Going to bed at 8:30 on holiday

[Sharingshared]

On holiday with DH & kids.
I have turned in at 8:30 after a great day at the beach. DH was planning on going to the lounge area to seeing what's going on, with eldest DC, aged 10.
Ive asked him to stay in the hotel room because I don't see the point of going out at this time. DH has agreed, although it took some convincing. He said I was being strange. Am I?

What's the point of going on holiday if you're not allowed to explore?!

Unless you're somewhere actually dangerous and not just a strange city then YABVU.

Perfectly reasonable that after a day at the beach you fancy an early night, totally unreasonable to ask your DH not to go out with your DC because you are worried about them going out

I am being perfectly rational. I get worried, it's normal

I'm afraid it's not rational and it's not normal unless you've gone on holidays to a war zone. Why on earth did you go on holidays if you are too scared of the place.

I'm glad your poor husband went out. What a shit holiday for your family

It's very controlling to ask them both to stay in the hotel room.

Are you in active warzone? Presumably not so providing your husband is unlikely to take your daughter to a strip show, they’ll likely be fine going for a stroll along the sea!

So what if they leave the hotel? Your husband is a normal adult, right? I am sure he can cope with walking down the street in the evening. What they want to do is normal holiday behaviour. Nothing wrong with an early night either, but forcing other people to sit in a hotel room with you at 8:30 is not normal at all.

No it isnt.

He is a grown man, not a small child wandering a strange city on its own.

This level of worry is far beyond anything that is normal, you need to see someone about it.

You sound quite odd. No wonder your do wants to go to the lounge with the
kids!

For some reason I can often get REALLY tired at the start of a holiday. I let the rest of the family do what they want and I apologise and go to bed.

You are not being even a little bit rational. You are an adult in a hotel, you don’t need to be babysat by your DH.

I am going to assume you are not in an exceptionally dangerous city, since that doesn’t sound like the kind of place you’d choose to go, but correct me if I am wrong because that could make quite a difference.

Assuming you’re not then I think you probably know that this is an anxiety disorder, I really sympathise and I hope when you get home you can redouble any efforts to get help with medication or other approaches. It’s good that they have gone out, try to take the time to relax and watch some tv or read.

As adults, it is our responsibility to deal with our own shit, rather than inflicting it on those around us.

In the OP's case, it is her responsibility to find a way to manage her anxiety (by seeking therapy, seeing her GP etc.). Instead, she is denying the problem and expecting her DH to restrict his life to assuage her worries.

(Deleted - duplicate)

If this was the other way round, and it was dh stopping the op from going out everyone would be calling him controlling and saying LTB.

Is this a reverse. Is it your husband that doesn’t think you should leave the room?

Why can’t they go out??!!! I would be annoyed if I was your DH. Fair enough you want to relax, but 8:30 is early on holiday, and sounds like your DH and son wanted to go and have a mooch round, and seems like you have guilt tripped them to stay in with you? And then you’ll be asleep soon, and they’ll be bored, and they will have to creep around trying not to wake you!!

You are being controlling and selfish and I would be angry

👏👏👏

Totally agree

Mmm, real life is a bit more complex and messy though. We don't always do the things we need to do especially if they are rooted in trauma. In a thread of absolute flaming I am simply trying to offer a bit of compassion.

But go ahead and preach away.

OP - it sounds like you are suffering from extreme anxiety which is impacting on your relationship and your children.

are you holidaying in a high crime area? Does your husband have form for being irresponsible and placing your child in danger?

i have never gone anywhere on holiday where I couldn’t go for a stroll at 8pm in the summer. I once holidayed in Boston in the winter and the hotel advised not go out alone after dark. But I assume it’s still light outside and you aren’t somewhere like Johannesburg or Rio?

Reverse?

So what if it's a strange city? Surely most holidays are to places people haven't been before, so they'll be in strange towns, cities, countries, resorts and people still leave their hotels.