Mad to consider IVF in these circumstances?

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My little boy is the light of my life and we love him so very much. I've got a wonderful husband, son and a generally lovely life, but I'm yearning for more children so badly it's all I can think about. It was very difficult conceiving our son (took years, both DH and me fertility issues, but worked naturally eventually). I've always been afraid of IVF but have been considering it lately. However I've got a pituitary adenoma and been told with injecting hormones there's a chance it can grow and bleed into the brain (although chance is not big). It would also seriously diminish our savings to do IVF, but I'd love to give my child a sibling. My DH says to count our blessings and move on but I find it so hard - at the same time I wonder if it's good big of a risk! I need to make a decision soon as I'm 37 this year and can't think of anything else.

yabu- count your blessings and don't take the risk
Yanbu- you'll regret it if you don't go for IVF and at least try

Are you sure a clinic would actually agree to do IVF for you? They have to consider the health risks and ethics. I'm sorry this sounds like an obvious no. The potential impact in your existing family and you sound awful. I am a bit biased though as I did IVF that didn't work and had some complications that made me thoroughly miserable at the time.

At my IVF clinic they offered scans to track natural ovulation and then they would artificially deposit a bunch of cleaned up sperm at the right time. They used this method often for women trying to conceive whose husbands were working remote jobs

I had a much less significant risk to my health from IVF than yours, and as we sat in the appointment with the consultant explaining it, DH just looked at me and said ‘no way.’ He wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives, regardless, and risking me wasn’t worth it for a child who didn’t yet and might never exist. We went on to get pregnant four times and all miscarried, but we have been together happily for 25 years with no children, and hopefully many more years to come.

Be happy with your little miracle and the health you have currently. There’s never any guarantee that siblings will get on so let him find friends, give him lots of opportunities and enjoy your life as a threesome.

I work in Adoption and fostering please consider this as we have more children than adopters at present.
Please dont risk your health x

We tried for 10 years (double infertility) did mini IVF in Europe (far cheaper and we got a baby and holiday for £3k). We only got 1 embryo and it worked first time.

It was easy, low level hormones (I had breast cancer 5 years into trying, so had that in mind) and zero side effects... only regret is not doing it sooner.

To not protect your health so you can look after the child you already have would be immensely selfish.

Thank you, I might do xx

Thanks all! I should probably elaborate as some have asked about finances....

We're comfortable but not loaded, have a good amount of savings, but the thing is I feel I cannot realistically spend more than 10k on IVF when I could spend that money for my son, if that makes sense at all? Also the thought if something went wrong, if my health deteriorated, and if that would impact my existing family, fills me with dread. Then I'm thinking though what if it works first time and then my son would have a sibling? I somehow need to get off this thought carousel!
In regards to how likely the tumour is to cause problems - these kinds of adenomas can always spontaneity grow, the risk is not huge, but there have been cases of rapid growth in women who were doing IVF. If it does bleed into the brain then that's an emergency that requires immediate surgery. Gosh typing this out I think I should probably not risk it😞

IVF is really expensive, we had to go down that route for dc1 and 2 and because it was complicated and took years plus required surgeries that had to be done privately we ended up spending just over £150k

Wow oh my goodness I had no idea it can amount to that!! Congratulations on your family:) x

The child you have needs a healthy mother, they do not need a sibling. I'm an only child and I've had a brilliant life. Be happy with what you have and be present for the here and now.

I contemplated having two children ( my husband wanted another- I was happy with the lovely one we have)
I asked only children as adults and the amount who said “ I was as happy being an only” was huge.
Lots of adults don’t have anything to do with their siblings anyway.
Count your blessings with the healthy child you have🙂

It was complicated by the surgeries but all the ‘extras’ over multiple cycles added up - ICSI, ERA testing, scratches, embryoscope, embryoglue, genetic testing of embryos etc etc ! It really spirals once you start if it doesn’t work each cycle you add more and try more

I would consider adoption in your circumstances given the risk. So many children need loving homes and you wouldn't have to risk your health to have another baby

Thanks for your reply, it's made me so so happy reading this! Glad that you never missed anything.

I have one 9 year older sister and whilst we get on great now, I have 0 memories of us together as children, I really loved all the quality time with my parents and never longed for a sibling closer in age or anything. I think what has made me worried so much is that a lot of people seem to comment that only children will be lonely etc and I let that get to me way too much. So thank you for your reply.

Thanks for your kind reply. Yes, I agree, I've got so much to be thankful for with the family I have ❤️

You currently have a lovely life. Worst case scenario here is that you leave two children without a mother and a husband (who you would have had to talk into this) with a newborn baby, another young child, and bereaved. Enjoy what you have OP, it’s very precious.

I am in a similar situation in that I have been told I need IVF for anymore children but I have health issues which mean that the medication needed could make me very unwell. We've decided it's not something we want to pursue. As much as id love more children I couldn't forgive myself if I left the one I have without a mum or ended up needing an organ transplant (a potential complication for me) . I'm focusing on making lots of friends for him, being the hosting house, having cousins over etc. it's hard at the moment as all our friends are having their second so its a making me feel down. But ultimately I feel really lucky to have 1 healthy happy child as I was warned I might not have managed that.

Big hugs - it's tough when it absorbs all your thoughts!

Current situation: one much loved, healthy child, a happy marriage and a good lifestyle.

Potential situation: you are dead or disabled, you spend a fortune on IVF which isn't even successful, your marriage deteriorates because of the huge stress and expense incurred and your DH didn't even want another baby in the first place. Your existing child suffers because of the stress and lack of finances and the constant rows between you and your DH.

Which would you choose OP?

I grew up as an only child and had a fantastic childhood! I didn’t wish for a sibling as my parents facilitated lots of play dates with friends, and out of school hobbies. I’m sure your son will be ok OP as an only child, best to not risk your health x

This answer sums it up perfectly

@ginasevern thank you, I think I needed to read this - so true and definitely not something I can risk!!

Honestly I couldn't take a risk like that when I had an existing child. It wouldn't be fair to the child.

Thanks so much for your kind reply..yes- I try this as well, lots of friends and play dates and we've been on a holiday with his cousin this year as well! Sending you a big hug as well and all the best for your lovely family!

IVF put me in intensive care (long story) and my friend has just survived brain tumour surgery.

I KNOW the yearning for another, believe me. But you'd be mad to risk what you have.