To go pick brother up? Released from prison

[Mrsgrapesauce]

Brother has a history of heroin abuse last 10 years unfortunately. He was caught shoplifting 6 months ago and went to jail. He has done so well there managed to gain weight and had a job whilst there and was receiving support.

He has gone back to my mums now where all of his temptations are. Speaking with him he sound so clear headed and wants to change but doesn’t have the support.

I have 2 weeks off work now where I feel I can fully commit and support him. I plan to take him away for a week with mum just so I let him see another side of life. Planning on setting him up with a passport and finding a job to keep him busy.

DH thinks im wasting my time but I really feel I can do it. I lost my other brother due to a drug addiction and I don’t want to lose him.

www.england.nhs.uk/commissioning/health-just/reconnect/

This service is available for most prisoners and can help with methadone and other scripts. You can refer him or he can self refer for up to 28 days post release for support. A lit of the staff are ex offenders themselves so know what it is like to be released.

Leaving prison is a dangerous time for addicts. I thi k if you can support you should. FYI prisons let out early in the morning so be prepared to be there by 8am.

Its more about what he is going to do for himself. I mention this because you talk about getting him a passport/taking him on holiday/getting him a job in your post. He can't be the passive subject of his own rehabilitation.

If he has been clean for the six months he spent in prison (?) he will no longer be physically addicted; so he is ready to look for work, and then his own accommodation.

You can only be an enabler you can't do the work that he needs to do for himself.

He is saying the right things, but people in his situation always do. I would set a limit on how long you will be putting a roof over his head for, and make this conditional on getting work of some kind and not using.

I'm so sorry. He was badly failed by the sound of it.

How lovely, everyone needs love and support at this time and most don’t have it. Try and link him with local recovery services and NA or SMART

I would say support him to a level - but don’t let this impact your marriage and your young children. They are the priority - as selfish as that may sound.

Well I think it’s a great thing to do. Your DH wouldn’t be saying that if it was his sibling and he had already lost one. You can only try

He might. Plenty do.

He's not an ex- or recovered addict if he's dependent upon Methadone. He's an active addict that is being prescribed a poor alternative (in the view of the people who use it) to stave off the worst of withdrawals in the hope that he won't go straight to another dealer. He'll always be able to find one wherever he is, and the crimes he committed are still 'him'. He wasn't helpless, he found a way that was acceptable to him to get what he wanted. Many addicts will turn up absolutely pinned and say 'Oh, it's my medication, why are you having a go at me?' when it's not. See also wearing sunglasses and nicking anything that's not nailed down, including somebody else's medication, kids' toys, assorted cash or household goods, not just for smack but for anything they want, as that's something they know how to do. There's also the risk of substituting with alcohol.

Different members of your family can be priorities at different times.

Try this one last time.

He will need to be on a script and when he starts it’s daily pick up and supervised by pharmacist . He has to see the prescriber regularly as they will tritate ip the dose

Though I'll say quite frankly that I have no experience with addiction I can see your DH's point

Give it a go by all means, but for pity's sake be clear in your own mind as to what your boundaries are so that it doesn't turn into everythiing being solved if you "just" do this or "just" do that, and all at a potential cost to your own family

Hopefully he has been linked ip to the local service . He may have been on script in prison . He needs to see a service urgently to discuss his support . And OP , please seek advice from the services and not here . People mean well but there is a very clear process around scripts . Here are services that will support him . If he is using they will do harm reduction . But they are the experts in this and many have used themselves and are in long term recovery .

An amazing sister. 👏

I would do the same if it was my brother.

He needs a bridging script. Bank hols are awful for trying to get an appt with a substance misuse service for this

What is your brother doing to help himself? What has changed?

I'd give him a shot.

It always surprises me when they put so much effort into getting addicts clean, they thrive.......then they let the poor fuckers go back to their old areas where the cycle starts again. A fresh start somewhere new is exactly what him and the rest of them need.

Addicts need to be surrounded with all the friend, family and community support they can get.
People do get clean and become survivors with repeated and consistent support. It can take several/many attempts so you need to be strong and resilient.
Just don't be harsh on yourselves if it doesn't work out.
Good luck

I'm sure you'll get a lot of response to this thread.
I'm a (fairly new - 1 year) addictions social worker.
People are right you can't stop someone's addictions, but that doesn't mean you can't try and support them. The main thing I would focus on in your position is boundaries. Remember where your brothers responsibilities start and other people's end. A lot of people with addiction struggle with responsibility (not because their lazy or wrong, but addiction is a way to escape things you cannot manage - or take responsibility for things you shouldn't be, so you drink/use in order to cope).

Seeing a nice side of life isn't everything. The hard work is the hard work.

If he has never done rehab before or worked with services, helping him to get into services (If he wants this and will make it easy) is a good idea. Being a stable base is a good idea. There are funding sources for rehab etc and he could access this if he wants to (do Not even consider private rehab. Far too expensive, they want money not necessarily what's right for your person, NO guarantee of results).

Being too involved= actively a bad idea, people do much more harm to themselves and others when they are protected from the harm by people being overly involved.

Sorry I didn't read the whole thread but felt my perspective might help. There are also services for people who live with others addictions - al Anon, or whatever is local to you, it is worth seeking support for yourself and encouraging your mum to do the same.

This sounds like good ideas but try and make him "drive" these. If everything happens around him, nothing has changed and he will feel a passenger in his own life. It's more dignified but slower to do these things with him...even if it means ringing and asking him if it's okay for you to do it, getting him to pick the gp etc. he is probably more capable than he thinks, as he had a "job" in prison...If he doesn't want to drive any changes, you can't help by only doing it for him. I know you're trying your best but don't wear yourself out. You can't fully save or fully harm other people.

I would also say more than just treating him to some time together, support him to plug into a recovery community. Offer to drive him to an NA meeting or go to one with him if you find an open meeting. See if you can connect him to outpatient sobriety support. Help him to find a voluntary role or work (that isn’t just going to be with a bunch of lads snorting their wages up their noses). But he absolutely needs to do this stuff for himself. Prison takes control away. He needs to take control back over his life and grow into it. Addicts aren’t served by being surrounded by codependent enablers and you don’t want to become one of those, even if you think you’re trying to be helpful.

Just wanted to say good luck to you and your brother.I really hope he can pull through.I think it's lovely you are trying to help.

You are a 💎, he couldn't ask for better sister. Do what your heart tells you.

His drug service should be able to do it for you on a week day, it's not normally too difficult but they'll need his key worker to talk to the pharmacy etc (unfortunately drug users are prone to lying about their doses so has to be multiple source verified). I got in a lot of trouble as a v junior Dr taking the pts word for it that they were on methadone and prescribed it, they weren't on it all and drug team were v unhappy

Best of luck xx

I think you are doing the right thing, as others has said he may stay clean, he may relapse - ultimately you can't control that but you can show him you love and respect him. I suspect DH is (misguidedly) trying to protect you.

I worked with recovering heroin users many years ago and saw first hand how the stigma and name calling impacted on their self worth. No one is a lost cause, no one deserves to be written off.

Look after yourself and manage your expectations but do what you need to do for yourself and your brother - this is your decision. Your brother is lucky to have you x