To ask why you have just one child?

[WeWillRockEwe]

I am asking for some traffic. No judgement. If you have one child - how come you didn’t have more?

Btw before I have to edit - I can imagine many reasons why people might have one child only but I’m here today to ask people rather than guess/assume ❤️

Money. I’d have had 2 or 3 by choice but couldn’t afford a bigger house or any more maternity leave.

Complications during and after the birth of my daughter have left me infertile. Still heartbroken.

Me too - went into early menopause so was unable to have any more but am so grateful to have my dd.

Never wanted a big family. My husband had two older children so that was a big thing but he would have definitely had more if I had wanted another.

I was an only child so maybe that factors in? I wanted to be able to do everything I wanted with my son and not have the worries of a big family

Not fully sure we won’t try for anymore yet, but at 38 we’re pushing our luck. DS is 5, so it would already be a big age gap.

I had a rare pregnancy related illness, so was already tired when DS was born. Dreadful forceps birth, blood loss, long hospital stay, breastfeeding failure, PND, a breakdown, nearly broke our marriage, DS was a bad sleeper, DH wasn’t much help, not much family support, £45k on nursery fees, can’t really afford a bigger house, need to put money in to house and pensions as bought and started saving late, neither of us are especially patient or good with sleep deprivation.

We really shouldn’t push our luck and do it again. It took me 3.5 years for my mental health to just about return to normal. My friends would say I’ve never been the same. They’re right.

I can't say never I suppose, because our boy is only 11 weeks old, but he didn't arrive until I was already 40 and while we can just afford one child (in terms of childcare and a big enough place to live) where we live now, we'd have to move to somewhere much cheaper and away from family and friends support to afford two, and that's if we can find decent jobs when we get there. We don't have the time luxury of waiting until DS is at school and childcare costs have eased.

It makes me quite sad already that he'll be an only (because I am and I'd rather have siblings) but I remind myself daily that we're lucky to have him, and it's our job to give him a good life and equip him with the skills to make good friends and hopefully one day be a good partner to someone.

Prefer dogs.

Honestly though, I have a stepdaughter who lives with us full time so we do have two. We can afford two, can manage childcare properly, give them both individual time, save for their future without strain.
Also I'm from a larger family so I didn't want my kids to be emotionally neglected.
Honestly I would have loved one more, but it would have stretched us. I'm so grateful for DS and DSD (most days-she is a teen!)

Rescued another dog instead!

Both me and my husband are from relatively large families, and hated it. We are not close with any of our numerous siblings now. So we were in agreement that one was the right number for us, and we love having a little family.

Bad pregnancy, bad birth, bad baby/toddler years. By the time I got over it all and started feeling pangs , it was quite a big age gap(8/9 years) and couldn't afford anyway. So just spent a couple of years feeling broody and cranky (EVERYONE had babies around that time) and now I'm ok with just having DD.

We didn’t meet until later in life. Then it took us so long to have our first that I was pretty old by the time they arrived. So we decided not to take from their babyhood by putting ourselves through the wringer again in what would likely be a futile exercise and to enjoy our one and only.

Multiple miscarriages, maternal age.

We would have loved many but our wonderful som was a gift from God after many years of struggling and eventually IVF. Now at 40, I can’t imagine going through it again - I’m blessed 🥹. Original plan was 3.

Good point and noted, just in case another pops up in the 'end of summer' sale.which I believe is imminent.

We were lucky last year to get a retractable hose at less than half price as the nozzle was missng.

Mid 20s, probably just having one (expecting in a couple of months).

• Expenses - childcare is extortionate, a second maternity leave would be very expensive
• Resources - we can give more in money, time, availability & care to one child and if I was spread more thinly than that I imagine I would feel very stressed
• House size
• I’ve had an anxious pregnancy as she’s our rainbow baby, and don’t want to go through it again if I will be equally anxious as it wouldn’t be fair on DD, DH or me.

DH and I were always set on 2. We have now decided to stick with 1 for several reasons

1. kids are expensive. Childcare is expensive. At the moment we can give our daughter everything she needs, nice Christmas and birthday presents, activities. A second would make this impossible
2. giving birth seriously traumatised me. I’m not doing it again
3. I developed tenosynovitis after having our baby that even 2.5 years later is making doing even simple tasks very painful, and the hobbies I love have had to stop. I’m not risking aggregating it even more.
4. now toddler is 2, we have our lives together. We have time in the evening to relax together after dd goes to bed, we get a full nights sleep most nights. I’m not going back to no sleep and no time to spend as a couple
5. military family - I solo parent over 50% of the year and I really struggle, as does toddler who is always crying for daddy when he’s away. A second would make this much harder (I know there’s plenty of mums solo parenting all the the time and honestly you mums are superheroes).

A multitude of reasons: birth trauma, a high needs baby/toddler who didn't read any of the manuals, health risks for pregnancy coinciding with the unknowns of Covid. I also got a great work opportunity that means we can afford to send our DC to a small, nurturing independent school, which is the right thing for him (?ND). It took me a while to get my head around it but so far feel relieved we made the right decisions.

Secondary infertility. Would love another one but I am so unbelievably grateful for my dc. Our house is chaotic enough at times, yet it’s so peaceful compared to my sisters house and she only has 2! I would love 2 children ideally but I do appreciate the simplicity of having one.

relationship breakup and miscarriages. If you know the many reasons, why are you asking? odd thread!

1. We can give one child a better quality of life than we could give two (or more!) We can run a smaller house so smaller mortgage and bills. We can also afford more luxuries in life and more opportunities for our child.
2. Family generosity in terms of childcare while we work will run out with just one child which would mean I'd have to stop working if we had another. Once you consider the health implications of working with my disability AND the financial impact (ie spending an entire wage on childcare) working would just not be the sensible choice. I'm also not stay at home mum material.
3. My disability isn't coping well with the challenges of toddlerhood so I don't want to do it again. We actually have a super easy first child (especially as an infant) but are very aware we may not get a chilled out second born which would bring extra challenges.
4. Given my disabilities and the impact these have on family life, I don't think it's fair to dilute the attention our child gets further with siblings.
5. Most importantly, on balance, not having more children is the best thing for the child we already have.

I’m hopefully a few weeks away from having our first and likely only.

• it’s taken 2 years and multiple miscarriages to find out I have a blood-related issue and I’m not sure I could go through it all again
• nursery fees would be over £3000 and we’re not bazillionaires
• I’m older. If we had conceived when we originally started (on month one, so smug at the time) we’d have probably had 2.

Early menopause

Awful labour and birth, PPD and realisation that husband was a complete bellend (now ex husband).

10 years and IVF to get just one. Did a half-hearted IVF attempt for a second with a spare frozen embryo but it didn’t work and we weren’t bothered at all anyway. Really happy with my one! He’s not bothered about having a sibling either. Plenty of mates and likes his solo time too. So it worked out great for us!

Older mum anyway, difficult family and in laws (sibling relations poor on both sides), live abroad with no support network.

Would have had kids earlier but developed a thyroid problem...