If you have never had a daughter?

[Justbecauseidid]

I was having a conversation with a neighbour earlier who has 5 sons and no daughter. She often expresses how she would have loved a girl. She then went on to say those who only get to experience the one sex will never get the chance to experience full motherhood. As in they would never know what is it to mother a daughter or vice versa.

It got me thinking...

Those of you with boys, would you like a daughter and those with girls would you like son?

I suppose she has a point about having a full rounded experience of motherhood.
It got me thinking.

I have a friend with 5 daughters. She desperately wanted a son and called her 5th daughter Jamie, which I know can be a girl's name, but probably raised a few eyebrows.

I have one of each. I thought this was great at first, but the constant congratulations of the 'pigeon pair' and almost commiserations to my friend having a 2nd boy really bothered me. I realised I actually didn't care, but we've been programmed to want the two children, boy/girl dynamic.

Frankly I was a little jealous as friend could hand down all her eldest's clothes to her youngest!!

I have two girls and don't think I've missed out on the full experience of motherhood at all, I don't think i would have parented any differently had they been boys.

When I was in labour with dd2 the midwife asked if we were going to try for a boy next for my husband 🤨

I’ve got friends with girls who do the while shopping/lunch/Strictly thing together, but I’ve also got friends with girls who they never see due to them having boyfriends.

I do a lot with my tween boy- lunch, coffee and cake, theatre together etc. I think those are pretty universal things that boys and girls equally like. I think some mums are just quick to enforce the whole these are ‘girly mother/daughter things’ and only do them with their daughter, never include or involve their son in them then repeat tropes of ‘daughters are so much closer than sons’

My son is beginning to get into fashion and likes shopping but I can’t stand shopping trips! I’ve accompanied my teenage niece shopping and felt the same. Shopping primarily for someone else is bloody boring in my opinion and I don’t get the fascination but each to their own.

Thats a bit narrow minded of the eyebrow owners then

I have 3 of the same sex. Never found out the last ones (or any of them) genders but specifically for the last one as I knew I'd be disappointed if it was a third. May be wrong, but I know myself and I would have been. When they handed me that baby and said it was third of the same gender I was momentarily disappointed but almost instantly was so happy they were here safely and happy. I would not change them for the world. They are a firecracker and I am so lucky to be their mum.

Yes I think this too, I often wonder as people often will have a sibling for the other child but then want the opposite sex when chances are they're more likely to get along if they are the same sex. Tbh I don't think people even know what they want and don't realise how much they've subconsciously been brainwashed.

Honestly, I wanted a girl and that's what I got.
I don't plan to have more children and don't feel sad not to have a boy.

Her comment is dumb. And even if it was true, no one can experience everything in life!

What a sad outlook! Is Sue Radford having a greater 'mum experience' because she has so many children?! Everyone's experience as a mum is different!

I consider myself fortunate to have both. My preference in my first pregnancy was a girl, but I was convinced I was having a boy. I was delighted when my second was also a girl, so that my DD had a sister. I absolutely love their relationship now they're mid to late 20s and each other's best friend, and we love spending time together.

My mother told me she hoped my second was a boy so I didn't "have to go again"! I wanted three though. My 3rd was a boy, but both my DH and I, while delighted to have our son, felt a pang when the pink babygro was sent home from the hospital!

Every child is unique, no matter what sex. I'm close to all three of my children, but there's a different kind of relationship with my DS compared to my DDs.

A neighbour has 5 children because the first 4 were girls and they kept trying for the boy. She said at the time she wanted a 6th, but that never happened!

I have one of each and think she's talking absolute rubbish. I wasn't having less of a motherhood experience before my second was born, thanks very much. Neither of my kids will experience having a same sex sibling which is a wonderful thing to have in my opinion, but you can't have every experience in life and having 4 kids to (possibly) give everyone the "full" experience would take away from them in other ways, mainly financially!

I had both and am glad I did.

(I'd probably have been one of those who kept going until they hit the opposite sex.)

It is different especially once they are adults.

I think it’s evident from the responses here that if you only have children of one sex you have to make a conscious effort not to generalise (especially in a negative way) about the sex you do not have. This seems to be particularly true for mums of boys, who experience more societal negativity about their family structure. Their insistence that they are completely satisfied can sometimes veer off into criticisms and put downs of girls (girly, dramatic, obsessed with appearance etc) in order to justify why their experience of only having sons is their preferred one.

My circle of close friends and family have either all boys or a mix of both. I don’t have anyone close to me who only has girls. I have a DD and a DS. What I notice from some of the all boy mums is that they don’t push back as strongly on that teenage misogynistic attitude that a lot of boys go through. I was talking to a friend who has 3 sons about women’s sport and how DD and I jump on DS if he makes sexist remarks. And my friend, who is a very successful professional, said oh I feel sorry for your DS because he’s just speaking the truth, womens sport is shit and nowhere near as skilled as men’s and I think it’s unfair when they get paid the same when it’s the men who bring in all the money. She, and other boy mums I know have expressed disdain for girls ‘who get drunk and throw themselves at their sons but it’s the boys who get the blame for everything.’ And they’ve dismissed the concerns that I and other mums of girls have expressed about their safety as being ‘overprotective’ because what they hear is a criticism of men in general which naturally includes their sons. I don’t hear that male victimhood narrative from the women in my life who have both sons and daughters.

To answer the question I don’t think that parenting both sexes is the definition of ‘complete’ motherhood. I do think it helps to keep the parents aware of the experiences of both sexes and this can assist with some of the guidance that you give to your children. Being released from negativity about your family means you rarely find yourself defending your experience so perhaps it’s a bit easier to avoid the harmful stereotypes.

This. I have two sons and they definitely couldn't be more different. The only thing they have in common is a passion for Premiership football. They had to be parented in such different ways and my relationship with both is so different now they are adults. I also have a dd and that relationship is different too . That whole thing is absolute nonsense. Every child is an individual.

What I notice from some of the all boy mums is that they don’t push back as strongly on that teenage misogynistic attitude that a lot of boys go through. I was talking to a friend who has 3 sons about women’s sport and how DD and I jump on DS if he makes sexist remarks. And my friend, who is a very successful professional, said oh I feel sorry for your DS because he’s just speaking the truth, womens sport is shit and nowhere near as skilled as men’s and I think it’s unfair when they get paid the same when it’s the men who bring in all the money.

I am an all boy Mum and hope I have stamped on any misogyny. I will never let them believe housework is someone else's job, and as a very keen and competitive sportswoman myself I hope have shown them that women's sport is different but just as good as men's. When they think I'm blathering on about it, I remind them just how recently it was that women were allowed to run the marathon in the Olympics and how just a generation ago (ie. mine) girls didn't even play football at school.

With the greatest respect, your neighbour is an idiot. No one has any right to dictate anyone else's experience of motherhood.

I wanted a daughter after having boys and she is a perfect example of be careful what you wish for.

I adore her but she is the complete opposite of what a daughter would be in my head. I pictured us being super close and sharing things like books and music. We are close but it's only ever on her terms and she is impossible to predict. The boys are both much more likely to confide in me and share stuff than she is.

She is very much like those small cute chilli peppers that looks innocent but will blow your head off.

It's unreasonable for her to label her own insecurities as to what full motherhood means on everyone else who only has just boys or girls. It's just as bad as someone saying a woman who hasn't had children isn't really a woman. It's absolute nonsense. If she feels that way that's her problem but then say 'I feel this way' not 'those who only get to experience...etc'. She shouldn't speak for the rest of us mums! (Mum of two DS here!)

I really don't get this.

My mum had one sporty son and one geeky son. Her sister had 3 sporty sons. Did she not get the "full range of motherhood" because she never had a geeky son?

Of course not, and the idea that someone's missed out just because they've not had a son or a daughter is equally as ridiculous.

I have 5 boys. Like a previous poster said, I wanted children, rather than sons or daughters. I was glad that my youngest was a boy because I knew that if he'd been a girl, people would assume I'd been trying for a girl specifically. People even now ask me if I've "given up trying for a girl" now that I'm in my early 40's and ds5 is 10. I have to keep telling people that we stopped having babies because that was the number that we wanted, nothing to do with their sex. Sometimes I see a little dress and think it would be nice to have a daughter to wear a dress like that but then I also think that when I see baby boy clothes now that my boys are older. I don't feel incomplete as a mother because my dc are all the same sex.

I have 2 little girls and am pregnant with a boy. I can't lie, I am beyond lucky to experience being a mother to daughter and now a son. Very much looking forward to how/ if things will differ / change through parenting both sexes.

People still think having a girl is this personality and a boy is like this. But we all know better than that now that even person is different and has their own personality.
Having 10 kids might not be classed as having the full experience becaue you don't have a maths genius or a football star or even a psychopath

I am one of three sisters, and my parents were utterly delighted. We are the best of friends. There are now multiple grandkids of both sexes and it’s met with equal delight by the whole family. I personally have just the one boy, and he is all I could wish for and more because I know what a privelege it is to have a child.

I have both and I'm grateful to have both. I'd have been sad to not have been able to experience raising a son and a daughter.

I think the idea is ridiculous and I am yet to meet a person who not said 'I want a daughter so we can go clothes shopping, get our hair done and borrow each other's makeup' and comeup with the usual cliches of boys when they gender their children

I do know people who don't gender their children and am happy with whatever children they end up with but the idea someone is missing out it is odd

Different adults have different relationships with their parents. Yes. That is true. But it is not dictated by their genitals.