to honestley wonder, why have children if you WANT to work fulltime and are not prepared to make ANY sacrifices?

[milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk]

i don't mean parents that HAVE to work to provide.

i mean the ones that choose to for no other reason, other than they enjoy their job so much.
if you enjoy your job so much, thats great.
but what i really do not understand is why have children?
no one makes any of these parents have children, you can go though life without having children.

this is 100% genuine question, i just do not get it.

I agree with you Cat64.

Did the op ever dare to come back then? What a laff.

Fathers have children without having these questions thrown at them. I've had 5 chdilren over 23 years and like all full time working parents have spent countless lovely hours with them and I think brought them up pretty well with the right example. Women who are 24/7 at home damage their chidlren, set a bad example and really perhaps ought to be the ones being criticised for their own bad parenting by thinking they need to be there. They need re-education and putting back on the straight and narrow path of a proper adult life as a worker and contributor to society and good role model to their children. Go and burn that pinny today and get off the labour exchange. Housewives in 2008? It's disgusting.

Yay! Xenia is back from the island.

Message withdrawn

I am definitely not a housewife Xenia I have just chosen to spend a bit longer on maternity leave or I have chosen to keep the childcare inhouse instead of outsourcing it (for a few years at least.

"Women who are 24/7 at home damage their chidlren, set a bad example and really perhaps ought to be the ones being criticised for their own bad parenting by thinking they need to be there"

exactly what empirical evidence do you to back that one up xenia? outrageous! what about personal choice and all the evidence that is emerging to support the benefits of stay at home parents (mum or dad) on childrens emotional, psychological and intellectual development

Thank god! a post NOT arse kissing Xenia.

Xenia's post, while not all warm and fuzzy, is no more outrageous than the OP.

These arguments really are pretty futile when everyone just generalises.

There are bad SAHM - generally the ones who live their lives through their kids and project their life wishes onto them (And only ever talk about how wonderful, gifted etc their children are.)

There are bad WM's - those who leave all the caring to others at ALL times, even when they could do it themselves.

I think you can be a role model either way - so long as you genuinely have a healthy relationship with your children.

I don't think there are many of either of those around here...............but you never know !!

"while not all warm and fuzzy" has to be the ultimate in understatement. Love it.

Seriously, when does long term maternity leave become a career break become being a SAHM?

Thats the point I was trying to make, one woman wants to be a SAHM one wants to work full time, neither is wrong, neither damages children it's just a different way of life.

nkf - whenever YOU want it to be, I think of it as a extended career break some would say it's a SAHM, call it what you like.

I am Wondering opening poster why you care what other people choose to do - I do feel threads like these devalue mumsnet - sorry but I do - I assume it is tongue in cheek and that really you do have more fruitful things in your life to focus on.

yawn - another SAHM?WOHM thread, FFS

I do have a serious question though. I am a SAHM just now, but i am starting to realise i am not being fair on DP, we are struggling. I really dont want to go back to wrok, because i dont want to be away from DD. BUT i bet she would be fine, someone persuade me that this an OK thing to do?? please

LEM - why not try it out for 6 months? If it doesn't work you can give it up. 6 months won't havce done irrecuperable damage to anyone.

PMSL - Xenia do you jsut cut and paste your posts now, they all seem to say the same thing. I am not disgusting for wanting to care for my child, even though i might not have that luxery for much longer - i could say more, but then i would be accused of being personal. Your post has almost put me off going back to work tbh - i am not a post feminist clone, im a mother

LucyEM - really, most kids do really well in childcare. Mine both loved all teh childcare they have and have had. They are and always have been very happy.

chirstina, i dont think DD would be damaged if i go to work, just wondered how the little ones really cope with nursery etc. I love being a SAHM so would be a big sacrafice for me actually. I just wondered how people cope with only seeing their children for a few hours each day - xenai, you dont have to answer this, i am aware of your opinions.

You know that feeling of relief when you are dying for a wee you hold it in and hold it in and then that almost orgammic feeling when you reach the loo and release. Well that is how I felt waiting for Xenia to turn up on this thread

How do you cope? Personally, if things are well at home/nursery then I find I concentrate v well at work and forget about everything else. If things aren't that great, say I left the baby and she was out of sorts in the morning, then I ring up lots of times. But it's incredible how much stuff you get done in a few hours at work when you'd have just spent it on trivia at home.

I'm still torn to be honest, i dont think there is a right and wrong, so long as the childcare is good - its personal choice, or not choice for many - just wish i knew what to do for the best.

Mums who choose to stay at home and can afford it are very privledged that their DH's earn enough to support the family. But lucyellensmum , I wish I could have stayed at home for longer but as someone said earlier, under 8 months they are fine. It's now DD is 2 that it poses a problem. Go back to work and see how it works out, you may find a good life balance and the time dedicated to your DC is quality (she says typing on the computer while DD is pulling on her jumper)

PMSL@ use of the word 'pinny' in Xenia's post