For helping to clean up in a restaurant after DC

[Starsponge]

On holiday and my youngest made a huge mess in the all inclusive buffet, yogurt all over the floor, baked beans everywhere-utter destruction! I proceeded to clean up just before we were leaving, I cleaned the tables and picked up all the food on the floor. DH looked aghast as to why I was doing such a thing and him and teen DS laughed that I was taking the jobs away from the waiting staff. I argued that these jobs are low paid and it’s only polite to not leave a massive mess. My attempt to clean up was seen as ridiculous and DS and DH laughed their heads off 🙄

I’ve posted about DH before undoing any attempts to bring up our children to be polite, helpful and respectful. He was the one that I had to fight with when our oldest found iPods and I wanted him to hand them in.

I always clean up in cafes after my children have made a mess and would be embarrassed to leave it filthy. AIBU?

I always clean up after my children too. They're my responsibility along with any mess they make.

I always clear up too. Your DH sounds awful.

Sounds like your DH's attitudes have rubbed off on your DS, I'd be having a bloody good talk with him about it and if it doesn't improve I'd be asking him to leave....before your kids get any worse!

I’m with you. I always pick up big bits of food that have been thrown, make an effort to wipe up spills even if just with a baby wipe. Most of the time staff will come over and tell me not to worry, but I do think making an effort is the right thing to do.

Too many selfish people leave a mess for someone else. I've heard people say"thats their job" well I don't think it's fair to leave a mess for others.

You are correct and they should have helped. "taking jobs away" would be refilling the buffet and serving customers wouldn't it? Clearing up after your child is not their job. I'd be taking this on robustly with DH and DS and telling them that a LOT of women look closely at how men treat waiting staff etc as an indication of character when dating.

Of course you're correct. I'd have been furious at DH leading teen DS in actually laughing at you. Ffs. Even if he disagreed it is deeply unpleasant to actually mock you and encourage your child to also mock you. What on earth is that behaviour all about!

What a twat!
Terrible that your son has learnt this behaviour as well. My 17 year old dropped some food on a restaurant floor recently and proceeded to clean it up (nobody told him to and we weren't watching). Staff came along and told him don't worry they'll do it, he stopped and they took over. This all went exactly how I would hope it would and how I would expect him to behave. I was proud of him

I clean up after mine, always. It’s kind of like the bathroom in a hotel isn’t it, you may have a cleaner but would you really not make sure the toilet and sink were appropriate for someone else to find?

Of course you're correct OP. Keep doing what you are doing. Even if you don't clean up every bit, the attempt will be appreciated.
I write this as someone who worked in a food serving environment as a student - I still remember the days being made better by decent customers.

how old is your youngest, why weren't you making him clean up with your help?

I am with you (as is my Husband) we always clean up the mess on the floor and clean the chair down after our toddler has eaten in a cafe - good manners. Your Husband is been unreasonable here. You keep doing what you are doing 👍

Yes, it’s right to clean, your DH is setting a bad example.

How come dc was able to make such a huge mess?

Always tidied away. Ds works as a waiter at uni and is adamant we stack neatly for the sercer

You're absolutely right, but unfortunately there's many people who dont agree, and allow their dcs to throw and drop food in redysurants and cafes, usually not allowed in their own homes. It's just self entitled behaviour and lazy parenting.

You know 100% you're not being unreasonable to clean up.

I’ve posted about DH before undoing any attempts to bring up our children to be polite, helpful and respectful.

This is why your DS laughed at you 🤷‍♂️

I dropped a takeaway coffee in the gym reception and it splattered across the floor. Someone bumped into me. I helped the reception staff wipe it up with paper towels until the cleaners arrived. I did it why should the reception staff clean it up.

I had no control as someone bumped into me but you could have stopped your child from making such a mess in the first place.

Your DH is a disrespectful twat and he’s teaching your son to be the same. There is something particularly nasty about people who think low paid staff should clean up after them no matter how much shit they leave.

The staff will still need to clean up after you’ve left a normal amount to do at the end of a meal so leaving an extra huge toddler mess does not help provide them with work and you’d have to be thick as shit to believe it does.

Of course you're right OP, and your DH is an utter bellend (and apparently fast turning your eldest into one too).

What would his reaction be if you were shown to a table that was surrounded by beans and yoghurt? Because wiping and relaying the actual table is part of the staff's remit, not scrubbing the floors and wiping down chairs during service.

You have a DH problem. I bet he drops litter on the floor too or makes a mess at work, leaving tea stains on the worktop as it's the cleaners job to tidy up. I'd also put money on that he does the same at home as it's your job.

I've always cleaned up excessive mess.

Waiting staff are paid to clean up but I do think time gets a moral amount of cleaning to be left.

Same as I wipe a high chair tray and collect loose peas with a baby wipe.

You have done the right thing!
Your husband sounds vile and your son needs some bloody talking to.

Your DS was laughing at you? That's the most upsetting of the whole thing.

yogurt all over the floor, baked beans everywhere-utter destruction!

How did they manage this? I can understand a yoghurt being toppled over by accident, but it sounds like this was more. How is your toddler allowed to cause utter desruction?

Anyway, yes - I do a little clear up. If I drop something in a restaurant I pick it up, like I do at home. And definitely after small children.

You need to make your teen son help with the cleaning.

But really such a huge mess is not excusable in a public setting. Imagine how repulsive for the other patrons.

Why was your child able to cause "utter destruction" as you put it in the first place? Was this just at your table or were they strewing food all over the place at the buffet itself? Because if the latter that's really inconsiderate of other guests as well.

But yea with regards to actually cleaning up after your own child, of course you're right. Your husband is a cunt and it sounds like he's doing a good job of steering your son in the same direction.