For helping to clean up in a restaurant after DC

[Starsponge]

On holiday and my youngest made a huge mess in the all inclusive buffet, yogurt all over the floor, baked beans everywhere-utter destruction! I proceeded to clean up just before we were leaving, I cleaned the tables and picked up all the food on the floor. DH looked aghast as to why I was doing such a thing and him and teen DS laughed that I was taking the jobs away from the waiting staff. I argued that these jobs are low paid and it’s only polite to not leave a massive mess. My attempt to clean up was seen as ridiculous and DS and DH laughed their heads off 🙄

I’ve posted about DH before undoing any attempts to bring up our children to be polite, helpful and respectful. He was the one that I had to fight with when our oldest found iPods and I wanted him to hand them in.

I always clean up in cafes after my children have made a mess and would be embarrassed to leave it filthy. AIBU?

I really didn't like it when parents left a massive mess! I worked it at Zizzi and it could add 20 minutes on to clearing a table with all the mushed up food etc - you're definitely in the right!

Who says you can't tidy up your kids' disgusting mess AND leave a tip?

There is nothing worse than walking into a restaurant and seeing food and drinks spilt over the floor from previous people sitting at a table. I think adults should definitely be responsible for clearing up after children that are eating at their table. We were shown to a clean, clear table not so long ago only to find food, serviette’s and even a drinking tumbler on the floor where we were expected to put our feet. I do not expect anyone to get on their hands and knees under a table to pick up their children’s mess but at least ask staff for a dustpan and brush or make them aware of the issue so staff can clean up before the next patrons.
We have seen waiting staff vacuuming around a table because there was so much mess! so they can do it.

Sorry but your ‘dh’ is no role model for your kids.
that is quite appalling.
yanbu at all. Many many years ago i worked hospitality. I despised the parents that thought it was ok to leave shit smeared everywhere. I never do this. Workers will never be below me.

OP you are definitely in the right.
We've always cleared up anything that may have been dropped.
I'd also be pretty pissed off if as a customer, I then trod in spilt yogurt etc too not to mention overworked waiters.

Agreed. Obviously when I was waitressing I never expected anyone's table to be immaculate, especially if they had young children - small children do spill things and they do have sticky fingers and they do accidentally food sometimes, that's to be expected. And most parents were apologetic and would try to wipe up spills themselves or would even ask me for a cloth (in which case I always said 'Don't worry at all, I'll clean that up for you'). Most parents are, basically, like the OP - they're considerate and do their best, and it's appreciated.

But you could always immediately tell the difference between that standard level of accidental mess, and the mess left when the parents had just sat back and watched their kids eat like complete animals and amuse themselves by making a mess on purpose. I cleared tables where kids had been allowed to smear sauces on the table and draw faces in it, or where they'd left a bowl of dessert just upended on the table, or where the children had been throwing food at each other. Absolutely fucking disgusting.

I always clean up any excessive mess my child makes in restaurants etc., it’s showing basic respect for the staff. I want my son to grow up to be considerate of other people and not think that just because someone is paid to clean up, they are somehow lesser and deserve to be treated like crap.

Sound like your husband is an entitled arsehole and has raised your teenage son to follow in his footsteps.

I used to do this when mine were little, it surprises me how few people do this.

You sound like a great mum and all round decent human being. Best wishes with making your plans to leave, hopefully you've got some good support.

I always cleaned up as much as I could when mine were that age. We also had these big disposable mats that stuck to the table so could rip them up and contain everything.

It is not fair for waiting staff to have clear up toddler mess.

just apply the Golden Rule-
“Treat other people the way you would like to be treated”.

Now if I was a low paid cleaner / worker in an eating establishment and someone made an attempt to clear up a big mess I would be so pleased.

I'm glad to see that rarity of rarities, 100% YANBU! Thanks OP and other posters who do clean up, it's really selfish and unpleasant not to do so.

When my daughter was little, she'd often make a mess and I always did my best to clear it up. You expect a bit of food mess and spilled drinks, even with adults, but kids really making a mess and leaving it is completely selfish and disrespectful.

Dd was a food thrower. We had a large plastic mat to put under the high chair when we went away one year. Our dearly departed dog got ever so fat at home!

It's always good to teach your DC that we all clean up after ourselves. We don't just walk out and leave the mess for others.

Can only bode well for the future, in my opinion.....

I always have and always will clean up after my children.
Your husband sound awful sorry.

I've always cleaned up if my DS made a mess when he was small. It's about manners and respect. But I took him and my Godson out once for pizza and the family opposite made an unholy mess and just left it. The three of us were horrified.

I always think how people treat servers, or people on the check out is very telling.

As someone who waitressed years ago, you absolutely did the right thing. Normal messes were to be expected, and all the staff realised that kids can be ‘enthusiastic’ with their food, but most parents at least attempted to pick up after their kids with a few napkins and baby wipes. The ones that didn’t (barring the odd hurried departure with fussy/crying babies) were definitely seen as lazy and disrespectful.

I have a 7.5 month old, so been weaning about 6 weeks and I always clear up in a restaurant or cafe. She makes such a mess even if I try bring tidy foods.

I think because 1. She’s not yet eating food from the cafes so I don’t see why they should clean up food they don’t sell 2. Because she makes a mess that is 10x worse than an adult human

I absolutely judge the people that don't clean up after their children.

Leaving minimum wage workers to have to do more than what their job typically entails (reasonable mess) is incredibly rude.

Your DH is wrong and I'm sorry your efforts to raise respectful humans are being undermined.

Your DH sounds rude and disrespectful. Ignore him.

Having been a waitress in my youth I still remember the family who left a rolled up dirty nappy on the table with their plates and food detritus when they left...

I always make an effort to clean the worst of any toddler mess with wet wipes etc/sweep crimbs off the seat so next customer won't sit on them etc. it's just basic manners. Kid aren't that messy forever but while they are if you choose to eat out you clean up after them to the best of your ability.

This is a DH problem though. Mine might not notice to clean as much as me but he wouldn't undermine me doing it and would help if asked.

I’ve posted about DH before undoing any attempts to bring up our children to be polite, helpful and respectfu

and about your unhappy marriage no doubt

sounds like a bloody awful family environment for everyone with a father like this and a parental relationship like this

if you always do it

why did DH looked aghast ?

Nah they're U.
I clean up after my kids before I leave anywhere. Generally as they create pandemonium I say, please look away!! When we leave it'll look like we were never here!

YANBU, another one here who always cleans up after the DC in cafes, restaurants etc! It’s thoroughly unpleasant leaving a massive mess for the next people who want to sit there, especially if it’s all over the floor!