For helping to clean up in a restaurant after DC

[Starsponge]

On holiday and my youngest made a huge mess in the all inclusive buffet, yogurt all over the floor, baked beans everywhere-utter destruction! I proceeded to clean up just before we were leaving, I cleaned the tables and picked up all the food on the floor. DH looked aghast as to why I was doing such a thing and him and teen DS laughed that I was taking the jobs away from the waiting staff. I argued that these jobs are low paid and it’s only polite to not leave a massive mess. My attempt to clean up was seen as ridiculous and DS and DH laughed their heads off 🙄

I’ve posted about DH before undoing any attempts to bring up our children to be polite, helpful and respectful. He was the one that I had to fight with when our oldest found iPods and I wanted him to hand them in.

I always clean up in cafes after my children have made a mess and would be embarrassed to leave it filthy. AIBU?

Yeah I'm guessing that's why OP was cleaning it up

I’ve (perhaps wrongly) assumed the “total destruction” was caused by a weaning baby.

I was a cleaner for a good few years and I think the attitude of "the cleaner will do it, that's their job", is fucking disgusting. Its appalling the way some people feel no shame in leaving a huge mess because there's a cleaner on site. I always clean up after my toddler too. Its a few seconds that really doesn't take massive effort and it's respectful of the place and it's staff. Your husband sounds like a first class twat🤨

Sorry to read about your DH and his wish to be abusive to those who work in restaurants or cafes. They are not his servants.

Your husband and teens sound dreadful. Anyone who treats someone in service badly eg in restaurants or retail should be ashamed of themselves.

Not unreasonable, it riles me when people with DC leave excessive mess behind in restaurants.

Same with hotel rooms. Someone I dated once questioned why I was “cleaning” a hotel room we were about to check out of and said it was weird. There was no cleaning, I simply made sure our excess rubbish (takeaway coffee cups, random wrappers, disposable contact lense packaging etc were all in the bin rather than strewn about the room and wet towels were in the bathroom) gave me the ick that he didn’t see that stuff as an issue tbh.

I've done a user name search - actually to find the age of the younger child, but have found that OP is in the process of leaving this abusive man.

💐for you OP. This sounds like a tiny event on the scale of things. It must be awful being on holiday at the moment.

When mine was at that stage I used to carry a little dustpan and brush around with me to cafes. Honestly I couldn't have just left it.

@tribalmango did you find out the age of the child who made the mess. I think most of us are assuming baby/toddler but some are being shitty obviously thinking older child

Crumbs etc I leave as they are to be expected and need a brush but chunks of food or massive yogurt mess I would definitely clear up! He and your teen sound rude, difficult if you have explained before and your DH still has the attitude

Your husband is vile and your son is learning to be vile from him.

It is absolutely normal to either make sure your child either does not make too much mess when out, even if that means spoon-feeding them messy stuff, or clean it up.

Your dh's attitude stinks. Stand firm with what you know is right to both your dh and you dc. If he continues to undermine you, it is no life living with that day in day out.

Yanbu, your ‘d’h sounds like a selfish arse and I’d think carefully about what kind of role model is being to your dc.

Of course you pick up after your small kids so they get used to seeing it and when they are old enough they help. I didn’t take a dustpan and brush around me when I had small ones but we’d always check under the table for any big obviously pieces of food and give the table a wipe over with a wet wipe.

in the same way that we have a cleaner at home but I don’t leave our breakfast remains over the floor for her to deal with, it’s very rude.

This. All of this

Which is great. But it sounds like it's too late for the older boy, which is a tragedy. For him and for everyone else too.

I think I would rather a tip though.

Thank you, I am in the process of leaving him and putting together a plan, this holiday was already booked and we had received funding to take our disabled child away so I didn’t want him to miss out. Thanks to everyone who’s replied so far, I know I’m in the right and it’s always such a massive fight when it comes to teaching my children morels etc when DH undos everything.

DS (youngest) is autistic and can be messy eating, he will only sit for a very limited amount of time and DH and I have to quickly eat our food too, DS is messy but I always clean up after him and he does understand cleaning too and tries to help as much as he can ☺️

Pros of being together:

Pros of being apart:
Kids won't join in his mocking and pick up that nasty habit or abusive dynamic.

I have no kids but if I am eating a crumbly cake or biscuit and crumbs end up on the table, I always do a quick tidy round. My favourite cafe is outdoors and I will secure serviettes and any paper debris as well. Its what normal adults do.

You are doing a great job! I do the same, even though mine are older. I still stack the plates or tell the children to ensure napkins, cutlery are on the plates.

I will forever clean up as best I can after my children!

If I ask for a brush & they tell me to leave it, so be it.

Your husband needs to be taught some manners.

Your dh is a toxic scumbag teaching your ds to laugh at you.

You did the right thing cleaning up and have nothing but my praise, the state some parents leave their tables is embarrassing.

I can't even think how a child made that mess at the buffet, fair enough at your table. But you did the right thing and your husband and son sound awful, I couldn't tolerate that attitude.

Wow 315 votes. Unanimous verdict!

YANBU and your DH is a twat with no manners.