To hate it when men sit sideways on to you and watch

[amoreoamicizia]

This is happening now: I'm by the seaside, enjoying lunch on a bank holiday in the sun. The seating's a bench set up. I'm away from the the main groups of people, enjoying the view, when a man comes and sits sideways on to me so he's watching me eat! I loathe it when people do this. Just sit facing forward, you weirdos! You're watching me eat at close quarters and ruining my lunch! And since I noticed this behaviour I've also noticed that it's always men that do it. AIBU to say sit facing forwards, strange random men!

Be careful when you say things like 'I've never been beautiful enough for this to happen to me', I'm sure you don't mean to, but it does heap some of the blame to the victim in the story, for being so beautiful. They caused it some how because of their beauty. Instead you should say 'I've never been unfortunate enough to have this happen to me'. Misogyny can happen to any woman if the wrong man is around. I'm not having a go at anyone in particular.

God I hate this. If you can bear it, stare fixedly at their crotch. They can't stand it - particularly effective on the Tube.

That is tremendous @BigTubOfLard I think I love you 😂well done 21 year old you. I wish I'd done that when the same thing happened to me.

It can be chivalrous.

I don't get what you mean, did he straddle the bench you were sitting on ?

Almost except he laid out one of his legs along the bench towards me.

I ❤you

Never happened to me either. Not sure if I should be perturbed or relieved.

I can see you've left but I'd go with being slightly gross. Eat with your mouth open or have a chat with someone on the phone about your veruccas, how they're taking over the whole sole of your foot, one dropped off recently etc.

How does someone “use their height” to hover over someone? Do you mean they’re taller than the women/girls and they don’t bend at the knee so that they’re on the same level?

Im not convinced spreading your things out on a desk is particularly controlling either.

I know there are plenty of problems with teenage boys but picking at things like this and declaring misogyny isn’t exactly helpful.

I always have my laptop on trains and it's very tempted to type up an email with large font explaining how the man next to me smells and invading my space.

Another pedantic MN’er I see. I am not sure how telling me my experience of working with teenage boys is inaccurate but hey ho? I am stating how the behaviour of some adult men starts when they are boys. I have taught thousands of them and the examples I gave are from boys who lack respect for girls and women. This thread is all about men imposing themselves onto women and making them feel uncomfortable. I gave examples of how this starts much younger than adulthood. You’re allowed to disagree but I think I’m pretty qualified to have an opinion on it.

This and eat with your mouth open too and make gross chewing noises.

Yes I get it. My now ex stands too close to women and looms over them. It feels threatening.

@LovelyBitOfHam I would trust @Combattingthemoaners 's judgment as an experienced secondary school teacher over yours. Your approach is to make her doubt her own judgment, which is a form of gaslighting. I am sick of women not being believed and being told it is all in their heads. She was there, many times, she knows what is innocent and what is covertly menacing but just at the level of plausible deniability. You know how bullies work right?

If you are a woman, you should be ashamed of employing the same tactics as misogynists.

This. ^ Ignore the pedants and minimisers trying to tell you you're 'wrong.' I get you.

Bloody hell. What is it with these men? Talk about not taking no for an answer. Male over- entitlement at it's very finest. And I totally agree with you about hating being watched while I'm eating. I don't even like friends or family watching me! I have a male friend who is lovely in nearly every way,but I will not eat in his company unless he is eating too. He makes me feel really on edge the way he watches my hand/fork/spoon going from the plate to my mouth,as if it's the most fascinating thing he's ever seen! I know he probably doesn't even realise that he's doing it,and I'm sure if I said something he'd be mortified!

😂Or belch, snort, cough with your mouth open and be as disgusting as possible!

I have found that headphones and burying my nose in a book doesn't work on the most persistent specimens.

I agree, if you’re tall or rather taller than someone, it’s not very helpful to say they’re using their height.I mean really, should a taller person crouch down to make the other person feel more comfortable.

I am short and well used to many people being taller than me. There is a qualitative difference between someone using their height to intimidate or make me feel uncomfortable and someone who is just tall.

It feels uncomfortable when they get too close to the side, behind or even face-to-face when you are talking, so I have to tilt my head back to look up at them.

In my interactions with male colleagues or my son who are generally much taller than me, they would stand further back when talking to me or we would sit down so that the height difference is not so stark. If a tall person does not do that, that is intimidating.

I am not shy to change the situation but a teenage girl may not have that confidence or there may be more than one boy doing it to her. This is what @Combattingthemoaners has probably observed in her secondary school.

Using their height means actively using the height advantage to intimidate. Standing over me/peering down/covering doors/blocking corridors. Lots and lots of people are taller than me, I am 5’4. I know the difference between someone being taller and someone using their height to intimidate me or others.

It’s not about being right or wrong, it’s understanding not everyone is going to agree with your opinion, regardless of being a school teacher.To say someone is using their height, insinuating, to gain control, isn’t helpful.

Also, can I add to the above by saying these are boys I teach. I see them every day and interact with every day. I hear their opinions and see how they treat girls who are their peers and female staff. I’m not sure why I’m being told my experience is mere hysteria.