Did your parents hug you and tell you they loved you as a child?

[Tryingtostayawake]

Speaking to Dh today and his perfect family (they’re really not!) he said how they all said they loved each other all the time and hugged etc. I told him my parents didn’t, we’d kiss goodnight and I knew they loved me. My Dm even says now that she wished she’d done in more (she tells me she loves me now and hugs me when we meet up/leave each other-I live far away.
Dh said this can really mess people up.
Im v affectionate with Dd and hug her and tell her I love her all the time, I can’t help but not 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t say I’m an affectionate person though-only to her and Ddog the most really.
Was anyone else’s family like this? I’m mid 40’s, so the 80’s and 90’s
I remember being away at Brownie camp
for the first time ever away from home for a few days, I was shy so found it hard. When the mums came to pick all the kids up, they all have big hugs and kisses to their kids and I remember seeing my Dm and expecting it and her just coming to me and getting my things, it did really stick with me. My Dm is quite closed And shy though (possibly on the spectrum, but not sure) but still.

I didn't have a dad around, but my mother and grandmother who lived with us were affectionate and I was definitely felt loved. My mother had a difficult relationship with her father so I think she wanted to be a great mother to me. She was!

No. Never.

No hugs and I love you from my DPs and I can't say I ever saw my friends parents doing it, however I never felt unloved or unwanted.
My DM in particular was a hugely practical person who gave care if needed (nurse) but in a very practical way rather than emotional.
I never felt close to DM as some mother and daughters seem to be.
I was much more affection with my DS and told him I loved him every day, hugs and kisses. He is in his 30 but when we speak on the phone we always finish it with love you.
My DPs were amazing grandparents to their 6 grandkids, much more relaxed than they ever were as parents.

I don't think it screwed me up, but it did point me in the I wanted to be a parent.

No, and I don't recall my friends' parents doing it either. 1960s-70s.
We're all much more huggy now.

It does not mess people up. I never hugged or kissed my parents and never really expected to (80's). They always had my back. I went to University in 1988 aged 18, first to go from a big family, and a pretty sorted kid, my Mum and Dad dropped me off. I was keen to get on with the new life and left without a second's thought. As they were about to pull away, my Dad got out of the car and gave me a tenner towards my books that I had to buy, gave me a quick hug and said "you know where we are if you need us". I only now realise now how much discipline that must have took him. We've moved on 40 years now and I have seen two of mine go to University, and two more going, and yes we hug, and I tell them the same thing, that I will always be there for them. My Mum and Dad are still about, now in their 80s and I give them a hug/kiss everytime I leave them, as do my kids. Whereas I realise that I was not endlessly showered with hugs and kisses in the '80s (would have found that weird anyway) they loved me, and they love my children. Sometimes you just know, Hope this helps xx

Yes frequently told me they loved me, were proud of me, cuddles, kisses and interested in my and my sister's lives. I also knew they loved each other very much (they still very much do in their late 80s).

I was born in the late 60s. Until I got together with Dh, I had no idea that this wasn't the norm for everyone.

Say it to my kids all the time. Dh doesn't because it wasn't a thing in his family but our children know he loves them.

Never. But I do it all the time with my kids. DH’s parents didn’t either and he struggles to show affection with our kids now they’re older. However he does give them a lot of time and interest (which his parents didn’t with him) so in his mind he’s showing love instead of saying it.

Not they didn’t. I don’t remember receiving hugs or a love you from either of my parents. When I had my own children my mother pointed out that my children always said they loved me - I always tell my children I love them too, and then suddenly when we ended a call or said good bye from a visit my mum started saying she loved me, it felt very odd and I can’t stay it back to her. I feel it’s too little too late to be telling me now when I should have heard it growing up. My MIL on the other hand has always said she loves me when saying goodbye so I am able to say it to her.

Not half as much as I am with my kids! My parents were/are great, they were supportive of me, encouraged me, said they were proud of me but we weren’t a very demonstrative physically family.
I remember my mum saying once, incredulously, when they had been in Italy “the young men would just go up and hug and kiss their mums, I saw one man put his head on his mums shoulder and she was stroking his hair while they talked “ and she meant it in an “OMG weird” way, whilst I thought “that sounds brilliant! I’ll do that with my kids”
Anyway, I now have an 11 and 14 YO and we have always been a very physically and vocally affectionate family. We say I love you casually, just fling it around. We hug all the time, ruffle hair, they’ll even happily succumb to a cheek squeeze now and then. I love it and hope it carries on forever!

Yes both my parents always told us they loved us, hugged us and continue to do so now (I'm 44).

They're affectionate with each (both mid-70s) and always tell us and show us how much they cherish us and each other.

My boys are both affectionate, DS1 more so than DS2 in that he says "I love you" all the time, but both seek out hugs and affection and DH and I tell them that we love them all the time. They don't go to bed without a kiss and hug and us saying that we love them.

No, in fact my mom and i often joke that we had our first hug after a play i was in when i was 14 because all the luvvies around us made her feel awkward that she wasnt hugging me lol
There are some families who dont show affection this way, i never felt unloved but certainly we've all learned to show it more as time has gone on

I don’t ever remember being hugged or told that my parents loved me. But I knew it without a doubt (especially my mum who would have died for me, no question). I don’t like physical affection much and have had to train myself to be ok with it (hugs with friends etc) and I am very affectionate with my children and tell them I love them very much. But it hasn’t messed me up generally. Making somebody feel loved is about much more than a few words and cuddles. And you can cuddle somebody and destroy their self worth through your parenting.

No, not really, but my parents were abusive.
I think my sisters have learnt from that, as they're so different with their children, and we all say it to each other now.

They did, but it wasn’t straightforward.

My mother used to occasionally tell me she loved me but didn’t like me, which was profoundly damaging to me and is something I’m still dealing with today. She also used to withhold affection regularly - I would tell her that I loved her and if she was harbouring resentment or some kind of grievance she would simply not acknowledge that I had spoken.

My father would give hugs. He didn’t say he loved us hugely often but he did when he really felt it was meaningful. I have a less complicated relationship with him in that he hurt me a lot less but he also turned a blind eye to what my mother was doing when he should have protected me.

I have a good relationship with them now because I’ve worked a lot in therapy on overcoming the damage they did and accepting an apology I will never receive. I keep things somewhat superficial to protect myself but we spent pleasant time in each others company. I don’t see them as a reliable part of my support network, however.

I tell my own children I love them at least daily, and we are very physically affectionate. A lot of my therapy now is focussed on not making the same mistakes with them that my parents did with me.

Never hugged or told I was loved. I had a similar experience of camp where all parents were excited to see kids but mum just walked off to car.
It definitely has left me insecure as an adult. I tell my own children I love them several times a day. They’ll never have the doubt I had

I didn't get hugs or told 'I love you'.
But I did have a wonderful childhood and my parents actions and care demonstrated their love.
I guess it was partly a sign of the times as it didn't seem particularly unusual to me.

No they didn’t. My dad was more affectionate, but he was also stricter (I suppose more emotional generally) - I’d sit on his lap and give him a goodnight kiss and he’d usually take me up to bed. However, my mum was much softer, didn’t really get involved in discipline but was less tactile.
i don’t remember them saying they loved me but I knew they did.
I’m the opposite with DC - always hugging and saying ‘I love you’ - maybe not as much now they’re grown adults! I think the friends I made when I was in my teens ‘taught’ me to hug and be more emotionally available.

Both of my parents were huggers and kissers and still are! We were told we were loved constantly even when we were in bother. My DH & I are the same with our son. Funnily enough though, the thought of hugging anyone else repulses me!

No they didn't. I knew I was loved, no question. I do tell my kids, but it doesn't mean saying it after every conversation and phone call, and slobbering all over them like I see some parents doing. There's a good middle ground (as with most things.)

I was born in the 60s in the U.K. so disagree, not a recent thing.

Every night I was hugged and kissed and sent to bed with “I love you” from both parents. This was how all my extended family were, and what it was like when I had sleepovers at friends houses (their parents to them, not to me)

My parents and I say “I love you “ before hanging up on a phone call too.

Nope, mine rarely (if ever) showed proper affection.
I made a point of being much more open with affection when I became a parent.

Not that I can remember ....so no

Born 1959....no hugs or kisses at all. When my mother was dying I couldn't bring myself to hug her.
I was very demonstrative with my dcs.

My dad wasn’t a hugger and has rarely told me he loves me, but my mum was and is the complete opposite. Hugging us and telling us she loved us all the time. I have a better relationship with my dad than I do my mum. This isn’t really to do with affection so much as my mother has a filthy temper, always has done. So she could go from chucking stuff at us, hitting us and just general aggressive behaviour to deciding she was sorry and hugging us/telling us she loves us. The latter was a relief from all the violence- but you had to forgive her there and then and accept the affection even if you didn’t want to because you were still upset by it. I involuntarily flinched once and she went off all over again and dragged me by my hair. By amazing coincidence, I was in an abusive relationship with an older man from when I was in my teens who behaved in a very similar way.

To summarise, hugs and words like I love you are cheap. There’s other ways to show someone you love them.

No, my parents rarely hugged me (or my siblings) and I don't recall them says they love me. I knew they loved me but I wished they were more affectionate. As I got older I did ask my parents questions about this and they said it was just how they were brought up (strict west indian upbringing). I remember telling them that if I had kids I wouldn't hesitate to hug them and tell them how much I love them and since having them, that has always been the case. It has rubbed off onto my parents, as they always give hugs when we visit. My DS is particularly affectionate and I can see how my mum's heart melts when he randomly gives her a hug.

My DH is from a very affectionate family so when we started dating, I found it a bit awkward to give/recieve a hug every time I saw a family member but it was also lovely to always feel so welcomed when I saw them. The welcoming affection from DH's still remains 20 years in and I'm sure it will never go away.