To ask why you have just one child?

[WeWillRockEwe]

I am asking for some traffic. No judgement. If you have one child - how come you didn’t have more?

Btw before I have to edit - I can imagine many reasons why people might have one child only but I’m here today to ask people rather than guess/assume ❤️

Housing, we can only afford a 2 bedroom house. Which we love. So part of it is that we don't want to move, the other part is that we just can't. I know people manage but we didn't think we could cope.

Then we got to a point we were considering it and then I fell very ill and almost died. My condition has taken me 3 years to get under control, but I rely on medication which is not compatible with pregnancy. So I would need to risk becoming incredibly sick to have a healthy pregnancy. DH is terrified he will be basically raising a baby alone whilst I get back on track to recover. I can't say i blame him.

I have one child who I love the bones of. I frequently tell them I struck perfection on my first try, so why try again? It's true to a point. But I never met a man I wanted another child with, and as a single parent, never had finances that would allow it anyway.

My only regret now I'm old, is that my single child alone carries the burden of my age and infirmity.

but I still think the life I was able to give them, financially and attention wise, was worth it for them.

I'll never know if I was right, and neither will my child. That's life, full of decisions and we can never look back and say if we made the right of wrong ones. We just made those decisions made on the facts we had at the time.

I was brought up in a large family and I was surplus to requirement. I was another girl when they were only trying again to have a boy!!!
I wanted my child to know that they were just what I wanted, perfect in every way.
We did however adopt when our first was an adult because we had empty nest syndrome.

Difficult pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy after, DH has two other children, I don’t have any family help and working full time. I’ve been broody the last year and would have happily had another but DH is done

I was 41 and DH was 46 when DD born (no fertility issues,we met quite late decided even later to try). We would’ve needed to have 2 close together and financially couldn’t afford it but also emotionally felt we were bloody lucky to have had one. There’s no-one missing here, I have no longing for another.

We also have zero family help (DH’s are dead and mine aren’t local or capable).

We actually had a pregnancy scare after DD and I cried bad tears which confirmed it.

Few reasons. Main one is I had her very young (as in teenage young) and wasn't ready to have another when I was still a teenager to keep their ages close.

When I started to feel like it might be a possibility she was already 10 and it just seemed like too much of an age gap, plus I hated pregnancy and early motherhood and didn't really have any desire to repeat it. We were enjoying having an older more independent child! I've never been broody or particularly maternal so I didn't honestly want another and neither did husband, so it wasn't a hard decision!

(I also grew up with six siblings which might have had some impact on my choice 🙃)

I'm 33 now and content with my decision. A few people have asked if I'll have more now I'm more settled in life, the answer is still absolutely fucking not. I love my daughter, I love our family, but I am definitely one and done.

Firstly for environmental reasons.

Secondly because it was so bloody hard because no sleep at all and DC, DH and I all had zero chill. Pretty sure I had significant PND and DH has PTSD.

I had one, planning for one but thinking “we can always have another if we fancy” and now it’s literally my worst nightmare. It would significantly change our lifestyle on so many levels.

Always thought I’d have 2 children but I split up with my son’s dad just after his first birthday. My partner now wasn’t keen on having a child and was happy taking on my son “as his own”. As I already had a child this wasn’t a dealbreaker for me so that was that.

I sometimes wonder what life would have been like with a second child but my son is happy and content and we are more financially secure as a result.

Whilst I love my child, I found the whole thing fucking tedious, brain-numbing, smothering, and don't want to go through all that again.

Preeclampsia and a traumatic birth put me off trying for another for a while. Then I miscarried early in a couple of pregnancies, then hit perimenopausal so it became too late. DD always wanted a sibling but it never happened.

Because I can't be arsed to have more

I found PP really rough. I don’t think I could do it again

Had DS when I was 41
tried for another didn’t happen and then after a couple of year just decided to enjoy our life and family as is.
as grandparents are older we don’t get any family help other than maybe the odd night of babysitting maybe once every couple of months.

Thank you all for sharing. As a previous poster said, this thread has proved so incredibly moving and fascinating. I can’t think of a thread where I’ve read every last word of each post so attentively. Sending much love to those who have experienced loss and trauma.

Horrible pregnancy, horrible labour, PND, no family help, felt totally overwhelmed for a long time and child was very testing as a pre schooler.

Just knew in my bones I couldnt do it all again!

Traumatic birth followed by crippling PND.

Ah, well at least you are satisfied it was unavoidable.

The situation with hrt and a baby must have been v tough.

We used £20k of savings to fund my mat leave. Childcare was hugely expensive. I am
the main earner by a huge margin and although financially it would’ve made sense for me to go back early I needed the full
year (actually 13.5 months with leave). Even then I hated going back. Turns out I’m the full on extended breastfeeding earth mother type despite not being sure I wanted any in the first place.

Obviously now there’s funded hours far sooner but that’s too late for 46 year old me (and 51 year old DH). We just didn’t have another £20k for the mat leave and £12k annually for nursery. End of.

Never had the urge to have another

Love my DC more than I ever thought possible, but struggled with parenting (and still do) and no desire to repeat any of the stages

Have had some mental health struggles and worry another DC would send me over the edge. Feel like I can be a good mum to one child. Don’t want to take the gamble of having another & potentially becoming a worse mum

Not sure marriage would survive another DC

Don't want to roll the dice again - count my blessings I have one healthy child

Thankfully DH feels the same

Nearly died after emergency section. Took a while to get over it mentally and physically so was late thirties by this point. Happy with 1, he is everything to me.

Hyperemesis in pregnancy. I was hospitalised a lot and we've decided that wouldn't be fair on the child we do have

A couple of missed miscarriages before baby came added to the decision

I've only ever wanted one for lots of reasons:

I remember bickering constantly with my siblings when I was younger and my mum being permanently stressed out.

My DC is absolutely perfect, I love him so much and I want him to have all my love and attention.

I can't imagine how stressful it must be to deal with a small child and pregnancy / a baby at the same time.

I have loved every stage since my DC was born but as soon as he moves into a new one, I love that stage more. I can't imagine going back and starting again.

We have more financial freedom.

As soon as he arrived I felt that my family was complete.

I'm sure there are more but those are the ones that I can immediately think of.

I lost my second (ectopic) and never got pregnant again despite desperately trying. It broke my heart tbh and I still feel sad about it. But my son is my world.

I would have loved more but know that I'm privileged to have one. I didn't think it would be possible at all.