Treating grand children fairly?

[Tryintoparent]

MIL has 5 grandchildren in total. A day out was planned to a funfair for all of them.
Two of the grand kids were unwell on the day so couldn’t go.
MIL gave the 3 ‘well’ children £20 each to spend at the funfair. The question is, should she have given £20 to the other two as well who were unwell?

YABU - she shouldn’t have given the two unwell kids money as it was given to spend at the fair.

YANBU - all of the kids should’ve been treated the same and all given £20 each

The £20 was the cost of the day out at the shows - the kids would spend that going on rides, etc.

If the £20 had instead been spent on admission to zoo/cinema/etc, then no-one would expect those who couldn't attend to get £20!

So the grandparent doesn't owe the other children £20 each to make it fair.

How can it be a reverse when the OP hasn't said who she is in this story? Most people have jumped to the conclusion that she's the mother of the sick kids, but she hasn't said that.

This^

If she then takes the sick ones out when they're better, would she have to give the other three £20 on that occasion too ? Because then the whole venture will have cost her double what the intended trip would have. Which is really unfair on her

No. These things balance out in the end.

Seriously??? Unless it’s a reverse then whoever is asking is ridiculous.

Really need to appreciate my parents more! They would, without a doubt give my kids the same. It wouldn’t even be a question. Sorry for those of you who have missed out on this. My parents are just really fair when it comes to their children/grandchildren. What one gets the others get.

Jeez. I have 10, soon to be 12 grandchildren. They all get different bits at different times. Some get more probably because they live locally and I see them more so an odd bag of sweets or a magazine.

The others get treated as well but at different times. One of the oldest ones is an extremely talented gymnast and we’ve helped out with equipment etc as needed.

We’ve bought school uniform for struggling parents at times.

I have 2 that I have custody of so they clearly get a lot more.

None of my kids or in law kids adds up the spends.

Why are so many on here materialistic ? Different times I guess but seriously ut was given obv to spend at funfair as not cheap.

Agree. Get a grip

My lord, what a grabby way of thinking .

I guess it was implied by the structure of the YABU/ YANBU.

If she was the MIL or mum of ‘sick kids’ it would be the opposite way round.

And I feel sorry for you all viewing value in monetary and mercenary terms like that 🤷‍♀️ If a grandparent has one child for a day and buys them a magazine and a small toy, do they have to go home and transfer all the other grandkids £10? Or is it more likely that at some point the other grandkids will get similar treatment and these things even out in the long term? (Talking about in value of experiences and time, not financially).

When you boil stuff down to transactional stuff like this is really kills the spirit of what was done in the first place and is, to use a MN favourite, grabby in the extreme. Taking all the grandkids for a day out is a generous thing and it's likely not an isolated occasion but is born of grandparents who are generous with their time for their grandchildren, so I imagine the kids who miss out this time will get their treat in the future without having to be bunged £20 to even some sort of imaginary scales. When you view stuff like this, it says a lot about what you actually place value on.

Sad,

What a strangely transactional relationship that sounds.

Of course not, YABU. The money was for the fair.

It's up to her but there was no obligation to give the ones who didn't go anything.
It was a day out for all the grandchildren, two couldn't go but that's not the grandmother's fault. The money was part of the day out.
Maybe she will treat the ones who couldn't go to a day out another time but it's ridiculous to say she should compensate them now by giving them money. Unless it's something she chooses to do

That sounds like something one of my children would ask. If they get so much as a sniff of a sibling having any amount spent on them, it’s noted and commented on! It’s enormously frustrating.

Swings and roundabouts, it all evens out in the end. I may not in that moment calculate how much more I have spent on that child and dish it out to the others, but all my children are treated fairly.

Unfortunately it just doesn’t work like that.

my own mother spends literally thousands £ a year on days out with ‘the other’ grandchildren, my brothers DC because they live closer. Mine get nothing.

They didn't come home with £20 though the money was to spend at the fair

What?! Of course she doesn't need to give the others money too. Totally bizarre

It was money for the fair.

God, I hate tally keeping. So mean spirited and depressing.

Children who didn’t go to the fair didn’t need spending money for the fair.

Would it make a difference if the grandparents spent £60 by handing it over directly to people at the fair rather than putting £20 in each child’s hand?

My dad would've disagreed ! He passed away last year at the age of 92... and he was a real stickler for all 4 grandchildren being treated the same . The poorly ones would definitely have got £20

@saraclara "How can it be a reverse when the OP hasn't said who she is in this story?"

Hmm. I would bet £20 for charity that I know!

no. entitled

I imagine it's the parents kicking off and they're so grabby it's unbelievable.