opened when I first heard DH casually saying 'love you' to his mum and sister at the end of a call.

Why is he saying this to you and projecting this onto you???

No, and remember that mum used to say that they loved me even though they weren't demonstrative. Unwrapping it now I'm older in my fifties it's clear my father had asd and possibly mum too. My dad started hugging me when he got dementia and I found it weird because there hadn't been any affection previously. I also have asd and don't like people touching me , I think it's more normal for people to be affectionate and good for children to experience that. My husband's family are huggers and I fucking hate it lol I physically swerve them, they still do it though bastards😁

Late 40's and never hugged - as an adult l hate hugging people - find it awkward and cringey.
But l hug and tell dd every single day l love her so hopefully am breaking the cycle.

No not once, no hugs, no telling me they loved me.
It still makes me sad. I can't imagine not hugging my kids or telling them I love them numerous times a day.

Father a kiss on forehead at bedtime. Never told I was loved but I know I was.
Mother no hugs can't remember if we got a bedtime kiss. She told me when she was in the nursing home that she loved me and always had. But we knew somehow.
Grandparents no. Except one grandmother who I spent quite a bit of time with at weekends as a child I kissed her goodbye when I went home. I find it easy but I don't get it from family. Didn't see much affection between adults either.
I'm happy hugging friends, dont have much family now, so it's not stopped me.

I’m not sure if it messed me up. I think probably a little bit, but only cos it was a sign of a wider lack of emotional engagement with any feelings or problems or challenges I had. Emotions, hugging, declarations of love - not something we did. I was left to sort out my own feelings, problems and difficulties which was impossible for a child with no clue and no siblings to confide in. And so it’s taken me a really long time to mature into trusting others with my feelings. I still find it very hard to ask for help or support from anyone at all.

Mine were very cuddly and always said that they loved me. DHs weren’t the same. But I don’t honestly think that they loved him any less than my parents loved me.

No, never. Neither of my parents were demonstrative, my dad openly didn't want to know. He used to tell us that he never wanted children or to get married and that our mother forgot to take her pill. We used to feel sorry for him.

My mum wasn't maternal and wasn't interested. She was short tempered, aggressive and neglectful.

The closest I came to a hug was my dad tucking me in at night. I remember it stopped at my 7th birthday because I was too old. Nothing from mum ever.
im not damaged by it, and me and dad have said I love you as adults (never In childhood). Mum never said it, because she didn’t (and openly said that from age 7)

Rubbish. Of course it wouldn’t mess you up. My parent never said they loved us but we knew they did. You can create a safe loving environment for your children without gushing about your how much you love them all the time.

Interesting post! I remember thinking when I was about 9 'I don't think my parents love me and they never show it or say it, but I read in books that parents love their children so I suppose they most do'

I don't think kissing, hugging and saying "I love you" was a thing years ago. I have no doubt my parents loved me, but they didn't ever say so, and they didn't hug either. My mum hugged me a couple of times when she was dying from cancer.

I have always made a point of kissing and hugging my children and telling I love them.

My mother was overly demonstrative and I, as a result, am not a particularly affectionate adult. However, I am with my daughters, in that we hug one another a lot and say "I love you" throughout the day (they're 6). We're all AuDHD.