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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to honestley wonder, why have children if you WANT to work fulltime and are not prepared to make ANY sacrifices?

1007 replies

milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 17/04/2008 15:48

i don't mean parents that HAVE to work to provide.

i mean the ones that choose to for no other reason, other than they enjoy their job so much.
if you enjoy your job so much, thats great.
but what i really do not understand is why have children?
no one makes any of these parents have children, you can go though life without having children.

this is 100% genuine question, i just do not get it.

OP posts:
tissy · 17/04/2008 15:57

I suppose I don't have to do the job I do; the job I'd been doing for 15 yrs before I even met dh and considered having kids. I could do a less skilled job, take home a quarter of what I do, and live in a small house, rather than a medium sized one. I could stop saving for my own retirement, so I don't have to call on the state to help me, I could stop saving for dd's university fees, and she could rely on an interest-free loan from the state. I could give up my car and get a bus to work....oh hang on, there isn't one.

What exactly is the point of your question? Are you implying that women shouldn't ever work, or that once working, they shouldn't ever have kids ?

Saturn74 · 17/04/2008 15:57

Thanks, Squonk.

MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 15:57
oiFoiF · 17/04/2008 15:58

what age children? I dont understand. Are you suggesting that both parents should not work full time until the youngest child is 18?

grouphug · 17/04/2008 15:59

milkgoddess I'm guessing you have had to go back to work and your not happy about it?

Pinkjenny · 17/04/2008 15:59
MascaraOHara · 17/04/2008 15:59

what a stupid fucking OP.

RosaDLuxe · 17/04/2008 16:00

I don't understand parents who both work long hours when their children are small. Why can't one stay at home, or alternate year on year who stays at home, or both work part time.

Maybe doing that would mean reducing the lifestyle, but really if you can afford to pay a nanny out of your income, you can afford to lose half of it!

alittleone2 · 17/04/2008 16:00

Message withdrawn

PrimulaVeris · 17/04/2008 16:00

My husband went back to work full-time after his children were only a few days old.

Should he be allowed to have had them? Why did he ever want them? Oh, how cruel and heartless

cmotdibbler · 17/04/2008 16:00

I love my son. I love my job. These aren't incompatible statements.
You don't have to have a parent with a child 24/7 to show them that they are loved, and tbh, the time in their lives that anyone loving with some milk and a clean nappy is when they are tiny.
And I'm with Binks MIL on this. I didn't 'choose to have a baby'. I chose to bring a person into the world.

beansmum · 17/04/2008 16:01

If it is ok to work if you have to then why isn't it ok to work if you want to? Surely it makes no difference to the child what reason their parents have for working. And if someone is happy and fulfilled they will be a better parent.

WideWebWitch · 17/04/2008 16:02

Oh, I know the answer to the OP!! I know, I know!! It's because working mothers

a) don't actually like their children at all and
b) are generally very bad parents indeed

do I get a prize?

nailpolish · 17/04/2008 16:02

i have to say i dont understand parents who put their baby into full time nursery 8am-6pm monday-friday when their baby is only 6 weeks old

its just my opinion and i got drunk one time and questioned my friend who had done that (AND left the baby at her mums on a saturday while she and her husband worked - so basically she and her dh only saw their child one day a week - but i lost that friend because i stuck my beak in

WideWebWitch · 17/04/2008 16:02

(I am joking btw although I think that's probably obvious)

Anna8888 · 17/04/2008 16:02
VacantlyPretty · 17/04/2008 16:02

Message withdrawn

MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 16:03

I don't understand people who make big sweeping judgements on other people's families. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. It astounds me. Grrrr

WideWebWitch · 17/04/2008 16:03
Anna8888 · 17/04/2008 16:05
MrsMattie · 17/04/2008 16:05
Page62 · 17/04/2008 16:05

fantastic

let's follow your logic

it is ok for a woman to have children if a) she doesn't have to work or b) if she is working only because her chidren will starve otherwise

but utterly selfish for a woman who wants to alleviate some of the financial pressure off her husband, provide a better future for her children, to have intellectual stimulation to have children?!? Do you think staying at home is the only way to be a good parent?

I grew up in a third world country, with not much money, with only the generosity of better off relatives that have put me through school. I worked hard, got a company to sponsor my masters degree here in London and paid off all my loans. Now, with a Master's degree in Finance and a lot of hard work, I find myself in a well paid job in the City. I marry a man who also works in the City, so no, we wouldn't starve if i quit work. BUT GOODNESS ME, we decide to have kids, we have 1, i return to work (shock horror), we have another 1 (double shock). You are essentially telling me that because i choose to work, i shouldn't also want to have children?

Now my DH was recently diagnosed with MS with the possibility in the future that he won't be able to work. But there is no need to completely fret, because if we find ourselves in that situation, I can FULLY SUPPORT our family -- and so whilst he worries about six million things about his health, at least he doesn't have to worry about that. SO in your clearly very judgemental eyes, is it ok for me to work now? Or for me to have children? Or is it the enjoyment bit? Should i only work either if we're on the breadline or if i hate it?

It may come as a shock to you, that some of who work full time, who love our jobs, may also love and enjoy our children. But if it makes you feel better to pretend we don't exist, be my guest.

cmotdibbler · 17/04/2008 16:06

Ooh yes, and why don't I just give up my job, wait a year, and oh. Theres no jobs to get. And I'm out of the loop on the technology innovations.

I went back to work when DS was 16 weeks because there was no one to do my work when I wasn't there. That simple. I could have taken longer off, but it would just have been harder when I did go back. Easy choice !

nailpolish · 17/04/2008 16:06

dear OP

maybe if you went to work you'd know how to spell 'honestly'

helloooooooooohello · 17/04/2008 16:07

Its personal preference innit. i chose to give up my job to look after my pre-school children. I will continue this until they start school and then I will look for a job, because I would like some earning power again and I don't want to sit filing my nails all day ...

ithankyou

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