To go pick brother up? Released from prison

[Mrsgrapesauce]

Brother has a history of heroin abuse last 10 years unfortunately. He was caught shoplifting 6 months ago and went to jail. He has done so well there managed to gain weight and had a job whilst there and was receiving support.

He has gone back to my mums now where all of his temptations are. Speaking with him he sound so clear headed and wants to change but doesn’t have the support.

I have 2 weeks off work now where I feel I can fully commit and support him. I plan to take him away for a week with mum just so I let him see another side of life. Planning on setting him up with a passport and finding a job to keep him busy.

DH thinks im wasting my time but I really feel I can do it. I lost my other brother due to a drug addiction and I don’t want to lose him.

He needs therapy, a goal and someone to walk him through this. Very hard. But he needs to want to stop

Is he open to going to something like CA or NA for support meetings? And doing the 12 steps. Did they offer anything like this in prison, I know some do.
I think what you want to do is lovely. And as others have said, for yourself you have to know you've tried.
Good luck with it all xxx

Does he have an appointment with a drug recovery service set up?

We have 3 young kids. DH thinks I’m wasting time and money and thinks I should be spending time with the kids before they go back to school.

But i never have this kind of time help him so it’s come at a perfect time.

I think this is what you need to tell your DH.

Im guessing your DH has probably seen you/MIL very distressed by his actions and wants to protect you.

Its natural to want to protect the people you love, but if you didn't try & DB went off the rails you'd feel like shit & your DH should acknowledge that.

Maybe put some boundaries in place? A timescale/cost, behaviours that won't be tolerated, no lending money, whether he can be around your kids etc. and maybe DH will be more accepting?

You could look up NA meetings and other recovery support or outreach groups for prisoners in your areas while you're at it. You can't single-handedly rescue him. But it's nice of you to give him some care and comfort and encouragement.

It might work, it might not, but he’s got more chance of succeeding if he sees how much you care about him.

I think that spending this time with him and your mum will never be a waste of time whatever happens after that OP.

It might work, hopefully he wants it enough. If it doesn't then at least you will always know you tried your best.

You will have other times with your children and hopefully enough money to get by for a few weeks. There may never be another window of hope and opportunity with your brother. You are doing something wonderful that might end up being life changing for him. It might not, but the downsides of trying are far less than the downsides of not trying.

If you are able to and want to then why not? As others have said it may work it may not but least you know you've done all you possibly can.

I'm sorry for you loss and I hope your brother is able to turn his life around addiction is a horrible thing

Thanks everyone I really appreciate it. He hasn’t had proper support before. Mum and dad don’t really understand it all.

If anyone has any information around transferring methadone scripts I would appreciate it some advice.

He has left my mums house now and travelling to my dads im just worried he has stopped of somewhere.

I can see your husbands point of view as well, as your young children are your priority not a grown man. But I also see your point of view and you are not only supporting your brother but your mum as well.

Just remember you shouldn't be putting in more work on your brothers sobriety than your brother, don't spend any money that allows him to have extra money that he could be tempted to spend on drugs. Your brother is capable of getting a passport himself, you could help him by sitting with him while he fills out the form but you don't need to pay for it if he has any cash. He can look up NA meetings, sure you can drive him there if he doesn't drive but he should be the one being proactive in locating them.

Are you booking somewhere for as soon as he gets out? Be very careful with your expectations OP, I can see your heart is in the right place but just remember you can control or change him, just support x

You can only try, ignore DH 💐

Equally, if the plan fails and he goes back to using, you must "forgive" yourself (although in reality you will have nothing to be forgiven).
Don't start thinking "If only I'd tried harder, had a better plan... it must be my fault."
It will not be your fault. You must remember this.

The methadone script is the reason I asked about an appointment with drug services on release. The prison should have arranged this and it will be helpful if you can accompany him to the appointment to ensure that he attends. I'm surprised drug intervention services aren't collecting him on release. I worked in drug intervention and offender management for years.

I'm afraid he may well have stopped off somewhere to score. If prisoners aren't closely supervised on release before attending their community drug team appointments it's unfortunately what they do.

I’d try but I’d also protect myself. I’ve also lost a brother to drug use and his behaviour (when he was using) was awful.

Just to add another point someone made about sense of purpose.

I work in leisure and we've started wellness programmes with gp referrals of which for your brother could be made through addiction and mental illness, which will give him access to free gym membership over 12 weeks to get him on his feet and start to create new weekly habits away from THE Habit.

Highly suggest you look in your area through a GP of what he can receive.

It would be a wonderful thing to do with no expectations in your own mind. People can move on from addiction, they need to want to and support makes all the difference.

Are you saying that your brother is coming to live with you for 2 weeks?

Thank you for being a good sister - you are not wasting your time. Your brothers time in prison I think shows that he seems to do well with structure. I think having a job long term would help give him that structure and keep him busy, help with self esteem, sense of purpose etc. Can you encourage him to find some sort of regular employment - anything even if low paid- it gets him out the house which is good for mental health, socialisation with colleagues, a bit of money etc.

I hope you can get him some professional help, and with your support, he can turn his life around.

You sound like a lovely sister. All you can do is try. If it works then you've helped him turn his life around. If it doesn't, then you know you've done all you can. People in recovery absolutely need support and if he has the determination, your support could help him keep some willpower. Wishing you both well in this. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a positive outcome x

I think it's a wonderful thing to do for your brother and also great for your children to know their mother helped their uncle even if it doesn't work out it's no bad thing to try. Think it's cruel of your husband to not support you even if he doesn't agree, he should still back you cause if you on your husband's advice cancelled and didn't help your brother it would probably be something that would impact your relationship anyway

My plan is to go away tomorrow until Thursday. Mum is going to rent an Airbnb near me for a few weeks. I will register him with a gp and drug rehab service. Need to order his passport and find some part time work for him. Mum is happy to put her flat up for rent and move nearer me.