Mad to consider IVF in these circumstances?

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My little boy is the light of my life and we love him so very much. I've got a wonderful husband, son and a generally lovely life, but I'm yearning for more children so badly it's all I can think about. It was very difficult conceiving our son (took years, both DH and me fertility issues, but worked naturally eventually). I've always been afraid of IVF but have been considering it lately. However I've got a pituitary adenoma and been told with injecting hormones there's a chance it can grow and bleed into the brain (although chance is not big). It would also seriously diminish our savings to do IVF, but I'd love to give my child a sibling. My DH says to count our blessings and move on but I find it so hard - at the same time I wonder if it's good big of a risk! I need to make a decision soon as I'm 37 this year and can't think of anything else.

yabu- count your blessings and don't take the risk
Yanbu- you'll regret it if you don't go for IVF and at least try

Oh my, sorry to hear that! I hope you are okay now, and your friend recovers well. ❤️

Thanks, all good now but really made me value what I've got.

I would have done ANYTHING to have my baby. Literally.

But it's different when you have one already, I believe.

Your son needs a mother more than a sibling. Yes you’d be mad to do it. I personally wouldn’t do IVF once I had a child, I don’t think it’s fair to put them through the emotional stress and time commitment of their parents having IVF. Appreciate what you have

I have 2 teenagers who get on very well by everyone's account. Yet the oldest stated on more than one occasion over the years that if he was to have a child he will only ever have one. I don't know where he got this attitude from. I wouldn't let other people's opinion on your existing child need for a playmate sway your decision. Also, if you end up in hospital because of your pregnancy/baby your firstborn will in all likelihood blame the sibling (even though it wouldn't be anything to do with the sibling's decision)

This is brutal but 100% true. With your health issues, I wouldn’t risk it.

anyone who tries to guilt you about having an only child - ignore them, or say the above to them! That’ll shut them up

I’m sure you’ve looked into this, but is IVF your only option for fertility treatment? Would it be worth trying some IUIs?

Fwiw I did 4 rounds of IVF and in the general scheme of things, it’s not that much of a big deal. The rounds are quite intensive in terms of appointments and the hormones made me a bit… hormonal, but I think most of the “difficulty” is the emotional rollercoaster, not the treatment itself.

and you also have a pituitary adenoma?

Thanks for your reply! It sounded to me that IUI has quite a low success rate and due to my husband's swimmers poor motility we'd need ICSI.

I come from a large family; noisy, busy Christmas etc. and I only have one DS so I was worried that he wouldn't experience that so I completely get your worries.

However, my DS loves being an only child. He's 16 now, confident with who he is, comfortable with his own company but has good friends too He says he has always loved that at birthdays, Christmas etc. that he could enjoy his toys. He's had plenty of experience with friends younger siblings so has learned to be patient and kind.

We made a huge effort early on with playdate and bringing friends along for days out. Nowadays DS loves nothing more than grabbing a takeaway and watching box sets with us.

There's no guarantee that siblings will get along anyway. I'm no contact with two of my siblings after disgraceful behaviour over the years on their part and the one sibling I did get along with, died.

Please find peace with having one child. Protect your health and be there for your precious DS. Sending you much love.

You do realise that not all siblings get on?

ICSI is the same process apart from the end bit AFTER all the drugs have been given. We had standard IVF until the day of egg retrieval and then had ICSI to fertilise the eggs.

I really feel for you OP, but don’t risk it. I’ve been a widowed parent for the past 8 years and I’m exhausted and so lonely.

I'm going to be honest. My childhood was mostly just 10 years of my parents doing IVF "for me".

I didn't get to have a childhood. I wasn't bothered about a sibling. Everything revolved around the IVF. It didn't work and I'm an only child, and I felt as though the most important thing was IVF and another baby. I had a crap childhood.

We had no money, no holidays, and I didn't get much input from my parents. I was mostly sent to stay with grandparents while this was all going on. I'm still having counselling in my late 40s.

Thanks for your reply! I always thought exactly the same as you, and really I still do. I think I over thought the topic so much over the last few years, I really need to stop. Now to just figure out how to best go about it!

Thanks so much for your honest reply..I'm so sorry you had to go through this all, it sounds horrible and has really hit home! Sending you a big hug.

I'm so sorry, and wishing you a lot of strength going forward. Sending you a big hug!

if you already have a child it’s even more complicated to adopt. It’s very different to having your own baby, as lm sure you know.

Thank you so much for your kind reply. Lots of love to you!

I think adoption is a wonderful thing to do but I've got a friend who adopted and the process was very difficult to say the least, it's not for me sadly

I also have one child and long to have more. I do sympathise with you as I would be very upset if I couldn’t have more. But personally I couldn’t do it if there was a significant risk to my health. My son needs his mother and my first priority will always be him over hypothetical children that don’t yet exist. It’s your decision to make and no judgement either way but personally I wouldn’t take the risk.

Wishing you all the best for your family and thanks for your reply. I lean the same way but I'm more thinking about if my son misses out without a sibling or if I'll regret it later in my life for not "trying harder" , iyswim. But reading all the replies and also deep down I know really that I cannot take the risk! My existing family is the most important thing in the world to me!

Personally I wouldn’t risk it, but I wouldn’t judge you for pressing ahead with trying for another child. It’s a very personal decision!

What you might find helpful is some counselling. Someone who is empathic and trained, who can help you consider all the different scenarios. Having a positive vision of life as a small family, and the beginnings of a plan will be helpful.

Don’t risk it OP, stay healthy for this baby

Thank you so much, yes I agree counselling is something I will look into!

Have you considered adoption?