If you have never had a daughter?

[Justbecauseidid]

I was having a conversation with a neighbour earlier who has 5 sons and no daughter. She often expresses how she would have loved a girl. She then went on to say those who only get to experience the one sex will never get the chance to experience full motherhood. As in they would never know what is it to mother a daughter or vice versa.

It got me thinking...

Those of you with boys, would you like a daughter and those with girls would you like son?

I suppose she has a point about having a full rounded experience of motherhood.
It got me thinking.

Two boys and no desire for any more children. I’m a boy mum through and through and if I were to have a third, I’d hope for a boy. I’d have two or three more if a) I could put them on ice for 4 years and b) I could guarantee boys

2 lovely boys. 2 miscarriages so maybe I would have had a girl. No I don’t think having one of each gives you a more rounded view of parenthood. Being a parent is what it is regardless of your child’s gender.

4 girls here. Never had a preference - my DH did, he wanted a DC1 to be a girl. Whilst pregnant I thought it might be nice to have a boy but after I found out they were girls I didn't give it another thought.

My girls have very different personalities to one another so it's not as though my motherhood experience has been the same with each one.

I have two boys and I adore it. We won’t be having anymore babies but if we were then I would absolutely love another little boy, 3 boys seems dreamy. (Although realistically a girl would be fine too, I don’t understand gender disappointment at all)

The ‘not experiencing’ motherhood fully is silly. My sister has a DD with special needs and disabilities and has had appalling comments that insinuate she’s not had the ‘proper’ experience of having a little girl.

The genders thing also suggests anybody with an only child and hasn’t fully experienced motherhood which is ridiculous and insulting.

Nope wanted 2 girls and have 2 girls

of course I will never have the experience of a son- someone with one of each doesn’t know what it is to have two the same sex. That doesn’t mean lesser just factually you can’t live multiple experiences of motherhood.

I have two sons. So many people have asked if we're going to try again for a girl.

In short no.

I don't believe the sex of your child impacts your experience of motherhood, although I say that with a 5 year old and a 7 month old, I may when they're older have a different opinion. However, the way I see it, I love my children no matter what, I treat them the same, I am giving them the same home, same life experiences. A girl would give me a pretty wardrobe, but my eldest gives me dinosaurs and construction vehicles, as it stands I can dress my youngest however I like, at the moment, that's as brightly as possible because I love bright colours.
One of my cousins when I announced we were having a second boy said she was sorry I wouldn't be able to do "matching mummy and daughter outfits" of course not, I do matching mummy and sons outfits.

It's easy to get caught up in the "mummy mum is my best friend" and want to recreate that, but there's no guarantee I'd get on with a daughter like I get on with my mum.

I have 3 children, 2 sons, 1 daughter. One of my son’s is gay, so I often joke I’ve experienced it all. I was desperate for a daughter after 2 sons, but now all nearly grown, there’s no difference to our relationships. I enjoyed doing her hair and buying pretty dresses but that’s just superficial stuff. I’d have probably mourned not having a DD but it certainly doesn’t mean you’ve not experienced full motherhood with one gender. That’s a silly thing to say

So true @Hummusanddipdip. Also, you might recreate the close relationship with one of your sons. My brother and our mother are best friends. They talk daily and bond over a shared passion for a certain genre of music. He’s not a stereotypically ‘girly’ type by any stretch. They just get on well and are genuinely mates.

Being a parent is what it is regardless of your child’s gender.

True. I think you would only ‘miss out’ on stuff if you heavily gender your parenting.

You can literally do any activity with either sex child- my ds is a happy mix of kungfu and weight training with make up, skincare and skirt wearing thrown in.

He literally does what he enjoys, as do my nieces- frequently spend an hour on their faces only to destroy all the work by hurling themselves into the nearest open water.

All kids of both types are batty if you ask me- whatever sex you get it will still defy all reason.

I had three miscarriages then DS. I just wanted a healthy baby by that point, but secretly, I'd always wanted a son and thought if I could only have one child then I'd like a boy rather than a girl. If (big if!) we have another, then it might be nice to have a girl but I honestly wouldn't care either way; I'd just be happy to have another (hopefully healthy) baby.

I have three boys and would have liked a girl but I wouldn't swap any of my boys for a girl. They are all soo different and brilliant. My youngest is now ten and I just cannot face the idea of starting all over again!

All sons.

Presumed they would be boys (didn't ask at the scans).

Never wanted a daughter particularly and don't feel I have missed out.

One of each here, I don't find them much different really. Neither is really girly or boyish. They both like getting out on their bikes, painting their nails, building dens and playing with their teddies in them.

My girl loves science, space and sports. She adores drawing and crafts. My boy likes drama, acting and singing, and his hot wheels collection has an incredibly sophisticated social hierarchy.

They're individuals more than they are a gender.

I have two sons, both teenagers.

I wanted children, not boys or girls per se. Years of IVF. I’m very close to my sons and we have a good bond, I have no desire for a daughter.

I find that mums of only boys are quite keen to stress how much they don’t care and would hate to have a girl in a ‘the lady doth protest too much” way.

Because when you only have a boy or boys so many people seem to just assume that you must be disappointed and just don’t believe you when you say you’re happy/want a boy next/no particular desire for a girl.

Plenty of women say they are happy they have girls and only want girls. Are they stressing this because they’re secretly sad about not having a son?? I don’t think they are. So I don’t get why it’s such a stretch to believe some women have no preference for a daughter.

I have one boy, I love him and I feel fulfilled as a mother. If I had a girl, or if I had 2 kids of different sexes, I would have felt the same - and I know bringing up a girl is a bit different to parenting a boy. You get one or the other, of both - it makes no difference, being a parent is great! I find it weird when people get so hung up on having a child of a specific sex. I honestly think they have issues.

Happy with my two boys, and slightly relieved that I never had to worry about putting hair in plaits, periods, and other girly paraphernalia. .

Someone once said to me that the only thing she missed out about having boys was going on girly shopping trips and I agree with her there, and I see mums doing more with their adult girls, then I do with my boys.

But I don’t feel un-rounded by having just boys.

Literally the only thing that I thought about wrt the sex of a potential baby was that a boy might end up having a slightly easier life due to male privilege.

Once a boy was born and grew up a bit it did occur to me that I wouldn't get to plait my child's hair (this was relevant as my mum didn't know how to plait mine so as a child I had decided I would learn to do it for my own daughter) - except he then chose to grow his long, so I am in fact detangling and helping him tie it up for activities regularly.

It's the stuff you buy. I was a girlie child who loved all things pink and princessy and when I had a daughter, I just found that stuff extremely cute and got an obscene amount of satisfaction buying her bows and frilly things.

Even now, I love doing my daughters' hair and decorating their heads with some kind of hair band or sparkly clip. my older girl loves it so it's like we share a very frivolous hobby of liking pink and sparkly things. I also like girls names that are reminiscent of fluff, or sparkles, or fairies and would have loved to have named my daughter Celestia or Romantica or Astara or any other name you'd give a mermaid. I loved picking out girls names as if I was naming my Barbie. I'm very girly and I wasn't going to start teaching my girls rugby. They seem to like it but I wasn't going to push it onto them if they didn't.

I just wasn't going to do the fluffy pink things with my son (Although he does like a pink t short or pink football boots). He is absolutely football mad, loves fart jokes and Minecraft and is hilarious. We have loads to talk about and he is every bit as valuable, loved and cherished as my daughters. I just love the pink things and so do they.

As it happens, my daughters are fully rounded human beings with depth, character and interests that go beyond being girly but we all like the razzmatazz of the cutesy stuff for now. Their personalities are based on more than colour.

All of my children know that almost any career is open to them and that education, hard work, commitment and motivation are crucial if they want to follow whatever their dream may be.

I love being a mother full stop, but I enjoy having girls because I like putting my babies in pink baby grows and buying my daughters frilly dresses, but it is frivolous and meaningless And it certainly does not hold sufficient gravitas to deem oneself not having possessed the full capacity of motherhood if you didn't have it! Nice if you have all the pink stuff (if thats what you want) but it doesn't mean anything.

You're a mother when you have a child, male or female. There are so many aspects of motherhood that nobody experiences the full scope of, and if any did; I feel sorry for them! Not everyone breastfeeds, not every has all neurotypical children, not all mothers see their children growing up.

I had a girl first and I do remember wanting our second (and last) to be a boy. I knew we only wanted two children and I just wanted that ‘best of both’

I got what I wished for I have to say, I absolutely love it. I knew I’d mourn not having a boy after having DD.

I live my 2 little boys. Would I like a girl? If I had one, I would love them. But I don't feel that I need to have a girl to feel complete. There is a big part of me that would love a third child, but age and finances have not aligned. But if that happened, all I would want is for them to be happy and healthy.

I know someone with three DS, and the youngest is a DD. She admitted she kept going until she got a girl. Lots of pressure put upon her. She's dressed like a doll. The mum overcompensates because she wanted her second born to have been a girl. It's sad.

I would have chosen three girls. I got two girls and a boy. Being mum to my girls has been brilliant and being mum to my boy has been truly wonderful. I’m glad you can’t chose.

We have 5 children- 2 sons then had 3 daughters.

They are 5 completely different children. I have one incredibly “girly” girl and another who like trains, football and motorbikes. 2 are ND and probably have the most in common despite being different genders.

I don’t know that I would have felt I didn’t have the full experience of motherhood, had I not had both boys and girls.

Have a DD, don’t want another child, do not feel like I’ve remotely ‘missed out’. Boys usually have bags and bags of energy, so suspect not particularly well matched to me. This whole ‘not a proper parent’ bullshit is tiresome and small minded.