If you have never had a daughter?

[Justbecauseidid]

I was having a conversation with a neighbour earlier who has 5 sons and no daughter. She often expresses how she would have loved a girl. She then went on to say those who only get to experience the one sex will never get the chance to experience full motherhood. As in they would never know what is it to mother a daughter or vice versa.

It got me thinking...

Those of you with boys, would you like a daughter and those with girls would you like son?

I suppose she has a point about having a full rounded experience of motherhood.
It got me thinking.

I've got two boys (well, grown up now).

Before I had either of them I always wanted to have two children, and I didn't really mind whether I had boys or girls but had a slight preference to have two of the same, as I thought they'd probably make better companions for each other. This was based on the entirely anecdotal experience of having had a brother I didn't really get on with, while a close friend had a sister she got on very well with.

Since then I've often thought that I wouldn't have made a particularly good mum of girls. I wasn't a very girly girl myself, didn't really understand playground politics and never had many close female friends growing up. I don't think I would have been able to help daughters very much with the sort of friendship and self-esteem issues girls seem to have more often than boys. But obviously if I had had one or more girls I would have done my best, and for all I know it might have worked out just fine.

Two boys and no I don’t want a daughter.

The ‘you’ll never know full motherhood’ thing is nonsense. I’ll never know what it’s like to ‘mother’ children with different personalities or abilities or temperaments from mine either, or families of a different size.

WTF does "full motherhood" mean? How stupid to define it by sex. Each parent is only a parent to their particular children, who are different from other children in a multitude of ways. Have they not experienced "full parenthood" because they've only parented their children?

Maybe they haven't parented a child who likes swimming, or a child who can do a cartwheel, or a child who has SEN, or a child who has blonde hair, or a child who is very clever, or a child who isn't very clever.... well you get the idea.

"Full motherhood" - what a stupid thing to say.

Agree!
Two sons here - don't feel I've missed out at all.

I have 5 sons. I never minded not having a girl and don't feel that I haven't had the full experience of motherhood. I don't know if I would have parented any differently if I'd had girls. My boys have been a joy, they are all lovely. I am the youngest of 3 girls and we were hellers as teenagers 😂

Christ is there anything people won't pick at women and mothers for?

So far in my life I've been told I've not had the full and "correct" motherhood experience because:

I didn't give birth "naturally" (someone actually had the audacity to tell me you're not a real mother if you have a C)
I didn't breast feed
I was a very young mother
I'm one and done

And now apparently because I've only got a girl that's another way I've not had the "full" motherhood experience I can add to my list! Hooray!

I think your neighbour worded it badly but what she was probably trying to say is that boys and girls are different and she would have liked to have experienced both.

I’ve got sons and daughters and blimey, they are very different.

I have 2 girls. When I didn’t know that dd1 was a little girl I was so convinced she was going to be a boy and was stunned when I found out she was a girl. Same for dd2 - I was surprised. I always so myself as a boys mum ! I’m supper happy I have 2 daughters but I wish I had a 3rd and it was a little boy - I have friends who have little boys and their relationships with their sons is so sweet, and their boys are just adorable !

I have a son. In ideal world I would have loved to have2-3 children /a gender mix but since I'm nearing 40 I doubt that would ever happen.

What bollocks!!!!!

I have one ds and have never felt I missed out on the full experience. What rot! I wonder if the Virgin Mary was stressed by only having Jesus

I have a son and a daughter. I think her saying you don’t have a full rinsed experience of motherhood if you only have one sex is perhaps a bit extreme. But I wil say that in my experience having and son and daughter is quite different- whatever anyone says about gender!

Whereas I wouldn’t go along with the idea that you need one of each to experience full motherhood I have often noted that mothering styles differ according to the sex of a person's first child. When I had my daughter my mum said I was lucky to have the perfect family - one of each. She didn’t really approve when I had my third child.

She sounds like she needs some kind of therapy tbh

I wanted 2 children and I have 2 boys. Yes I would have liked a girl, but I don't have one so that's that.

As humans we "miss out" on a lot of things. No human can have every single experience, that's just not possible. That's not a negative thing, and it shouldn't be perceived that way. Each child follows a distinct path and that isn't dependent on gender.

I have 3 boys and they are so different!

Before I had kids I would’ve said I would have liked boys and girls but now can’t imagine anything different to what we have.

I have a boy- I wanted a boy and if we have another (which we won’t) and I could pick, I’d pick another boy.

Absolutely no idea why 🤷‍♀️.

I have 2 nieces I adore and see multiple times a week, I don’t believe all the rubbish about girls being easier, or boys being more dependent or anything… but still have a random preference for boys.

Same. It’s never been of any interest to me x

I'd like to have had a lad in the mix, I think you'd get a different perspective/environment to the all girls plus dh we have.
Of course happy to have healthy kids but I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like.

‘Full motherhood’ is clumsily phrased. I don’t find it insulting though. I am a mother of 3 girls. I did have a slight preference for a girl with my first. I’m sure I would have loved a boy just the same but I got a girl so I guess I’ll never know. The second 2 DC I didn’t honestly care.. but I guess part of that was that I already had a daughter. I thought it would be nice to have a boy because DH really wanted one but he fiercely loves our girls anyway obviously.

ive never really tried to pick apart why I wanted a girl. From speaking to others and reading MN it seems we do tend towards wanting one of our own gender. Biological urge I guess? Or thinking you’re more likely to have a close relationship with your own gender? I find that mums of only boys are quite keen to stress how much they don’t care and would hate to have a girl in a ‘the lady doth protest too much” way.

Son, and never wanted a girl. Girls can be lovely though. All depends on the character of the child.

Character is FAR more important than gender/sex.

I have boys. I can’t actually imagine being a mother of girls. I’m sure if I’d had just girls I’d feel the same about boys. I don’t feel any loss of motherhood.

Im a boy mum and suit it. No desire to experience wedding dress shopping or dance recitals. I like standing in fields and having conversations about sport. I also really enjoy the company of boys and men. So I really did have the right sex although i might have said different a few years ago.

Gosh some people really are batshit. I have a son and have no desire whatsoever to have a daughter. If I have another, I'd like another boy

I have one of each and not planning any more. There are so many wonderful family combinations that I see around me and that I won't get to experience. I feel a little wistful whenever I see them.

I envy parents with two boys when I see the wonderful brother relationships their boys have.

I have a sister and I feel sad for my DD that she won't get to experience a sister relationship like I did. I feel sad when I see two little girls giggling together.

I envy families with two children close in age because they are at similar stages and enjoy similar things. Mine have a large age gap.

I envy the rough-and-tumble companionship of large families where the kids have their own little "gang" together without the need for outsiders.

Conversely I'm often jealous of one-child families where relative peace and calm reigns, the parents actually have a life and they don't constantly have to balance different children's needs.

Ultimately I've acknowledged that I just need to give myself a kick up the backside and enjoy what I have. Which is pretty great.

I find the whole idea of disappointment in the sex of ones baby really unpleasant and upsetting tbh.