Going to bed at 8:30 on holiday

[Sharingshared]

On holiday with DH & kids.
I have turned in at 8:30 after a great day at the beach. DH was planning on going to the lounge area to seeing what's going on, with eldest DC, aged 10.
Ive asked him to stay in the hotel room because I don't see the point of going out at this time. DH has agreed, although it took some convincing. He said I was being strange. Am I?

It's not normal and it's really damaging

My partner will go out in a strange city alone at 1am, I don't worry about it. He's got a phone and common sense.

You mean you haven't had him chipped and neutered? 🙄

The fact that you think it is okay to impose restrictions on your DH, and limit his movements, because of your irrational fears is a massive red flag.

He is his own person. He is not an extension of you, and you have no right to impose restrictions like this.

You are ridiculous and selfish

I agree. Bloody hell, just because you want to be in bed early (which is fine- your choice) doesn’t mean everyone else wants to.

Very controlling.

I love an early night but I would not expect my husband and daughter to stay in the room if they wanted to go out.

it seems very selfish of you.

I did one holiday
Early nights with youngest , dh took older one out.
Worked well.

Oh OP, this level of anxiety and need for control is really not normal and not rational. Please look at getting help to manage it.

Unless you’re on holiday in Guatemala City, or Gaza, then no, it’s really not normal.

I mean, this really depends on which city. Just get him to turn live location on if you're that worried.

Yeah. Totally. Especially now you’re sitting on Mumsnet instead of spending time with your family. Bit sad isn’t it? Try again tomorrow to remember that you’re a family and you don’t get to dictate what dad does with the kids when you can’t be arsed.

I relented. Big of you.

Why on earth did you chose somewhere for a family holiday that makes you feel uncomfortable leaving your room after 8.30?

Especially now you’re sitting on Mumsnet instead of spending time with your family. Bit sad isn’t it?

I had the same thought

Are you scared for them or yourself being alone?

I don't think it was okay to say they couldn't leave but I do think people are being pretty harsh when you clearly have some mental health stuff going on. It must be hard to feel so anxious.

You are being selfish and ridiculous. Going to bed early is fine, trying to dictate what the rest of the family does during your early night is definitely not.

So what if it is a strange city? so what if they go out of the hotel? I assume your DH is an adult and perfectly capable of being out of your sight for a few hours

Your behaviour isn't normal OP. They need to stay in on their holiday to keep vigil while you go to sleep before sunset ? Weird.

It's not normal.

You want to go to bed at 8:30? Fine.

But to impose limits then on what the rest of your family do for the evening? A million miles away from normal.

Telling your husband he can't even leave the hotel room because you're worried he'll leave the hotel? Entire lightyears away from normal.

YABU @Sharingshared. Your behaviour is controlling and selfish. Your DH is a grown man and capable of making his own decisions about minor things like whether to explore a city after <drum roll> 8.30pm.

I thought you were being controlling before but now it seems more like you're suffering from some pretty serious anxiety. I've been there, it's not fun. But honestly, you don't have to live like this x

If my husband ever instructed me I wasn’t allowed to go out at 8.30 but then graciously relented he would not be my husband anymore.

I bet this thread will be deleted at the OP's request before too long.

You are massively unreasonable and controlling.

Even if you have the benefit of the doubt and the controlling behaviour is due to anxiety, it is not acceptable to let it affect your husband and child this way

Telling a grown adult they should not go out because you dont want them to leave the hotel or giving them a curfew is not ok behaviour.

Good grief! I have travelled all over the world as a lone female for the last 20 years and, unless I am in a really dodgy place, have no problem in going out in the evening to a restaurant or for a walk. Probably wouldn't go into bars but love sitting in cafes in the evening watching the world go by.
For example, a couple of years ago wandered the medieval streets of Verona, listening to the sounds of cooking and music and families talking from the open windows. It was quite magical and timeless with the twinkling lights. Yes, you have to be aware of your surroundings and not be silly.
As for your poor partner not being allowed to go out of the hotel or even in the hotel lounge, words fail me. What an utterly miserable time for them.