If you have never had a daughter?

[Justbecauseidid]

I was having a conversation with a neighbour earlier who has 5 sons and no daughter. She often expresses how she would have loved a girl. She then went on to say those who only get to experience the one sex will never get the chance to experience full motherhood. As in they would never know what is it to mother a daughter or vice versa.

It got me thinking...

Those of you with boys, would you like a daughter and those with girls would you like son?

I suppose she has a point about having a full rounded experience of motherhood.
It got me thinking.

Your neighbour has enough children to almost start a football team and says because she didn’t have a girl, she hasn’t experienced full motherhood?

Can’t imagine what she would think of the one and done brigade. Maybe that could be the next discussion.

I have 4 boys. And if I’m honest I would have liked a girl when pregnant with my eldest son, however now I have 4 lovely boys and I adore each one and no no desire for a girl whatsoever, I feel privileged to be a mum to my boys and lucky to watch them grow up and turn into men.

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I was hoping for one of each, but both were boys. And I'm more than happy with this. I have thought occasionally what it would be like to have a daughter, but I don't want more kids, and it certainly hasn't left me feeling like I won't have the "full motherhood experience".

I would like a daughter, but I don't think it will happen. My son has his girlfriend round and I was thinking last time how nice it is having a girl in the house

Two sons and no, I don't long for a daughter! I also think I've had quite enough experience of motherhood with the two DC I've got

You get what you need, not what you want. I don’t “want” a baby of the opposite sex to my existing children, but if I had one I’d love it of course.

I have a boy and am pregnant with another boy. I have no desire for a girl and am not planning any more children

I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything

I wanted a girl cat at least but it turned out to be really a boy as well

Interesting responses. I think she's talking nonsense personally. But it is interesting to note how many people are shouting her down at the same time as saying they are (innately) a girl/boy mum, that they only want to be mum to one sex not the other. Which does indicate people think the experience of being mum to one sex is different from being mum to the other. Which then suggests if you've only had one sex, you've only had one of the two possible and different experiences rather than the 'full' experience of both. Which is a bit contradictory.

I 'only' have daughters. And I 'only' have granddaughters. And I love it! I had no preference at the beginning, and am certainly not girly. But I love having daughters, and through both my daughters pregnancies, secretly hoped for granddaughters!

I'm sure boys are lovely, as are the men in my life, but I love my girls. I don't feel that I've missed any part of motherhood.

I’m not ’girly’ and neither is my girl. That’s not the only way to be a ‘girl mum’.
I really only considered that she would be a girl. I always ‘knew’ she would be.
I didn’t ‘want’ a boy, though obvs I’d have loved on if I’d had one.

As a mother of a boy and a girl, you do experience the challenges of raising both gender. It’s two different problematics and I think if you only have one gender your parenting is different (all my friends have children of the same gender) but no way I can say it’s not full motherhood.

I have both. Still very little. I can totally see why she’d say that because you probably would feel like you were missing out on a part of it. I thought how lucky I was to get one of each but then I had a sister growing up and now think it’s a bit sad that my two will miss out on that same-sex sibling bond that we have. I phone and text her every day. Are an adult brother and sister going to do the same? Probably not 🤔 There’s always something we will miss out on though so I think you do just need to be happy with what you’ve been given and be glad everyone’s healthy

I have only sons, and secretly hoped against hope my babies would all be boys.

However, I do think couples that have both are lucky and I know my husband would’ve loved a daughter. I have 3 sisters so felt no urge to have more girls in my life.

I agree with this. I have one of each and the differences in mothering them is far more to do with their very different characters than their genders.

I had a boy, followed by a girl. They are both loved and cherished and given the best opportunities. And if she’d been a boy she would have been loved and cherished and given the best opportunities.

But would I have longed for a daughter? Honestly yes I would. I wouldn’t have loved my boys any less so can’t explain it really.

Does this apply to fatherhood too?

Nope, not all. How sad this woman feels that way, for her and for her sons. Hope to god she never says that in front of them, though sadly I bet she does if she’s casually sharing it with a neighbour.
Although I imagined having one of each, my heart is very much full and my motherhood feels fully complete with my one beautiful boy.

I have boy and girl. Teen girls are full of drama lol. My sil has 5 boys.

Whatever sex your children are mothers only get to experience what motherhood is like with the children they have. All my kids are ND, I have no experience of parenting an NT child, but I also have no experience of parenting different ND kids. A mother of an only child will never experience motherhood of multiple children and vice versa. Mums who only have ND children wont experience parenting an ND child and vice versa. Motherhood is not a bucket list where you need to tick of the various experiences. The number of kids you have, their sex, whether they have disabilities, whether they're NT or ND doesn't change how much motherhood you've experienced. Children are individuals and there's no such thing as degrees of motherhood.

I have both and I think your neighbour is talking rubbish. Raising a boy doesn’t mean that you know what it’s like to raise all boys. People have different experiences with parenthood and it’s affected by all sorts like personality of the parents and child as well as circumstances.

I understand people imagining things like what life would be like with an extra child or what if your 2 kids were born in the opposite birth order but that’s just imagination running wild. People without kids do that kind of imagining too - what if they married their ex? What if they took that promotion ? Etc

Full parenthood is about bringing up your kids. It doesn’t matter their sex, achievements, personalities … they are your full set of kids and they are a unique group that is special to you and their loved ones. My experience of raising sons and a daughter are not wildly different. I bought some different “stuff” along the way but their journeys to adulthood were unique and it was my honour to witness their development.

I have only DDs and never wanted a DS. I had a strong preference for DDs (no idea why).

Rubbish. You can have two children of the same gender and they will be completely different people with different personality traits and interests.

I only have a boy and I think I am a 'full' mother, what a ridiculous comment. No one can have every type of child on offer, it's not just gender how they differ its ability, neurotype, personality, health etc. you get the child that is right for you x

Utter bunkum.

Each child is unique in personality and brings their own challenges to parenting them.

I don't hold with ridiculous sexist stereotypes that insist things like 'daughter is yours for life/son until wife' claptrap either.