Dh went to the toilet whilst Dd was in the paddling pool

[Pleaseenterausernameok]

I didn’t feel well the other day so went upstairs for a lie down when Dh got back from
work. Dd was asking to go in the pool-large blow up one, deep enough for me to sit in and move around, deep enough for Dd to swim. I said I wasn’t feeling well and was going to go for a lie down when daddy was back and she could go in then with him (he sometimes goes in or with him sat outside watching obviously)
I went upstairs, heard her in the pool chatting away to Dh. After a bit I realised I couldn’t hear her (she’s very chatty) but didn’t think much of it, a while later I heard her calling to Dh and him calling back from the downstairs loo.
Dh had gone to the toilet and left her, when he went to the toilet it wasn’t for a quick wee, but number two and for those he can be in there for up to an hour, no joke.
Aibu to think this is completely irresponsible to leave her in the pool unattended?

So what did he say when you confronted him?

Agree.

I grew up around water and swim like a fish, and am quite laid back.

But in general no one should be in water alone. I do it in lakes as a calculated risk but it's negligent where children are concerned.

Your husband is also pretty grim to make his toilet habits so widely known.

This. If she slipped presumably she'd go under and then right herself. I guess there's a chance she'd swallow water and panic/pass out etc.... but surely very highly unlikely. As you say - I don't understand what she's banging her head on in an inflatable pool that size.

OP you either trust your husband or you don't. If you don't then you need to start asking yourself the big questions.

I'd be furious too Op. that is not ok. Assuming he takes his phone in the loo with him when he's in there an hour? What is it with fucking stupid men on MN tonight.

"Your husband is also pretty grim to make his toilet habits so widely known"

Eh?

Of course six in a paddling pool is fine. You can't go through life trying to protect kids from freak accidents that are only happening in your head.

I’d be concerned about the risk of her slipping and hitting the back of her head on the ground and knocking herself out - in water - with no adult in sight.

She's 6, not 3. Being out there alone for ages, wouldn't say yes to, a quick loo trip, yes, I'd do the same as your DH.

It wasn't quick presumably, as OP had to go down there herself eh

Fortunately for him he isn't aware yet 🙈😂

You can drown in moments, but an extended period offers many many more moments to drown in.

Not going to happen. Think of yourself submerged in water up to your shoulders. You slip. Do you really think you'd drop like a stone fast enough to crack your head on the bottom of the pool? Your head isn't even touching the bottom of that pool!

Not by any means saying children can't drown in other ways, but that's not one of them.

It was anything but a quick loo trip. Anyone else could have wandered inside, made some sandwiches, tidied up, put on a load of washing and had a cup of tea while he had his loo trip. The water was chest high- I’d be absolutely furious!!

@ZippyDenimBear , indeed.

I know of a toddler who died in a tiny paddling pool in the balcony whilst her dad answered his phone.
I have heard of a 5 year old who drowned in the bathtub.
I would never trust a child, my DD watched a mermaid film and tried to hold her breath in the bathtub, luckily I sit with her the entire time.

That’s absolutely awful! I can’t believe he left her in the pool!
I have a friend who then just moved to Spain with her partner and their 4yrs old daughter.Only my friend and her daughter was at home in the house and playing in their pool.
She wanted to take some photos so she went to get her camera. She took her 4yrs old out of the pool and told her she can’t go in she has to wait for her to be back. She only stepped in to the living room and by the time she got back her daughter was in the pool and she sadly died. This is such a sad story and I was so upset for her. 😔 So anything can happen in a blink of an eye.

As you can see from this thread, all parents assess risks to their children differently. We get it right the vast, vast majority of the time and probably don't get enough credit for our skills in this area. But it's an individual thing. The biggest issue is that you seem to be on a different page to your partner. That's going to cause significant issues for you in the future if you don't be specific about what you think is acceptable, particularly around supervision, or lack of it. I wouldn't have left any ours in those circumstances, but I know plenty of parents who would.

She took her 4yrs old out of the pool and told her she can’t go in she has to wait for her to be back. She only stepped in to the living room and by the time she got back her daughter was in the pool and she sadly died

uhuh

I'm a lifeguard. All the rescues I have done have been in water that the swimmer can stand up in. For some reason, weak swimmers sometimes don't know how to put their feet down and stand up.

hands down this is the funniest comment I’ve actually read on here. Ffs

@ZippyDenimBear

Your husband has a problem if it takes him an hour to shit 🤢
If it took longer than a few minutes he's neglectful

Fair though - but some of the more recent posts by on here are reminders of the dangers in leaving DC alone in pools. He should not have gone off for a leisurely toilet trip with a 6 year old in a paddling pool.

I thought he'd had a wee in the pool reading the title!
That would have been utterly grim.

Leaving a little child in a pool I'd never do, as accidents can happen.

I think for me I have trouble believing that he was really going to be an hour on the toilet on this occasion. I don't think he was unreasonable, but that's because I can't imagine him being completely gone for an hour. I'd leave my 5 year old unattended in a similar depth for a quickish loo trip, or a bit longer where I am at a distance where I can hear them and constantly check verbally they are ok, but there is no way I'd go somewhere I couldn't even hear them for an hour (even though most likely they'd still be fine)

I’ve got a pool. House rules are no unaccompanied children in the pool, ever, and little kids must have adult supervision at all times. If you aren’t big enough to open the pool gate, you can’t go in on your own.

Erm no, they can drown in an inch