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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be made to feel bad about baby's weight

55 replies

pinata · 17/04/2008 16:17

ok, so went to get DD weighed today and she is on 98th centile - her weight has shot up again after levelling off for a while

i asked them to measure her height as she is also tall and it would put weight into perspective, but the stupid HV refused

she then went on to say i should be worried about heart trouble in DD if she stays big (she is 18 weeks) and that i have to come back in 2 weeks because this all clearly needs keeping an eye on

i tried to explain that DH's family is very tall (i'm talking women over 6ft) but she only cared about DD's weight

so now i'm sitting here feeling rubbish wondering what the hell i'm supposed to do. she doesn't feed when she's not hungry and doesn't even finish every bottle. am i being unreasonable not to want to deprive her of food when she's hungry? and not to want to be made to feel like i'm setting her up for a heart attack or something?

OP posts:
Dragonbutter · 17/04/2008 16:19

do you have to have her weighed?
They make the same fuss about my two who are both 9th centile. I just don't get them weighed anymore.

michie40 · 17/04/2008 16:20

HV sounds nutty

mazzystar · 17/04/2008 16:20

tell her to take a running jump

or get a new hv, one without blinkers

SquonkTheBeerGuru · 17/04/2008 16:20

I think you're doing fine.

My dd1 was off the chart weight wise.

She was also off the chart height wise.

She was in proportion.

You can't overfeed a baby. You just can't. If they take more than they need, they will sick it up.

Give yourself a pat on the back for being such a fab mummy.

If you are worried, there should be height/weight measurement thingies in the back of the red book, but it sounds to me like your HV was having a senior moment.

BohemianLilly · 17/04/2008 16:21

I totally empathise with you, my DD classes as 'overweight' when she was a baby and like your DD she didnt over feed, strangely enough as soon as she reached around 10 months she plummeted and now she goes to the hospital 4 times ayear because she is underweight!!!

She is the weight of an 18mth-2yr old but she is 3.3!!

belgo · 17/04/2008 16:21

yes your HV is stupid.

And how awful to make you worry about heart trouble.

BohemianLilly · 17/04/2008 16:23

Oh and meant to say that as soon as your DD starts to crawl/walk she will drop most of it anyway, dont let your HV make you feel bad, your doing fine

MamaChris · 17/04/2008 16:25

My ds was born on 99.6th centile for length (and has remained there) and 50th centile for weight. his weight is now (11 weeks) above 91st centile, but hv says "oh - it's fine - he can go all the way to the top line because of his length". YANBU to want the same advice from your hv! I know that our weight clinic doesn't have a scale to measure length, but can you ask your gp to measure that so you can go armed with that information at next weigh in? Or even try it at home?

BalloonSlayer · 17/04/2008 16:26

Oh Gawd, don't they drive you round the bend!

No, YANBU.

I had the opposite, as I was always worrying about DS1 being so underweight... only on the 9th or 12th centile. They kept saying not to worry but his height was on the 98th which meant to me it was more significant, but no, they just don't seem to be able to reason it out.

What about making an appointment to see the GP, all innocence: I am SOOO worried the HV says she's too heavy what shall I do. I think maybe she's tall but no one will measure her for me sniff. GP will no doubt tut about health visitors and tell you not to worry.

MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 16:26

Are all HVs dimwits? My son has always been on the 98th centile. At 3 yrs old he is enormously tall for his age, although skinny (he was a chubby baby). Ignore her.

belgo · 17/04/2008 16:27

I would measure her height at home iiwy

needahand · 17/04/2008 16:28

I think it is just ridiculous. Ignore your HV and trust your instinct.

My DD was a big baby when she was born and she was a big baby after that. Once she started walking etc... she got a little bit thinner. Her legs are still really plump etc but she doesn't eat more than another child and she is eating healthily. Children come in all forms and shapes. Woud really not pay any attention to HV

CoteDAzur · 17/04/2008 16:30

It's a good thing when a baby is chubby. It means she has a reserve for when she is ill and doesn't eat a thing for a week.

I was made to worry about the same thing. Then DD caught a gastro bug and dropped from 11 kgs to 10 kgs in one week.

They are babies. It's way too early to worry about weight.

muppetgirl · 17/04/2008 16:31

we had the same but in reverse iyswim. Ds 1 was on the 75th percentile but got to 12 weeks and plumeted to the 9th and then under that for a while. The HV kept worrying over it saying that she was going to refer ds to the paediatrician (sp? sorry) but couldn;t tell me what for. He ate loads. We then saw a new HV is the old one went on sick leave and she said 'does he move a lot?, does he eat a lot? Is he growing? Looked at me (size 10) and said well he takes after you I don't have a problem.

Ds 2 is on the 91st percentile and I am happy he's eating, drinking, sleeping, growing and meeting his milestones. I am not worrying about his weight as I did ds 1's.

Nod and smile, nod and smile (or get him weighed less or not at all)

feetheart · 17/04/2008 16:33

Some things just don't change - my mum and her friend always took their babies to the clinic together to be weighed and both used to come out crying, mum because she was told I weighed too much and her friend because her baby weighed too little. Both babies were happy and healthy and feeding well. My mum took the the very sensible decision not to go again after a few weeks of this - I'm still happy and healthy and feeding well at 45

YANBU and your HV is barking

mamababa · 17/04/2008 16:37

Your baby is on a centile. The 98th. But not all babies fall into these anyway, so I think they are a load of c**p. My DS is on the 98th for height - would the HV suggest he is too tall and I should put him in a box to stop him growing anymore??!! I think they make it up as they go along. Your DD sounds like she's doing all well and you're doing all the right things

lackaDAISYcal · 17/04/2008 16:37

Is there no pleasing these people

i think they just feel they have to say something negative if they haven't had their quota of negativity/undermining/confidence knocking for that day.

You might get a better idea about the weight/height thing from the WHO charts

misdee · 17/04/2008 16:39

i remember dd2 being weighed and she was off the chart. the hv was shocked and asked me to see the gp about dd2 weight problem. i refused and asked her to check her height. also off the chart. dd2 perfectly in proportion and i was happy. the HV wasnt and asked me to do a diary sheet. i refused again. (stubborn, me?). anyway, dd2 is now 5, very tall and slim, now back on the charts but right on the top line. she passed her schoo medical with no issues.

oiFoiF · 17/04/2008 16:40

dont go is my advice#
dd was too small
ds1 too big
and ds2 is ok apparentlt but slow to wean and shoulg be sleeping through no shit sherlock

maryz · 17/04/2008 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neeka · 17/04/2008 16:45

did the h.v not consider that there may be an underlying health reason for her weight (not trying to worry you, just suggesting poss explanation!), they are too easy to blame parents. i weaned my dd at 13wks and was berated for doing so, she is the perfect weight now and always has been, amazing how many h.v's aren't even parents!

Flo23 · 17/04/2008 16:55

As my HV said to me, anything within the centile range is normal. Your dd is just in the upper range of normal(as is my ds).

Original poster
pinata · 17/04/2008 17:09

wow - thank you all so much. i really felt like crying when i left there

DD doesn't even look particularly chubby, tbh. she wear 3-6 month clothes and although the trousers are getting short they are still loose around her waist. this is what i mean about tall coming into it too

yes - i think they do have a quota of how many people they can make feel rubbish in a day.

"do you know only 2% of babies weigh more than yours?" - yeah, thanks for that...

you've all made me feel so much better - and i am going to measure her myself (or try to, if i can get her lying still long enough)

OP posts:
Original poster
pinata · 17/04/2008 18:01

just to add - lackaDAISYcal - thank you for those charts and mamachris for the instructions on measuring your baby at home - i measured her and for her height her weight is exactly average, right on the button

i'm going back in 2 weeks to tell the stupid HV - that should be fun

OP posts:
ALMummy · 17/04/2008 18:10

Oh I had this but in reverse. DS went down through the centiles. It got to a point where there was talk of referring him to a Paediatrician. I am 5'4 and DH is 5'7 - neither exactly giants. I said this to my HV and she just looked at me blankly and then said it was not relevant. How can this be true? I look back at the photographs of him now and he was a right chunky monkey but it all but ruined his babyhood for me, I was so scared all the time that my baby was starving or they would think that I wasnt feeding him.