to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

[TheWrongBus]

Genuine question, curious if there is an official/legal answer.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

What I didn’t realise is that she’d drunk half her (large) bottle of water before we left home. She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

I check and we’re around 25 minutes from the next services and at least 15 minutes from the next junction. Daughter at this point starts to cry because she’s so desperate so we decide to pull into the SOS lay-bye and hubby takes her behind the crash barrier for a wee. From what he reports it’s clearly not the first time this spot has been used in this way….

I don’t like using the lay-bye for this purpose and appreciate there are dangers to stopping there but I’m not sure what else we could have done. With the M25 traffic and the M3 roadworks I think it was at least 50 minutes between the previous M25 junction and the next M3 junction and literally nowhere we could stop between. So what else could we have done?

Am hoping they don’t fine people for using these lay-byes in a non-emergency, but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

My child would pee themselves before I'd endanger our lives by stopping to wee on the motorway.

These are the rules that you should have followed:

@shallweorderpizza

From the survey people posted, it seems like 'most posters' don't realize the danger. They don't even know that they must leave the car immediately.
After all, when you drive past a lay-by, it looks like an empty space. And in normal traffic, you'd check if a space was clear before driving into it anyway, so what's the danger?
Motorway driving also isn't part of the driving test and the SMART motorway etc also isn't part of the Highway Code IIRC.

The danger is twofold here:

1. Another broken down vehicle maneuvering into the layby may not have the precision of control, as the focus is on exiting traffic as quickly as possible. SO it's very likely to smash into anything that's already there.
2. When rejoining fast moving traffic on the motorway, people on the left lane won't be looking left, for vehicles getting off the layby! This increases the danger of a crash.

Exit procedures exist for a reason. National Highways don't pay people to do all that for fun. Lives are at risk. Nobody is taking any enjoyment from this.

Granted it's easier with boys, but when DS was younger he used to pee in a coke bottle if he was desperate on a long trip. Never, ever would I pull over on a hard shoulder for him to relieve himself.

Until this happened today I honestly thought I wouldn’t stop in these circumstances, and I’d have argued the same as the rest of you (I’m very much a “rules control the fun” kinda gal!). But with daughter crying/about to wet her car seat and no junction for another 15 mins, I didn’t take much persuading that we should stop.

I think there are a lot of people pontificating on here OP that are in the 'until this happened' to us camp ... and might well actually do the same thing.

It happened. It's done. Next time you'll plan better, hopefully.

They were put on straight after I know it's a bit late then but I didn't think for a second they'd be able to open the door. DC was only 4, strapped tightly into a restrictive car seat in the middle seat and I genuinely didn't think it would be possible to even reach the door handle. It had never happened before and wasn't something that even crossed my mind as something that DC would attempt to do.

No they aren't. It killed my uncle and cousin.

Also @Hateam @shallweorderpizza Wee, poop, vomit, etc can be cleaned. Clothes can be changed.
Lives can't be reclaimed once lost.
It's that simple.

Pissing yourself is hardly a medical emergency ffs

@BluebellsareBlue
Thank you, the constant lay-bye was getting annoying 😉

Next time I’d actually listen to my daughter when she said she needed a wee. She told you, even gave you warning and you decided not to stop.

Have any of you driven on this part of the M3 recently? After many years of roadworks yet more long-lasting roadworks have been started, ironically to put in more refuges. All the cones and barriers gone in, with little sign of activity during the working day, I know people who are thinking of quitting jobs because they can’t take the M3 commute any more, all this 5 minutes to get to Longacres from the M25 since when are they a toilet stop!

Awful advice.

I don't think anyone is getting any enjoyment out of telling people that they have lost a relative or friend in this situation. I lost my son 2 years ago after he was hit by a car and it's not some lovely fucking story that fills me with joy if I ever tell anyone about it. A lot of people do die unnecessarily on the motorway and of course people on here are gonna mention that it happened in their life. It's all fine and dandy until that day it happens to you and I hope you never have to tell anyone about a devastating loss because you know first hand that stopping in these circumstances has killed someone you love. But you know best of course and think everyone is overreacting. Some people really are thick as fuck

@BorsetshireBanality 4 minutes from Junction 3 of the M3 to Longacres, not from the M25!

I've frequently used garden centre car parks as picnic stops on long journeys, plants and a toilet - what more could you want?! My favourite used to be near the Coldra roundabout off the M4

Yes and no. Sometimes you're on a looooong stretch of motorway. There's one on the M23 that literally goes on for miles before an exit. If you can pull over to a LAYBY (not the hard shoulder), I'd say yes. If you think they're acting up, and could probably hold it, then no.

I'd weigh it by 'driving distraction'. A child being a pain in the back seat, weeing herself etc, is going to take your mind off driving and you won't be giving due care and attention to the road.

This is why I find car motorway travel hell, especially with kids. I’m a confirmed public transport user. Much easier to take a leak/buy a coffee when travelling by train/bus/taxi.

This, 💯. People are so cavalier.
They've been lucky..it only takes a second for a tragedy.

A bigger danger is using the emergency only lay-by. See upthread.

@Ihopeithinkiknow I'm so sorry for your loss 💐.
It's infuriating how arrogant, ignorant and smug people are over seriously dangerous driving situations.

Whatever direction you were going on the M3 from the M25 I don't think it would take you 15 mins to get to the next junction. She is 9, she could have waited 10 mins for you to get off at the junction and pull into a side road.
I hope you are fined because what you did was very dangerous and you should count your lucky stars that none if you were injured.

The lay-bys on the motorway are actually emergency refuse areas. The clue is in the name they are for emergencies.

as has been pointed out many times in the thread if you need to use one you have to contact the highways agency for them to shut a lane to allow you to safely enter the main carriageway.

part of being a safe driver is learning how to block out distractions!

But these are not laybys as in place to stop, often on arterial roads. They are emergency bays as there are four lanes and no hard shoulder.

Why do you think the highway code didn't apply in this instance?