to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

[TheWrongBus]

Genuine question, curious if there is an official/legal answer.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

What I didn’t realise is that she’d drunk half her (large) bottle of water before we left home. She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

I check and we’re around 25 minutes from the next services and at least 15 minutes from the next junction. Daughter at this point starts to cry because she’s so desperate so we decide to pull into the SOS lay-bye and hubby takes her behind the crash barrier for a wee. From what he reports it’s clearly not the first time this spot has been used in this way….

I don’t like using the lay-bye for this purpose and appreciate there are dangers to stopping there but I’m not sure what else we could have done. With the M25 traffic and the M3 roadworks I think it was at least 50 minutes between the previous M25 junction and the next M3 junction and literally nowhere we could stop between. So what else could we have done?

Am hoping they don’t fine people for using these lay-byes in a non-emergency, but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

It's not only dangerous because of someone else potentially needing it. The hard shoulder is a dangerous place to be - pedestrians in close proximity to fast moving traffic should be avoided unless absolutely essential. Needing the loo is a poor reason to risk getting your child out of the car in a motorway layby or hard shoulder.

Having checked back on the map, I think from point of her telling me she needed a wee there was nowhere to stop for 45-50
minutes - the M3 junction takes you straight from the M25, there’s no option to come off, and there wasn’t anywhere we could have stopped earlier.

Also, the lay-bye was big enough for at least 3 other cars or an HGV so it’s highly unlikely we were depriving anyone else of using it.

But I do take the point that’s arguably not/not a medical emergency and that it can be v dangerous to stop in these lay-byes.

Until this happened today I honestly thought I wouldn’t stop in these circumstances, and I’d have argued the same as the rest of you (I’m very much a “rules control the fun” kinda gal!). But with daughter crying/about to wet her car seat and no junction for another 15 mins, I didn’t take much persuading that we should stop.

She told you she needed it before you got on the motorway. Why didn’t you listen to her?

Arguably not?

curious, in what circumstances do you believe you could win the argument that needing a wee is a medical emergency? You all need to plan better, it’s illegal for a reason.

Why didn't you stop when she told you she needed the loo before joining the motorway?

I suspect you'll get a fine and points on your license, SOS lay-bys tend to be covered by cameras.

It's lay-by not lay-bye

As in ‘for heavens sake woman’

It’s not innovative language, Mrs

Been there, done that, don't overthink it. It's not ideal and being stuck in roadworks/traffic limited your options. Kids go from "I might need a wee" to "WEE" in minutes even if they go before you set off. My DS's have wee'd in a bottle in the car but girls can't do that with any sort of privacy/dignity and I have taken DD for a wee in similar circumstances.

the M3 junction takes you straight from the M25, there’s no option to come off, and there wasn’t anywhere we could have stopped earlier.

From the m25 junction to J3 of the M3 (Bagshot/Lightwater) normally takes me around 5 minutes the many times I’ve driven it.

Its really dangerous, my friend broke down and managed to get to the layby and HGV caught the back of it and smash and squished it, luckliy they were out of the car and behind a barrier, but only for about 2 mins before it hit. The people in the car are at much more risk than your dd and dh outside.

No, we went straight from one motorway to another motorway, there was no opportunity to stop anywhere. The traffic was such that it was 45-50 minutes between one junction and the next. The only other option was to let daughter wet herself in her car seat, but I do understand the argument that this is what we should have done.

I don’t think any kind of portapotty - if we’d had one - could have been used by DD remaining strapped in her car seat. So much easier for a DS in the same situation…

You deserve a fine. Incredibly dangerous to you, especially if you waited in the car (another car could have crashed into you) and other road users who may have needed the lay-by in an emergency

Needing a wee is not an emergency. Wetting yourself is very unpleasant but not life or health endangering

This. On any police show I’ve seen they close the inside lane of traffic on the motorway to allow people to leave the lay-by. It was very dangerous what you did.

How do you pull out when two passengers are out of the car?!

No I wouldn't have stopped. Incredibly dangerous both for you, those out of the car and everyone else.

Stop calling it a lay-by. That is a rest area on an A or B road.
The OP stopped for a non emergency .
How will you prepare for this going forward OP?
Towels or absorbant pads in the car? Listening to your child?

As in ‘for heavens sake woman’

It’s not an innovative use of language, Mrs

I'm not going to berate you OP as we've all been in this situation. Last time it happened to me we were 10 mins from home (J3 M25) so I told DS to wait. It took us 30 mins to get off the M25 & another 10 mins to get home. He never forgets that journey.

Even now I ask my DC if they need a wee when we are close to Services.....and they are now 21,19 & 17 !!

In future OP remind your DC just as you are about to set off, at at regular intervals during your journey. I know the route you were on as every summer we went from Se London to Devon or Cornwall for holidays.

It's incredibly dangerous. I suggest you carry some travel John's in tbe car for futire "emergencies"

Never pull over on the hard shoulder unless its a real emergency

Yeah, I don't want to derail the thread but that's not really right, is it. The first junction is the A322, which is about 6 miles, after that its the A331, another 4 miles, all the M3 is under the 50 mph roadworks limit for this stretch, so the OP is right, it will take quite a while to get off the motorway, even then you need to be a local to find toilets. There aren't "plenty" of junctions and they're not a "few minutes" apart!

(Still in the wrong to stop though!)

If you were in traffic she could have got out of seat and weed in the footwell on a jumper or something. Safer than being outside on the hard shoulder imo.

I'm glad someone said this.

OP YABU to use it. Needing a wee is not an emergency.

Have you got any idea how dangerous it is to stop on the side of a motorway?

Needing a wee is absolutely not a medical emergency.

I hope that they do monitor those emergency bays and fine you for your actions

Always take the opportunity to go when you are near services, you have no idea what the traffic is like ahead.

But in future, keep a pack of these in the car and you won't have to worry.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=travel+john&crid=2IBYPZCA6QQEY&sprefix=travel+john%2Caps%2C87&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

"Pull out"???

ALL the occupants of the car should have been out and over the barrier whilst it was stopped. It's insane to sit in a parked car on a motorway hard shoulder or lay by as you're going to get killed if it gets hit by a lorry.

Not innovative. Just sexist.