To go pick brother up? Released from prison

[Mrsgrapesauce]

Brother has a history of heroin abuse last 10 years unfortunately. He was caught shoplifting 6 months ago and went to jail. He has done so well there managed to gain weight and had a job whilst there and was receiving support.

He has gone back to my mums now where all of his temptations are. Speaking with him he sound so clear headed and wants to change but doesn’t have the support.

I have 2 weeks off work now where I feel I can fully commit and support him. I plan to take him away for a week with mum just so I let him see another side of life. Planning on setting him up with a passport and finding a job to keep him busy.

DH thinks im wasting my time but I really feel I can do it. I lost my other brother due to a drug addiction and I don’t want to lose him.

Good for you, OP. All the best.

I don't think that's fair on the DH, maybe he's just trying to protect his family. Drug addiction is horrendous and the affect to the wider family is awful. I was your dh in this situation and it really affected our relationship. Ex dh was blinded by trying to help and and at times prioritized his sibling at the detriment to our children, and I had to become the bad guy which caused conflict and lots of blame.

Is NA for him - narcotics anonymous- he can link into that too. Great you’re helping to support him but I’m sure you know ultimately it’s down to him. You cannot fix him - I hope it works out for you all. ❤️🌺

Bless you, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother 💐 I think it's totally understandable that you want to give your brother the best chance of staying in recovery and it's great that he has you and your mum. DH is probably worried about you being disappointed and upset if your brother were to relapse. Tell him that you realise it's a realistic possibility but that you want to give him this chance and you hope that your DH will support you. Wishing you all the best OP

Wishing your family all the very best. You sound like a great sister and it’s really heartening that your mum will put her flat up for rent to help your brother out even if she doesn’t quite get it all.

Please look at this charity, my friend set it up, he's a former addict and now advises the government. It's possible to turn his life around and this would be a good place to start

https://towardsrecovery.org/

Give your bother a chance, your idea is a marvellous thing. Give him a chance, obviously don't devote your whole life to saving him, but give him a chance. You are thinking right.

Sounds like you have a plan. I only have experience of living with an alcohol addict but my word of warning is don’t ‘manage’ your brother too much. He needs choice and tho too much might be overwhelming not enough causes rebellion, kick back ime.
Good luck. Your brother has am amazing sister and I hope it goes well for you both.

Do find out the local drug and alcohol service . Various charities run them and offer support . Is he on a heroin substitute ? Could be methadone but there are others . That will help .

https://adfam.org.uk/other-support-services/

CGL or Via are charities that are commissioned to work with people. They do the prescribing and have doctors and nurses and recovery workers .
they also work with people leaving prison .
has he been linked before to a service ?

https://www.changegrowlive.org
https://www.changegrowlive.org/local-support/find-a-service

https://www.changegrowlive.org/advice-info/family-friends

https://www.viaorg.uk

leaving prison is high risk if he uses as his tolerance will be lower .

so that’s why these services have teams that work with people leaving prison .

I work in this area . He needs to be linked to a service and they have special criminal justice teams that work with someone on leaving prison .
he should have been referred .

You can’t do this alone and there is support for him and families .

I’m with your DH, on this one. Help but keep limits on time and energy. If you have young kids, bringing your brother in close contact with your dcs will desensitise your children to harms of drug use. I would protect my family at all costs but children come before adult addicts.

Sounds lovely OP, but I'd be very VERY cautious about going abroad. Especially because if there is any chance he may relapse, drug laws in other countries or going across borders can be very severe. What about a lovely AirBnB in a different part of the country to you? So eg. Cornwall / Devon if you are in the North or Scotland if you are in the South etc. Good luck - it's a very kind thing you are doing and wishing your brother all the best.

So am I.

Don't think she meant abroad as he doesn't have a passport and she said near her.

OP was talking about ordering a passport though? Apologies if I misunderstood!

OP I understand your husband's reservations. He is probably worried about u being disappointed yet again, however I totally understand you wanting to do this for your brother. I.am sending u all my very best wishes.

I agree wholeheartedly. I also think you are a great, kind sister, op, and truly hope it all works out for your brother. If it doesn't, at least you will have tried.

I'm wishing you both (and your mother), all the very best.

Honestly all your plans, your mum renting out her property, moving to an air bnb , living with 3 small children and a husband and wife. Going on trips etc.., they sound like huge pressure and expectations on a heroin addict! I'd be surprised if you get as far as the trip away tomorrow. I hope it all works out but it's a hell of a lot going on. Is there no rehab, support houses he can live in ? I'd be worried about heroin around the children if something goes wrong.

As long as you only give what you can afford to lose, financially, practically and emotionally then it is your choice, not DHs.
I have been there and done that. And I don't regret it.

He will need permission from probation to go out of the country. Don't book anything until you have spoken to them.

He's a lucky man to have a sister like you fighting this with him. I wish you all so much luck.

This is what happened to my son. Released Friday morning with weekend looming and no support. He overdosed and died that day.

Please have a thorough discussion with your husband about limits and boundaries. He will understand you wanting to help but will be worried about the impact on you and your children.

You should discuss boundaries regarding time, money, house visits etc

@Freysimo

"This is what happened to my son. Released Friday morning with weekend looming and no support. He overdosed and died that day."

Very sorry for your loss

If you call a pharmacy local to where you are staying and check with them that they do do scripts, then ask whoever is prescribing to send his prescription there. I have done it and it was relatively easy.