To ask why you have just one child?

[WeWillRockEwe]

I am asking for some traffic. No judgement. If you have one child - how come you didn’t have more?

Btw before I have to edit - I can imagine many reasons why people might have one child only but I’m here today to ask people rather than guess/assume ❤️

I desperately wanted another one and still do however it just wasn't meant to be for us (our child is 11). We tried (and tried!) for several years but the trying took its toll on us and took our marriage to the absolute brink of divorce so we chose to save our marriage over a second baby that may never happen.

I still think about it every day, and wish I had another but I'm slowly making peace with it, it breaks my heart when my child says they wish they had a sibling and I couldn't give them one.
It feels like I'm mourning the child I'll never have 😞

My sibling and I always fought and my home life never felt calm. When I've seen friends with two they are always arguing and I don't think I could handle that stress. It's also always been clear to me that everyone I know has a favourite child, I think that's really damaging. I was not the favourite child and I never wanted my child to feel that way. One is perfect and despite some hormonal urges for another baby early on I am very happy with our family of three.

Ages Was 41 when I had DD (met DH later in life). Tried for second until I was 45. Never happened. Is ok. One is fine. More time, less expenses

I used to be strongly child free by choice and only warmed to the idea of having a child when I realised that having "just" one was an option. I will summarise my reasons in more detail though:

I) I have never been a fan of small babies and toddlers, and while I love my DS, parenting gets more enjoyable the older he gets.

2. DH and I really wouldn't like a relationship where one of us had to downgrade or scale back their career to deal with childcare. We have no extended family support, so an additional child wouldn't be feasible without one of us going part-time.

3. With just one child, DH and I both get some downtime to go for a run etc. while the other one of us is with our DS.

4. We really like where we live and it's a lovely place for DS to grow up. We would have to move to a less desirable/interesting area if we had another kid because houses are very expensive here.

5. I like being able to give my DS my full attention and take him to activities that are appropriate for his age group.

6. I don't want DS to be stuck at home with us in his 20s when he should be enjoying his freedom and independence. With just one child, we'll be in a better position to help out with his future university and housing costs.

7. I had horrendous PGP with my pregnancy, and wasn't able to properly run or do strenuous activities until two years after my child's birth. I am not going through that a second time.

I am interested to see how this thread goes though. MN threads about one child families usually get hijacked at some point by adult only children who will want one and done parents feel like a monsters for their choice, or by certain parents of multiples who seem to take it bizarrely personally that other people might have different preferences for family size.

So far, it's been refreshing to see pages of what the thread was intended to be about.

I am interested to see how this thread goes though. MN threads about one child families usually get hijacked at some point by adult only children who will want one and done parents feel like a monsters for their choice, or by certain parents of multiples who seem to take it bizarrely personally that other people might have different preferences for family size.

I agree that this thread has been refreshing in that it hasn’t been hijacked by the usual only child stereotypes. However I am slightly suspicious of the OP’s motivations in starting it, and hope that people who have shared personal details of their lives don’t see them reproduced in a Sun or Mail article.

I was 26 when I had DD...I never felt the urge or desire to have anymore, so , for me at least, no matter how young or old I was, one was enough for me.

Pregnancy has been horrific. A second pregnancy will statically have the same complications I am having now.

Pregnancy is costing me my body, health, mental health and career.

So I am about to have my one and only.

Hopefully I get to rebuild my life at some point.

I feel exactly the same.
I can't wait until DS is tall enough to come round all the rides at Alton Towers with DH and me, or we're visiting unis, or helping him paint his bathroom in his first house. I really struggled with the baby group years and wheeling a (sleeping) toddler around a zoo.

How many 26 year olds have the patience to be excellent parents, have solid careers, own property to accommodate a family and earn enough cash to pay to cover childcare costs? Not many I would imagine. I categorically would not have wanted to become a parent without my infrastructure in place, I would regard that as foolish. You can hire a 26 year old to run around after your child, if you really lack the energy, but you can’t magic up security - that takes time and planning.

Just wanted to say I found your post very thoughtful and honest. I also suspected the thread would be hijacked and have loved reading peoples opinions. My husband is an only child and says he absolutely loved it, his parents both had busy careers.

@bookworm14 perhaps, but in some ways that might be a good thing, personal details aside.
There are still far too many stereotypes around only children. Then again I wouldn't trust anything the Sun writes.

I was 35 when pregnant, overweight. I suffered from horrendous sickness most of the pregnancy, I was 10kg lighter when I gave birth than when I got pregnant.

I had horrendous SPD to the point I was in agonizing pain every day and could barely walk. I couldn't wait to get the baby out. I had to start Mat Leave 2 months before due date. My Consultant advised against any further pregnancy as he said the SPD would come back earlier and worse in any subsequent pregnancies.

I had an inducement, had back to back agonizing labour, epidural stopped working so went from feeling nothing to full on contractions on a drip, the midwife was a bitch with no compassion whatsoever.

I would not put myself through any of that ever again.

Then XH left when DD was 4 so it was off the table anyway, even if I had wanted to, but I never wanted to go through any of it ever again.

Took years to get him so we weren't in the first flush of youth.
He was the easiest baby and we couldn't face the prospect of one that wasn't. We didn't think we'd get that lucky twice.

Always wanted 2 but it took nearly 2 years of trying before we had DS. Had some complications in pregnancy, anaemia, gestational diabetes, hip pain. Had high blood pressure after giving birth which was a bit frightening. DS was a terrible sleeper and at 3 still won’t sleep through. Plus I’m 40 this year. We made the decision to stick with one as I don’t know if I’d manage going through another pregnancy and the newborn stage with DS. He’s a delight and is full of energy and mischief enough for 2 kids. We love him so much and it is all starting to get easier so we are happy we’ve now decided not to have another

Because I had no desire to have any more, it's that simple.

I was never maternal and always said I wouldn't have children. I found my childhood very tough and didn’t want to put someone else through that experience. Then got unexpectedly pregnant 😢

I only wanted one. A girl. I got what I wanted. Job done. I have neither the time, energy or finances for any more. Also I don't know how you pick your favourite when you have multiple kids! People try to assure me it's not an issue...but I know!
If people are rude enough to ask/comment I simply say "we got it right first time!" I also remind my daughter to be careful as "we don't have a back up plan"!
I honestly don't see the point in having more than one - women who do seem absolutely frazzled! Know your limits, is what I say. Have one, have none, have six but know what you can cope with.

Same. I think alot is expected of women and expecting them to have more kids than they want is stupid. I say if you want me to have more you pay for them and do the weekends.

To add to mine, i feel i'm a better mum to 1,i think i would have been too stretched with anymore. I love her more than words can say and love we can give her so much, more than i had as a child.
She's sociable so has lots of friends and never struggles to make a friend on holiday.
I also fought like crazy with my brother as children and aren't close now and didn't want to risk that for her, my mum was always stressed breaking up arguments.
I'm so so sorry to all of you who have struggled to be where you are and i hope things have/do improve

Because I only wanted one.

Traumatic birth
My age
Cost
Why rock the boat

My husband already has a child from a previous marriage and we have one together. He says that's enough for him and I agreed as I had a really rough pregnancy. Now my little girl is here I wish he would change his mind because I just love her and I want to duplicate her into another little cute bundle.

I also remind my daughter to be careful as "we don't have a back up plan"! woah don't put that on her even in jest!