To hate it when men sit sideways on to you and watch

[amoreoamicizia]

This is happening now: I'm by the seaside, enjoying lunch on a bank holiday in the sun. The seating's a bench set up. I'm away from the the main groups of people, enjoying the view, when a man comes and sits sideways on to me so he's watching me eat! I loathe it when people do this. Just sit facing forward, you weirdos! You're watching me eat at close quarters and ruining my lunch! And since I noticed this behaviour I've also noticed that it's always men that do it. AIBU to say sit facing forwards, strange random men!

I find this on the train. You sit in a secluded 2-seater. Carriage is empty. Man walks in and chooses the 2-seater across the aisle and then sits/manspreads across both seats so he spends the entire journey looking at you.

I would, and often do, say “I was just enjoying some much needed solitude”. Also say “yes, actually” when people ask do I mind if they join me. Most people aren’t bothered and sit somewhere else.

It is ALWAYS men who do this.
I think for two reasons.

They either get pleasure from making us uncomfortable (I have seen men actually say they enjoy this)

OR

They are so arrogant that they assume we will want to chat/flirt/be friends with them amd can't imagine any other outcome.

I guess I've never been beautiful enough to have strange men watch me eat or man spread around me.

Turn to face him and keep eating without breaking eye contact. Growl occasionally. He'll move.

AgnesX · Today 12:56
I guess I've never been beautiful enough to have strange men watch me eat or man spread around me.”

I find in cafes it’s usually women who say “mind if I join you?”. I always say yes.

I'm no oil painting.

I don't actually think it's a deliberate thing. I think they just don't realise how they impact women at all.

Absolutely do this.

It really isn’t about being beautiful, @AgnesX. It’s that they believe a woman cannot be complete, even for a second, without the presence of a man. You’re not allowed to take up any space without them.

Remember when they used to approach two or more women sitting together in a pub and ask What are you doing sitting all alone?

BeachRide · Today 12:57
Turn to face him and keep eating without breaking eye contact. Growl occasionally. He'll move.

🤣 Excellent

Women don't have to be "beautiful" for men to subject them to a power trip.

I wouldn't face him, but would very clearly and obviously move my seat to have my back to him.

Except that apparently I can't read! Sit sideways to face away from him then, although given that it's a bench, I now really like the 'face him and stare' suggestion.

It definitely can be a deliberate thing. When I was in my 20s I was, objectively (I can see this now looking back) very nice looking.

I used the train a lot travelling between home and uni. I don’t think I ever ever travelled without some random (usually older) man choosing to sit by me and try to engage me in conversation. Similar in cafes, restaurants etc. the watching while you eat was definitely a thing.

I am 57 now, 3 stone heavier and perfectly ordinary looking. One of the main blessings of getting older is escaping the male gaze.

I was sat in the window seat of Cafe Nero last week with two very elderly people that I was taking out for the day (I'm making the point that I was the only youngish woman on our table). Three men in their 50s sat on the table outside our window, one spotted me, made an obvious comment about my breasts to the others, then all three turned their chairs around to face our table (instead of the street/view of town) and spent the rest of the time openly ogling me, pointing, laughing etc. It was like they were watching a private lapdance or porn rather than a person just having a coffee and chat in peace. They might as well have openly had a group wank to be honest. It was horrible.

We couldn't move tables as the people I was with have mobility issues and there were no other tables for more than two. So I just had to try and block it out. But they wanted to make me feel uncomfortable so were trying to get my attention and loving that they could see me getting down about it.

It was really upsetting. Creeps. It was absolutely deliberate in their case. I told a friend about it and she'd experienced the same thing in a coffee shop in her town.

You definitely need to growl as well, maybe let out a hiss as well if he moves any closer 😂

I should have said this was lighthearted 😁
Anyway, glad to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. Once you've noticed it you can't unnotice it and it drives you bonkers! 🤪

Oh, so sorry @PerkyMintDeer 😔

I had this happen on a train in a foreign country while on holiday. The train was quite full so at first I didn’t think much of his actions. It started with him standing directly in front of me, constantly adjusting his trousers by lifting up his belt. Then when a seat opened up next to me, he sat down. With all of the trouser twitching I was a little weirded out but again, it’s a busy train and he’s probably not concerning himself with me whatsoever.

Nope, he definitely was. As soon as he sits down, he starts clearing his throat, making little noises, and it’s quite obvious he is trying to get my attention. I had assumed he was a local, but he appeared more like a business man who was either travelling for work, or worked there from abroad. I tried very hard to completely ignore him but it was extremely awkward as he was pressed up against me on the crowded train. My feet were exhausted from walking all day multiple days in a row, so I wasn’t about to get out of my seat to avoid him, and have to stand the rest of the journey.

I've left the seaside lunch early! Just finished eating and left.

if it had been me I would have gone out and challenged them....but I am old and nasty.

Well, I just felt very self conscious and vulnerable. And blamed myself because I was wearing one of my tops that was designed to be easy for breastfeeding but hadn't realised some arsehole men would see the "easy access" as being for them.

Well no I don't remember, I've never had it happen.

I have a feeling these men would have loved it if she had done that. More attention for them.

It's because his BALLS BE TOO BIG, OP. None of the rest of us will ever understand what that's like.