to stop in motorway SOS lay-by so DD could wee

[TheWrongBus]

Genuine question, curious if there is an official/legal answer.

Driving to West Country, inevitably stuck in bad traffic jams on M25, DD9 suggests she may need a wee at some point but we’re only about an hour away from our lunch stop so I tell her ideally we’ll push through.

What I didn’t realise is that she’d drunk half her (large) bottle of water before we left home. She admits this just as we’re joining the M3 where there are seemingly permanent roadworks, no hard shoulder and emergency SOS lay-byes only.

I check and we’re around 25 minutes from the next services and at least 15 minutes from the next junction. Daughter at this point starts to cry because she’s so desperate so we decide to pull into the SOS lay-bye and hubby takes her behind the crash barrier for a wee. From what he reports it’s clearly not the first time this spot has been used in this way….

I don’t like using the lay-bye for this purpose and appreciate there are dangers to stopping there but I’m not sure what else we could have done. With the M25 traffic and the M3 roadworks I think it was at least 50 minutes between the previous M25 junction and the next M3 junction and literally nowhere we could stop between. So what else could we have done?

Am hoping they don’t fine people for using these lay-byes in a non-emergency, but given daughter literally about to wet herself isn’t it arguably a medical emergency anyway?

M3 J1 has a Tesco right by it
J2 is the M25
J3 has Longacres garden centre by it, or a Sainsbury's along the A322
J4 has a Sainsbury's by it.

All for future reference if you need a toilet, though you could have found all this out by using Google maps, very easily

You're absolutely bonkers and shouldn't be trusted out with your grandchildren

Nope. You're a fool

I'd let my kids wet themselves rather than stop on the motorway. The only reason I would stop is if I broke down, or if I was medically incapacitated to the extent I couldn't drive. We've had to drive with kids covered in vomit until we could pull off at services, it's not pleasant but there is a good reason it's illegal to stop on the hard shoulder for a wee!

DH worked at the Highways Agency, as it was then, in the 1990s. The stats then showed that the average length of time a vehicle stood stationary on the hard shoulder before being crashed into was 7 minutes.

Never stop unless a genuine emergency.

It doesn't have to be dark or rush hour for someone to have an accident

This is absolutely ridiculous. 2 family members were killed because idiots did this. You acted irresponsibly and expect people to validate your excuses. You didn't plan your journey properly and put yourself and your daughter in danger because of the "emergency" of not wanting her to wet herself.

OP, wouldn't you rather have your Daughter crying and wetting herself in the car if need be, or potentially seriously injured or most likely dead after being hit by another vehicle?

Its not over dramatic rubbish... knowing the road has nothing to do with it, you dont know what is going to happn to vehicles travelling on that road no matter how well you know it.

It must be so nice to have the power to control other road users to prevent them colliding with you!

edit - this is for @GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Next time

1. she does not get given her water bottle until she is in the car
2. she is sent to the toilet before you leave the house
3. you let her cry
4. she just needs to wet herself

Just curious, does this also apply if anyone travelling in the car has a sudden bout of diarrhea?
Does that constitute a medical emergency?
(Full disclosure -- this has never happened to me and mine, thank God)

I'm really sorry to hear that @Mysinglepringle . I'm not a fan of smart motorways at all. Your relatives died because soneone was using the emergency area inappropriately or because there was no hard shoulder? I really really think this issue needs looking at again but the highways agency is insisting smart motorways are safer than traditional ones.

People seem misinformed. The m3 doesn’t have a hard shoulder, it’s a “smart motorway” which are known to be extremely dangerous to stop on. The SOS part is for actual emergencies, and very different to a hard shoulder. I get she couldn’t wait an hour but 15 minutes to the junction I’d have distracted. I also have sanitary pads in the car I’d have given her one to catch and leaks.

Yes. Just have to stop at the next services/ come off at the next junction.

Medical emergency is basically 999 serious

Think you have the answer now OP, (jeeze people love to give people a kicking) but I do think in general many people do not prepare properly for motorway driving. I do try and always have plastic bags, wipes, and a sealable box for emergencies in the car, even on a short motorway journey you could get trapped on there if it was closed etc. I bet a lot of people being cruel do not adequately prepare either!

No, not unless it is the driver and would make it so they couldnt safely continue driving.

A medical emergency is one in which immediate medical attention is required.

We had incontinence pants for this purpose. If needed, rip down the sides and slide under. If worse comes to worse and driving, kids can just slide themselves on and wee through their undies, then when you can stop undies can be ditched as well.

When ours were young, we did long road trips with many stretches where you didn’t hit the next town for 9 odd hours. So you needed spare petrol and any car problems, there was no phone signal but sos could be picked up by satellite and a flying emergency assist service would be sent out to fix if possible. Around every 3 hours on they have roadside toilets - absolutely rank. Pit toilets infested with blowies. Couldn’t pay me to use them🤢. However, after nearly rolling in a well concealed roadside ditch (long grass), having a close encounter with a nasty snake and another with a feral dog who seemed to literally come from nowhere, we stopped the roadside diy toilet stops and enforced use of the incontinence pants. They work a treat. I also wear them as standard in planes now after a painful flight that had turbulence for hours so no getting up for loo, and my bladder is weak as these days.

Illegal and dangerous. Highly irresponsible parenting OP. You put your entire family at risk, along with any other cars who have may needed to use the space for an actual emergency. At 9 your DD will have been able to hold it in, or at least should know better than to drink so much before a long car journey. Saying it was a medical emergency is a ridiculous excuse.

We had this with a vomiting child recently. We did not stop. We drove on with a weeping child and a car full of puke.

because stopping isn’t just illegal and against the rules. It’s incredibly, incredibly risky. It’s far far riskier than (for example) removing your seat belt for a bit. Because stationary cars on the hard shoulder/layby confuse other drivers and are regularly driven in to. Much more so than cars driving along in the normal manner. Then people just die. Straight up. It’s a high speed vehicle into a stopped one. You have very little chance.

Worth noting, if you do have to stop in a hard shoulder for a true emergency - IMMEDIATELY get everyone out of the car and climb out of the hard shoulder off the road. It is really really dangerous to be in the car (even in the rain or whatever).

(I know this was an sos lay-by not a hard shoulder, but it seemed a good opportunity to repeat this important safety advice!).

The first service station is at Fleet on the M3, about 20-30 minutes after joining. The next is Winchester 30 minutes later. Then there is Rownhams on M27 25 minutes later. You were foolish to stop.

Peebol bags. I use them at night when camping and always keep some handy in the car.

Also a thick towel in a plastic bag (without holes) works well in an emergency.

No, a medical emergency necessitating stopping on the hard should would be a situation where the driver is no longer able to drive. Hard shoulders are dangerous places. People die every year because other vehicles smash into the back of them on a hard shoulder. The hard shoulder exists as a place to stop where there is no way of continuing your journey (and everyone in the car should exit and wait behind the barrier). Someone having diarrhoea is unpleasant, but not worth putting lives at risk for. It can wait until the next junction.

I think under the circumstances, yanbu to have used the lay by, more for the sake of your distressed DD.

However, I do think you were being really unreasonable to expect your child to hold her wee for another hour after telling you she needed a wee.

She told you just before joining the motorway, so you should have pulled over and found a place nearby and not just been like ‘wait til lunch darling’ as you sailed onto the motorway and inevitable traffic jams.

It’s not her fault she needed a wee when she did.

Or any passenger needs immediate medical attention. My child sometimes needs suction to maintain his airway and he can have prolonged seizures, in either of those situations I would have to stop as it is only me and him in the car.