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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treating grand children fairly?

111 replies

Tryintoparent · 26/08/2024 20:20

MIL has 5 grandchildren in total. A day out was planned to a funfair for all of them.
Two of the grand kids were unwell on the day so couldn’t go.
MIL gave the 3 ‘well’ children £20 each to spend at the funfair. The question is, should she have given £20 to the other two as well who were unwell?

YABU - she shouldn’t have given the two unwell kids money as it was given to spend at the fair.

YANBU - all of the kids should’ve been treated the same and all given £20 each

OP posts:
ChickenandaCanofCoke · 26/08/2024 20:21

No, she didn't need to give the kids who weren't there £20 ffs.

AllBlackEverything · 26/08/2024 20:22

No. The money was to be spent at the funfair, not "just because".

KNein · 26/08/2024 20:22

No, that's ridiculous and very mercenary of the parents of the ill children. I'd assume things will even out over time, next time she takes them out or once when she takes the "ill" children out without the others for whatever reason.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2024 20:25

What? No.

GRex · 26/08/2024 20:27

I would think most grandmothers would take the poorly ones out for a different treat some other time in coming months. That might or might not include being given some money, the equity comes from giving each a treat.

MissRachelismycoparent · 26/08/2024 20:28

No, of course she didn't need to give the ones who weren't there £20. It's like not going with her to a museum but expecting her to post you the money for the admission fee she didn't pay for you.

MoxFulder · 26/08/2024 20:29

YABU.

StuckOnTheCeiling · 26/08/2024 20:30

The money was specifically to spend at the fair, so no, the others don’t need it.

What would be nice, but not obligatory, would be to either get something from the fair for the kids who missed out, or to do some kind of make up outing later.

mynameiscalypso · 26/08/2024 20:31

That's so...business like. What a weird attitude to have.

Humdingerydoo · 26/08/2024 20:32

I wouldn't expect her to give the kids who missed it £20, no. I would just assume she'll want to take them on a different outing another time instead to make up for it and give them the spending money then instead.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 26/08/2024 20:32

No the money was spending money for the trip out! My parents will often give ds 20 euros (etc) if we're going on holiday they wouldn't give DNs the same amount at the same time, I'm pretty sure they do similar when DB takes DNs on holiday but no one is keeping count. What if we go on 3 holidays one year and they only go on two, what about the fact there are two DNs and only one of my DC. It's nonsense and ridiculous point scoring!

Teenagerantruns · 26/08/2024 20:32

No the money was to spend on day out. She can take unwell ones out at a later date if she wants.

Crazycatlady79 · 26/08/2024 20:32

Were the unwell duo your DC, by any chance?!
No; she 'should' not have given the sickly pair £20.
Jesus...

HerewegoagainSS · 26/08/2024 20:33

Are your kids the ill ones by any chance?

Shame for the ones who missed out. Granny is generous to see her money being thrown away on tat at a fairground. Guess she likes gifting the experience.

Izzymoon · 26/08/2024 20:34

Does she have to transfer the £3.5 she spent on an ice cream for the kids too??
You’re nuts.

MrsStottlemeyer · 26/08/2024 20:36

YABU it's a transactional way of thinking.

Starseeking · 26/08/2024 20:39

No, of course she shouldn't, it would be ridiculous because they didn't go to the funfair.

moppety · 26/08/2024 20:39

YABU, it's a very transactional and mercenary way to look at what was a really nice offer. I'm sure she will do something else with those who missed out in the future, but if you start taking note of who got £20 when and who didn't, that way madness lies.

BusyMum47 · 26/08/2024 20:40

No, of course not - they weren't there! It's probably disappointing for the unwell children but that's life - they'll undoubtedly have another trip/treat in the future. Life isn't 'transactional' in that way.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 26/08/2024 20:40

Of course not! What a bizarre way of thinking.

NoahsTortoise · 26/08/2024 20:52

No chance, I hate stuff like this!!

My MIL has 5 grandchildren and the older ones very much have this attitude too, even if, for example, grandparents offer an ice cream/drink on a day out, the ones that don't want it ask if they can't have the money instead?! Bizarre.

As far as I'm concerned, money for souvenirs/treats on days out is for that purpose only. Your MIL is not a cash machine and I'm sure when the unwell children next attend a day out they'll be treated just the same as all the other children. They just happened not to be there on this occasion and so they missed out.

SnapBang · 26/08/2024 21:15

Absolutely not. How ungrateful of the parents to even think that. The children will presumably all get sick at some point or another and these things even themselves out over time. Plus when mine were small and sick, they had extra attention / TV / a magazine when they felt a bit better anyway. Unless the two children are disabled and there’s a huge back story of them missing out over and over again or something? In which case, perhaps MIL could do something else nice to spend time with them once they’re feeling better. It’s about the thought surely, not the money.

SnapBang · 26/08/2024 21:18

@NoahsTortoise asking for cash when offered a drink?! I’m gobsmacked at that

Bex5490 · 26/08/2024 21:26

Lol is this a reversed one? Like really you’re shocked that your daughter or daughter in-law would ask for 20 quid for her kids that missed the trip?

If not then YABU

NowImNotDoingIt · 26/08/2024 21:35

YABU.

If she spent the money herself instead buying them food/treats/ice cream should she be expected to pop by with all the same items for the ill DC? Of course not x

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