Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

Does she watch YouTube? There is a family on there and one of the girls talks like this. She could be mimicking her.

They're called the McFive Circus and are very popular but the middle kid speaks just like this.

Eff that. No. I’m NOT indulging my eight year old / who has no clue her Dad lost her job because we hide it from her - to talk like a baby.

Nope. Sorry but No. She has no clue, and we’ve hidden it from her because if she found out she’d be even more relentless with the baby speech.

My child goes into year four in two weeks.

Can you tell us more about this?

You say she is usually as good as gold and this is quite new. But you have had her to 3 psychiatrists and discussed the possibility of autism with the school. Is that all over this baby talk? How long has it been going on?

Or is there other issues that have led to you speak to the school and seek psychiatrists?

My 5yo son started this when his little sister started learning to talk. He would start with the whiny baby voice and it drove me up the wall. We refused to respond to it and just said 'I don't understand baby talk'. On occasion he still tries it 'can I have my bot bot' (water bottle) and I'll just ignore. Kids can be so irritating hahahaa

My 7 year old does this on occasion... If she wants to be a baby, that's fine, but babies don't get screens, or children's toys, or invited to parties etc. Never lasts too long! But it sets my teeth on edge too 😉

How do you know? She could just be acting out? It does happen!

I wish we could have more children, partner and I both have issues because of long Covid so it’s not on the cards for us

Mine did that at around age 8, more of a baby's voice that using babyish speech, so sort of soft and a bit whiny with the odd "baby" word. It really annoyed me and I did my best to ignore it. They did it at school too until their teacher said they were too grown up and clever to talk like that. I reinforced this at home along with quite a bit of gritted teeth ignoring. Never got to the bottom of why they did it, I did try to explore if anything was troubling them but nothing ever came to light. Wonder if it is a reaction to feeling a bit worried about growing up?

If you have 2 nephews that are ND then it's in the family. That info changed everything for me and I'd bet anything she's ND (Asperger's in old money) and that that will become more obvious as she heads towards secondary school age. The same happened with mine who was diagnosed at 11 and then really struggled at secondary after having a fairly smooth time at primary school until around Yr 4/5.

Unless the psych's you saw specialised in ASD I wouldn't take their word for it and I definitely wouldn't take a teachers word! How do the teachers explain her baby talk? DS's teachers made him sound perfect in the information they had to fill out! Fortunately he was seen by an ASD specialist and diagnosed in 45 minutes.

Be gentle with her, this isn't the end of the world but it's unusual behaviour that she is doing for some reason. It might actually stem from her already really struggling with friendships at school and regressing to a time when she felt safe and accepted as this is the age when difference in maturity just starts to widen between NT and ND kids.

I would avoid getting so angry or so upset or just ignoring her, just gently encourage her to ask properly. I feel really sorry for tbh.

Our autistic daughter does this. If it's got to the point where other children are avoiding her then it sounds like she's got some social struggles. Most children who are just choosing to mess around would stop at that point.

There’s nothing bothering her, she’s just being difficult

Something is bothering her. You cannot put adult expectations of behaviour onto a developing child. Others here have pointed out that children fo pick up on something going on and you have rejected that. You shouldn't scold for tantrums, either. Children are not fully developed adults with the ability to process events and emotions as adults. Best to talk with her about what is wrong and try to help her try to verbalize it.

It's tough. I know. You have a lot on your plate atm🩷

She is obviously gaining some comfort from it so I wouldn’t make a massive deal out of it. I would tell her that it is best not to do it with friends and people outside the family because it can be really irritating, but it is fine at home. It will probably pass quicker if you don’t fight it. It may not be the cause of her friendship issues and could actually be because of problems with friends.

@SummerSnowstorm the only reason I could think of is because a friend has a new baby but we hardly see this friend (friend lives in Suffolk and we live in south wales)

it’s driving me insane, there’s nothing wrong with her. But she won’t stop

What is she like if she has a friend round? Does she do it then?

Being monolingual is a minority status worldwide. I speak 4 languages!

Yes I remember my mum saying my sister did this after spending time with family in teeside.
my eldest is 8 and also hearing a lot of baby talk. Sometimes I let it go, sometimes I don’t understand.
it will get better (I hope)

To me it sounds like attention seeking and if you ignore it then she will probably stop.
But she's still very young. A lot of primary age kids can revert back to younger behaviours when they feel a bit threatened or worried about something.
Can you ask her in a non threatening way if there's anything wrong or anything worrying her?
She might be feeling worried about growing up and going back to school. Maybe some of her peers are getting into older stuff like boys and makeup and she doesn't feel ready for that?
She may need reassurance that she's still your little girl and doesn't have to do grown up things yet.

My 5 year old DD randomly does this.

We tend to tell her babies don't get things that a 5 year old gets, then tell her it is nap time and say we are going to take her to bed or that we going to make her a bottle. We then change the subject and she then stops.

Oddly she doesn't do this for longer periods if she has actually been around a child under 2.

Hmm, I bet she absolutely does know and that's behind this behaviour.

Why did she see three psychiatrists, OP?

@Pomegranatecarnage we only speak English. I spoke welsh as a child. But don’t remember any of it now

OP, I mean this gently - but you sound very defensive here.

Sorry to hear your husband lost his job, but why are you mentioning it’s not ‘his fault’? Surely that would be presumed in the first instance.

Would he not be able to say to her in an age appropriate way that he has left his job and is now looking for another one?

What is your daughter’s relationship like with him? Do you all spend quality time together?

So many trips to psychiatrists and conversations with teachers indicate that something is affecting her.

Are there things at home and in your relationships that need to improve?

You sound frazzled, and although your daughter is not growing up in a ‘broken home’, it doesn’t sound like a happy one.

I’m not writing this to make you feel guilty, but just to relay back to you the picture you have been painting here.

She’s old enough to know that it’s winding you up and she’s pushing/testing your boundaries. My DD is nearly 8 and doing similar with other things. Doing my tits in frankly but I know it will pass 🤪

Try not to show your irritation, although easier said than done. It’s part of the fun for her.

Blimey I'm even more impressed now that you say you're in south wales and have managed to find three psychiatrists.
we could only find two private providers in the whole of south wales and waited years for a referral to the biggest hospital in south east wales
fair play provision and access must have moved on a lot in the last few years
wish it had been like that a few years ago

I’m not sure what relevance you’d think her speaking like a baby would be because she’s from a broken home?

I thought some Welsh people travelled to England for medical care.