For helping to clean up in a restaurant after DC

[Starsponge]

On holiday and my youngest made a huge mess in the all inclusive buffet, yogurt all over the floor, baked beans everywhere-utter destruction! I proceeded to clean up just before we were leaving, I cleaned the tables and picked up all the food on the floor. DH looked aghast as to why I was doing such a thing and him and teen DS laughed that I was taking the jobs away from the waiting staff. I argued that these jobs are low paid and it’s only polite to not leave a massive mess. My attempt to clean up was seen as ridiculous and DS and DH laughed their heads off 🙄

I’ve posted about DH before undoing any attempts to bring up our children to be polite, helpful and respectful. He was the one that I had to fight with when our oldest found iPods and I wanted him to hand them in.

I always clean up in cafes after my children have made a mess and would be embarrassed to leave it filthy. AIBU?

I assume he is the kind of person who thinks it’s “admin’s” job (if they are women) to clear up his cups at work too.

Your DS has autism and eats very messily

so i’m surprised that your DH was so “aghast”

because surely it’s like this every time you eat out or at least every night at your AI holiday?

Whats happened at all the other meal times?

Wow, your DH sounds absolutely awful. The staff is probably understaffed and overworked and even if they're not, it's basic human decency to not leave a huge mess.

When I'm in a coffee shop I always clean up after myself because I used to work in one.

Oh they do not sound like nice ppl. Make a mess, clean it!
why does ds think it’s okay to make fun of mum and talk like that? If he’s watching you do it, the respectful thing is to offer to bend down instead of mum or to help mum. I can’t stand when kids are rude.

Exactly. The fact that neither the husband nor the son has the least bit automatic impulse to lean down and help shrieks volumes.

Not only do they stand their and watch her do the dirty work, they jeer at her while simultaneously displaying contempt for the restaurant staff.

A teen doesn't get that way overnight.

You did the right thing. Who wouldn't clean up after their child. It's over and above what is expected for a normal visit to a restaurant.

Your DH and sounds like clowns if the worst kind. Ugh just trashy.

I'm sure this isn't a new attitude from your husband as you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat waiting and cleaning staff. Attitudes like your husband's, now passed on on to your DS would be ared flag to me from the very start.

Thank you.

For the life of me I do not understand why parents who feel they must take messy eaters to cafes don't bring a mat, blanket or even a bin bag to put underneath the child. It's so disgusting.

Good for you OP. You're right. Your husband and son are wrong.

I thought everyone did this? I certainly do.

Helping is only fair if your child made an 'unusually high' amount of mess. This would apply anywhere.

But I find it amusing how many of the responses above are 'absolutely I would help', when I see the exact opposite when I go out for meals, etc. Even the post last week about a child peeing in a supermarket - half the responses were 'not my job'.

So take everything with a pinch of salt on MN.

They sound like a pair of embarrassing buffoons.

Very commendable I'm sure. But it would be better if it hadn't happened in tne first place. Sounds like your child is not ready to eat in a restaurant yet. The amount of mess you describe is unacceptable.

I waited tables quite a lot when I was younger and I'd have wanted to hug you if I saw you pick up the fallout from your child. Its basic manners not many have anymore.

Once a woman let her children shred an entire sunday newspaper, we had to fish out the silverware etc from the mess. It looked like a rabbit hutch! Then the next morning she appeared to request a special breakfast prepared and was shocked when we declined.

Where are they supposed to eat? They are a family at an all-inclusive hotel.

DS and DH laughed their heads off 🙄

Goodness, they are easily amused! Don't let them watch Mrs Brown's Boys for goodness sake, they will be rolling about laughing for hours 😁

They're both entitled arseholes.

Your husband sounds terrible 😱

Come off it. It's the buffet at a family hotel, not the tea room at Claridge's. It's supposed to be a room that young children find themselves comfortable in.

Your H is an arrogant entitled misogynist arsehole: well done for being in the process of leaving him.

Hopefully your Ds will benefit from having less of him as a role model, and being used by your DH to bully and undermine you.

Same, everyone I know with kids does or has done this.

If we are out and dc2 makes a mess I will clean it up as best I can. It's good manners surely? Your dh sounds like an arsehole tbh