Mad to consider IVF in these circumstances?

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My little boy is the light of my life and we love him so very much. I've got a wonderful husband, son and a generally lovely life, but I'm yearning for more children so badly it's all I can think about. It was very difficult conceiving our son (took years, both DH and me fertility issues, but worked naturally eventually). I've always been afraid of IVF but have been considering it lately. However I've got a pituitary adenoma and been told with injecting hormones there's a chance it can grow and bleed into the brain (although chance is not big). It would also seriously diminish our savings to do IVF, but I'd love to give my child a sibling. My DH says to count our blessings and move on but I find it so hard - at the same time I wonder if it's good big of a risk! I need to make a decision soon as I'm 37 this year and can't think of anything else.

yabu- count your blessings and don't take the risk
Yanbu- you'll regret it if you don't go for IVF and at least try

It's very likely you'd have to do more than one round if you did do it. Although possibly not the egg growing/ harvesting bit.

You'd need your DH onside too.

I do empathise as we found it hard to conceive dc2.

Do you have information on what your fertility issues were?

I would count my blessings and move on (all my DC have disabilities - I look at live a bit differently). Looks like you have a healthy DC and have a lovely life. Look at what you have esp with the associated health risks.

I've lost one for last year from a brain bleed and have one who just had an 8 hour operation to save her life. Please don't risk it. The damage to my friend isn't as bad as it could have been but you can see her eye has dropped. We as friends don't care as she had 20÷ chance of survival and she still here for her family, friends and dd.

I'd get your AMH tested to see if it's a realistic option anyway. Unless you would be ok to use donor eggs?

Also IVF in itself is pretty straightforward and not to be afraid of. I appreciate there are extra risks with your condition, and the emotional stess too.

So you'd be risking your health and possibly your life having another child, over and above the risks of natural pregnancy and childbirth? Yes count your blessings and leave well alone

Thanks for your reply! I only ovulate spontaneously but the big problem is my husband's sperm motility and morphology (although it miraculously worked for our one child we have!) that's it, I'm terrified of having to do like 3 rounds of IVF , plus I have a friend who got seriously ill after IVF, though of course we can't know for sure that the illness was caused by it. I hope you got your second baby in the end ❤️

My DH says to count our blessings and move on
Unless you are both fully committed to attempting IVF this is not a consideration to make.

I think you should think of what’s in the best interests of the child that you have.
which means having you around for them

Natural cycle ivf ? No drugs needed - if you ovulate then they can just collect that one egg. If you’re ok with non injectables you could do a mild stimulation cycle (letrozole ?) and the same just harvest 1-2 eggs but it depends what medications you would react to.
Alternatively would a donor egg be something you would consider ?

I'm so sorry, that sounds really tough. Sending you lots of love. Yes I am erring on the side of caution really - I just feel sometimes lots of people make you feel bad for having one child "and no-one to play with" etc. I must find a way of not letting that get to me so much!

How long have you been trying? Would ICSI be a better option?
ivf was fine for me I actually enjoyed it but I wasn’t working at the time and was able to rest and I liked taking control of it all. I didn’t have the health problems that are concerning you though.

Sending you a hug and thank you for your reply!

I kind of felt a relief reading your reply, as this is what I am thinking and I think I might just have needed it spelt out like this!

Your son needs a mother more than another sibling, don’t risk it

Count your blessings and move on. You have a wonderful family, don't risk your health chasing after something that may not happen and could be full of risk.

Coming up to 3 years now and yes sorry, absolutely, we'd need to do icsi. It's great that you didn't suffer whilst doing IVF, that's amazing to hear! Most people I know found it very hard so nice to get a different perspective

Thank you! I thought about this but that option seems even more expensive (£8k for one go including drugs etc) I cannot spend this money unfortunately

Would you have increased risks being pregnant as well? If yes, then just don’t try to conceive.

Otherwise you could consider donor embryos & avoid the hormones & male factor issues.

' there's a chance it can grow and bleed into the brain (although chance is not big ) '

what % of chance ?

how would that affect your life if that happened

how would it affect your child's life if that happened

is there a chance you could leave your child motherless

We did, thanks! But it was quite straightforward. I think I'd lean towards prioritising your health... you can't put a price on that. And without wanting to sound rude, if £8k is too much then don't start down the IVF road as you'll feel pressured to keep going.

I think whatever you decide, you'll feel glad for having made the decision and concentrate on that path.

For my first pregnancy I was under consultant care and closely monitored (in case the tumour grew) and it was fine, however with injecting growth hormones in larger quantities, there's a bigger risk of the tumour responding to this and growing. The donor route is not something I'd consider but thanks for the suggestion

Normally I like to give balanced advice and I really do sympathise with your desire for another child. But your question is whether you would be mad to consider and my reaction was 100% yes you would be! To me it would just be unthinkable and really selfish to risk your health in that way. And then there's the financial impact and emotional impact of going through it all again if it wasn't straightforward (which it sounds like it might not me). Plus the fact that your husband isn't on board means there's a significant risk it would strain your relationship.

If I were you I'd put it out of my mind as a choice I am making having considered all the pros and cons. And then try and count your blessings - there are some wonderful things about having an only child and try and lean into those.

What about adopting?
Personally I wouldn't risk my life and health for a second child when I could adopt or foster.

I've just read your update - it sounds like you couldn't afford more than one round of IVF. In which case even more reason to put it out of your mind as significant likelihood it wouldn't work after 1. In which case you've opened the door in your mind and spend money needlessly.

But tbh for me your health issues are the determining factor which should make you think absolutely not. Just imagine if something went wrong - I think you might find that very difficult to live with.