To ask why you have just one child?

[WeWillRockEwe]

I am asking for some traffic. No judgement. If you have one child - how come you didn’t have more?

Btw before I have to edit - I can imagine many reasons why people might have one child only but I’m here today to ask people rather than guess/assume ❤️

Expense / child care
DS was very difficult baby didn't sleep through until age 10
I couldn't cope with him and I struggled a lot
DS nearly 15 now and autistic and life still hard. No way could I cope with another!

I could try to sum it up something like this - age, timing, partner choice.

we met later in life therefore our ‘window’ was shorter than most, although I consider myself very fortunate that I got pregnant quite quickly and all was well there.

we then had a lot of changes with jobs/relocations and the time when we might have ‘gone for another’ we just had overwhelm and quite a bit of stress anyway.

if I’d have had a different husband - as in someone who REALLY wanted and second and where a second baby wouldn’t be another stressy thing. My husband has many wonderful traits but our relationship isn’t always “easy” and we do well with our little family of three.

when we were really discussing if the door was closed for us it was the post toddler stage and everything was just getting easier.

then other things which we now consider ‘bonuses’ to having one child and make us reflect in a positive away about it include - more resources/choices for the one we have, we worried about having a child with disabilities, especially given our own advancing years.

we longed to have a second child for 6 years but after 5 miscarriages I've accepted we are a family of three. I am nearing 41. Fortunate enough to earn very well and we live a nice relaxing life. I can't complain but I do have moments when I think... maybe another miracle will happen to us!

Fertility issues. I would’ve adored another baby after having IVF success first time round with DD but unfortunately it just wasn’t meant to be.

I was gutted at the time but now I am very glad that DD (now 20) is an only child. I simply just couldn’t afford another and to this day have no idea how anybody manages multiples teens, they’re so expensive! She has had a much more privileged upbringing than I ever had, which I am extremely grateful to have been able to give her. With another child in the mix this wouldn’t have been possible.

Why does it matter? Families come in all shapes and sizes for all sorts of reasons. MN seems to be obsessed with lone children - it is getting on my tits to put it bluntly.

I didn't even try for a second. I was told it was highly unlikely I'd ever get pregnant. So dc was a welcome surprise.

Yet many of us have posted because we want our stories heard. Whether that be actually I had hoped for more but xyz or I'm not bothered only ever wanted one.

I understand that and respect people’s right to do so but why are there so many posts about this topic? It’s like it’s a taboo to dare to have “only” one child.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

I was a teenage single parent , I had pre eclampsia and by the time I met my now OH there would have been a large age gap . There is 10 years between me and my sibling and we were never close . We have the space and income to have more children now however they are hard work ! And I sacrificed a lot over the years . I want to enjoy nice holidays and peace and not be elbow deep in dirty nappies again !

Oh I see. I've not seen any others but I haven't really looked. I don't think it's taboo at all but perhaps if I saw more threads I might be like.. hmm..

I had an easy birth and pregnancy and my son was over 8 lb so big ish. For the first 5 months, if he was awake he was screaming and /or crying. It was so bad that if I went to visit a friend who lived on the second floor of a small block of flats she knew we'd arrived because she could hear him way before we reached her flat.

Regular doctors appointments found no reason for the crying. At 5 months someone lent me a baby walker. It was like a switch, he loved it. It appears he just wanted to be active. He walked at 9 months , proper solid walking. Unfortunately he didn't sleep through until he was 3 1/2, years old and when I say didn't sleep through I don't mean woke once or twice I mean 8 or 9 times a night.
The thought of going through that again with another child filled me with horror. People said oh the next one will be different. I couldn't take the risk
. Fast forward 24 years later and my grandson was a carbon copy. I was however able to support my son through out by having my grandson overnight etc. I should say now I'm amazing with very fretful screaming babies because they aren't mine and I know I'm going to be handling them back at some point. Friends will hand over a baby who is screaming apologising and I'm very calm and completely unstressed about it , NOW!

We didn't want another, she was enough for us and completed our lives.

My husband and I met later in life and were lucky to have one. We did keep trying afterwards for a second but it never happened. Tbh sometimes I think we are happier with just one anyway. The dynamic growing up with my sibling was awful and I didn't want that with my children.

I didn't want more.

We don’t feel the need to have more than one.
I had HG.
I had a traumatic birth.
We have a wonderful charmed life, and are able to give her a fantastic upbringing.

What kind of article is it you’re writing)

This was me before DS2 was born - and I held that view through the various difficulties we had. I would still have felt very lucky and blessed if we had only had one. I did want to keep trying and it worked out for me - but I never lost sight of how lucky I was to have one child.

Partner became abusive the day my baby was born.

I’ve come across quite a lot in recent weeks. I have one child and it is insulting to have to explain why that is. Sometimes it is for really sensitive reasons, as you can see on this thread. Do women who have two or three or four children have to do the same thing? I highly doubt it.

Why do you ask?

We always assumed we'd have more than one, but I had endometriosis. This went into remission during my pregnancy but came back with a bang post-natal. The pain was unbearable and the only thing that brought it under control was hormonal contraception. I was already 35 when I had DS, so pretty soon it was my 40th, on a Mirena coil by then but still with occasional breakthrough pain.

We just told ourselves the age-gap would be too big, I might not get pregnant anyway, the risk of going full-on endo was off-putting - and accepted that DS would be our one and only.

Missed miscarriage, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, unsupportive GP, undiagnosed prenatal depression, horrendous birth with forceps that has caused long term problems, birth trauma, postnatal depression, had to have op due to birth damage, COVID hitting during the baby years so we had no family support, baby that wouldn’t sleep until they were over 2 (not even naps), anxiety and depression stemming from the whole experience. Was also told that if I had a second, HG was likely and the damage done by the first birth would get worse. Also lost trust in medical professionals.

She is the best thing that has ever happened to us and we love her so much, but I have never been the same since her birth.

Can’t have more

Some women say they have one child but they really have two; their MIL child being their second.