to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

[TheWrongBus]

Genuine question, curious if there is an official/legal answer.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

What I didn’t realise is that she’d drunk half her (large) bottle of water before we left home. She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

I check and we’re around 25 minutes from the next services and at least 15 minutes from the next junction. Daughter at this point starts to cry because she’s so desperate so we decide to pull into the SOS lay-bye and hubby takes her behind the crash barrier for a wee. From what he reports it’s clearly not the first time this spot has been used in this way….

I don’t like using the lay-bye for this purpose and appreciate there are dangers to stopping there but I’m not sure what else we could have done. With the M25 traffic and the M3 roadworks I think it was at least 50 minutes between the previous M25 junction and the next M3 junction and literally nowhere we could stop between. So what else could we have done?

Am hoping they don’t fine people for using these lay-byes in a non-emergency, but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

Highly stupid. It's dangerous and irresponsible. The occupants remaining in the car were at risk of serious collision from other road users. Another motorist needing to use the refuge bay due to car faults wouldn't have been able to.
You pull off at the next junction for a wild wee as soon as it is safe to do so if the services aren't close by. Or DD wets herself and learns a lesson about pacing oneself when consuming fluids on a long journey.

I'm still furious at FIL for pulling over on the m25 hand shoulder because my six year old said she felt sick. He actually let her get out of the car with the traffic still fast moving on the motorway. You can't just pull over on the m25! (Plus she fakes feeling sick when bored!)

But pulling back out of an SOS lay-by is much much more dangerous, as there’s no slip road or hard shoulder to build up speed on. That’s why when they are used for their intended purpose the highways agency close the inside lane to let the breakdown lorry / repaired vehicle safely join the motorway. My car is electric and accelerates pretty quickly…I still wouldn’t fancy it

Too late by then so just get off at the nearest place to clean them up - a motorway isn't that place

She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

That would make it Hampshire, where it really isn't on. It's not like junction 21 of the M1 or junction 12 of the M6 (Cannock) where that sort of thing would be more readily acceptable. Winchester for goodness sake....

Nope. Never.

And I don't actually think I know anyone that stupid

Of course not @Dirtydonna but no one wants a dead 6 year old either.

We all know you can't legislate for Stupid

We know she's NINE. it's still very DANGEROUS.

This. You plan the stops and only allow sips of water in-between.

These refuge spots are monitored by CCTV 24 hours a day. They have stop vehicle detectors on them and are alerted when a car enters. Its dangerous to exit them without using the phone, so the other drivers on the motorway should be slowed to prevent accidents.

With an experienced traffic officer in the family I can tell you, you were 100% wrong and after some of the experiences I have dealt with I can also tell you that you should have let her wet the car. I would advise anyone the same, especially if it's someone you care about.

Depends where you live CCTV does go out now and again.

Mm there is good chance your stop will be spotted on CCTV and you'll get a fine and possibly points on the drivers licence through the post.

Absolutely!
As a woman in her 40s I still remember the agony of holding on for 30 minutes to prevent myself weeing in the back of my parents' car when I was 16. People (mainly my husband and sons) simply don't "get" why I always have a precautionary pee before I get in the car or if I see public toilets when we're out and about.
Hopefully @TheWrongBus and her daughter have learned their lesson from this episode and will ensure that there is never a repeat.

Maybe have a bit of a think...

What could possibly go wrong?

Ultimately the risks were:

1. she wets herself
2. stop and risk a collision at motorway speeds with a vehicle driving into you

Whilst you could have handled the run up better this point these were the risks to balance. It’s madness to stop on a motorway unless the risk you are balancing is greater than the risk of stopping.

Granted I have DS's but we used to carry a wide necked Fabric softener bottle for them to wee in
This would probably work for a DD with a funnel in the top
Carry " bog in a bag"..type things but of course you should've stopped when she first told you
You are supposed to contact highways agency to effectively stop the traffic so you can rejoin or rather the Emergency services would!
I actually do hope you're fined.
You risked losing your daughter for the sake of a wee

I'm sure 100s of people do this every year.

If your daughter had been choking/having a seizure etc. then you stop.

If a nine year old (or even many adults tbh) told me they needed a wee I'd be trying to find a loo fairly quickly, not thinking they should wait an hour - especially during the school summer holidays when the motorways are often very busy.

What's done is done and presumably you were able to carry on with your journey safely.

But a motorway refuge on a smart motorway isn't like a layby on an A road. It's even more dangerous than a normal motorway hard shoulder (where one also shouldn't stop).

Moral of the story: don't expect kids to wait an hour to wee. And have a travel potty or Travel John for emergencies.

Don't do it again OP but I think, on this occasion, you had little choice so no point in worrying. I know you will impress upon your daughter not to drink her fill before leaving home to go on a long car journey. Just put it behind you now, many will have done the same in those circumstances.

Have you read literally any of the comments? I wouldn’t want a NINE year old GIRL to be run over, personally

The dents/scrapes and blood won't come out either if a lorry had hit it.