Yes, I second this. Well done! You’re being so strong and you sound like a wonderful, caring mum. You’re only at the start of your comeback.
And YANBU. Having no money, even for basics, is shite - and very hard work. It makes me sad you’re having to struggle so much.
As a fellow lone parent, I suggest asking on local parent Facebook groups (though maybe set up a different Facebook account for security). Kids grow out of uniform, coats, shoes etc so quickly parents are usually keen to pass on stuff, including never-worn or nearly new things. We all prefer stuff we’ve bought to go to someone who can make use of it. Or maybe you could talk to the school about joining a few other mums to set up a uniform exchange to help others in a similar situation. Might be a good thing to put on a cv later.
You’ve prob already tried it, but Vinted can be a great place for bargains. Lots of people are buying pre-loved stuff now for environmental reasons, as well as to save money. So, there’s definitely no shame in it. I often get branded clothes for me and the kids second hand. Why pay full price? No one knows I bought it second-hand. I sell kids good condition Nike/Adidas trainers for about £2 a pair.
I work, so we’ve had holidays some years, usually v basic, e.g. camping. We’ve had lots of days out but they’ve always been free, apart from bus/train fares and the odd treat, e.g. a day at the beach with a packed lunch and fish & chips on the train home. Or a walk near a canal or river, taking a football for a kick about, again a packed lunch and treating them to an ice cream or fizzy drink in the pub garden. I’ve never taken mine to theme parks or on costly activities, other than for birthdays. Lots of walks in nice places, free museums etc wandering and exploring together. I look up walks online. But I know on benefits even travel costs and the odd treat can be too costly.
It sounds like you might be caught by the household benefit cap. It’s a nasty on-going ‘austerity’ measure that penalises many women and kids who’ve fled abuse, when they’ve had the bravery to leave should be supported to recover from trauma and get back on their feet, especially when a lone parent. I hope it gets scrapped. But in meantime might be worth getting some benefits and income maximisation advice.
I know when we have no money we look at all the things we can’t afford. But if it helps, what my DSs remember from their childhood are the memories we made, time together at home (like movie nights and making a gingerbread house), favourite walks, funny stories. They forget what clothes and toys they had, apart from the odd treasured thing. We stayed in a chalet in Cornwall one year, visited St Michael’s Mount, lots of beaches, fair rides etc. At the end of the holiday my DS said his favourite thing was when we played cards when it rained, because we’d had so much fun. It’s their time with you that matters far more than expensive things.