to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

[TheWrongBus]

Genuine question, curious if there is an official/legal answer.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

What I didn’t realise is that she’d drunk half her (large) bottle of water before we left home. She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

I check and we’re around 25 minutes from the next services and at least 15 minutes from the next junction. Daughter at this point starts to cry because she’s so desperate so we decide to pull into the SOS lay-bye and hubby takes her behind the crash barrier for a wee. From what he reports it’s clearly not the first time this spot has been used in this way….

I don’t like using the lay-bye for this purpose and appreciate there are dangers to stopping there but I’m not sure what else we could have done. With the M25 traffic and the M3 roadworks I think it was at least 50 minutes between the previous M25 junction and the next M3 junction and literally nowhere we could stop between. So what else could we have done?

Am hoping they don’t fine people for using these lay-byes in a non-emergency, but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

Loving Longacres getting so much chat. Just off there now …

No, there wouldn’t. You can’t pull alongside an emergency refuge and reverse neatly into a space.

OP, buy a travel urinal for the car (the hard plastic ones) with an attachment that allows women/girls to use it. You can buy sachets of stuff that absorb the urine and turn it into a gel (no spillages). It's a game changer (for travel and camping!). I also have the Travel John things (I keep a few in car and some in our camping gear box), but they can be a bit fiddly. Having said that, my DD was able to shuffle her bum forward on her car seat, and pee using a Travel John whilst we were in slow moving traffic on motorway - she was thrilled that she was able to do that!!

Incidentally, they use the "gel urinary bags" in prison vans.

The rules don't apply to you...obviously

*layby
Medical emergency? Don't be so ridiculous. What you did was illegal and dangerous, and if you are fined then (a) it will be justified and (b) you will have no valid defence.

Many years ago we pulled up on the hard shoulder of the M40 so that our son could be sick.. A police car pulled up behind us shortly, took one look and said that's fine.

You would?

You could get everyone back in the car and get up to speed and out before Long Distance Clara slides her articulated lorry with the trailer wheels locked up and on fire, into the space your car is occupying, still doing 45mph as she screams to a halt...

You have super-human skills... or I suspect have never seen HOW fast and how suddenly some vehicles enter the emergency space.

You can't leave at the m25 / m3 junction, it's motorway to motorway with no exit

You'd feel guilty if someone had got killed!

This. Needing the loo is not a medical emergency, OP. I can't believe you said that. I think you need to go back to your highway code.

If everyone did this, what impact do you think it would have on those needing to stop because of actual emergencies?

Why is everyone getting so worked up? We're talking about a NINE year old GIRL here - if I was still 9 I'd like to think my mother would have stopped for me! Not sure I'd have wanted my FATHER to take me for a pee(!) but needs must I spose...

DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

OP - maybe if your kid tells you they might need the loo at some point - think about why they're saying that and talk to them. Kids don't normally have such great foresight.

If a 9 year old is saying they might need to stop for the loo 'at some point', it probably means they are already starting to need it, and you should just stop asap.

@Ihopeithinkiknow

I am sorry for your loss. I have no idea what the circumstances were but imagine if someone suggested that because of an awful tragedy it was your fault in some way.

That is what I find so distasteful here. People are enjoying berating the OP not because of a concern for children’s safety but because they are enjoying feeling superior.

Everyone is getting worked up because the emergency laybys and hard shoulders are a really REALLY fucking dangerous place to be.

The reason you are only to stop there if there is NO other option and its something out of your control (because believe me, stopping because you ran out of fuel will absolutely get you a bollocking even though there is no other option!)... is that unnecessary stopping increases the chances of someone dying.

Because the hard shoulder needs to be kept clear for actual emergencies. Using it as a pit stop for the toilet is incredibly dangerous. Anyone who doesn't understand this needs to re-read the highway code.

It is because it is incredibly dangerous.
It reminds me of giving my friend and her two month old baby a short lift. We were in a City with a motorway through it, and even though the journey was 10 minutes, we had t go on the motorway. My friend's baby started crying and she got the baby out of the car seat to comfort her. When I said that was dangerous, she said she could not leave her baby to cry. If a car had hit us, or I had to do an emergency stop, her baby would have died.

Id suggest its exasperation at the disregard for the rules on safety, rather than "worked up" people are fed up of entitlement and people not understanding the rules are there for safety reason.

Its one of the most dangerous place to stop and get a child out of the car, so fairly stupid if you're not broken down

Don't know if anyone's already suggested this because I haven't read all the posts, but a nappy works a treat and can be slotted into pants quite easily in an 'emergency'. I always keep a couple spare in the car. I haven't had to ever use one, but would if I needed to.

Well I think you've learned a lesson to listen to your kid sooner. Let's face it- anyone who has a child knows a dithery "I need a wee soon" means "let's find the nearest toilet now!"

I don't think it was an easy decision to make, you've got a guaranteed shit option (kid pees themselves) or a potential shit option (less likely to happen but high risk of injury/death of it does happen). I think you gambled and won this time, but I think you're definitely looking back at it with the perspective of a survivors bias.

M25/M3 junction there is no stopping they just merge and until 2026 it will take 50 minutes now to get to the next services at Fleet because of road works - Christ knows why everything takes so long on our motorways

What’s done is done but I wouldn’t stop in one on these lay-bys unless it was an absolute emergency.

Too many people have been seriously injured or killed and it’s just not worth the risk.

Next time tell your DD to try and hold it for the next 15mins and if she has an accident then it doesn’t matter.

It’s better to have a toilet accident that can be cleaned up and dealt with, then a serious accident that could take her life.

YAVBU stopping in refuge areas and laybys is extremely dangerous.

Most public services are under-invested. Roads were built decades ago for much lighter traffic volumes. They probably need to be replaced rather than fixed.