Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

You've reminded me of a friends DD who went through this phase, I think she was actually a bit older, maybe 10 or 11. Her parents indulged her to some degree, for example using a babyish version of her name when talking about/to her. We only saw them for a few hours a month and that was enough for it to drive us crazy so I definitely sympathise! She did grow out of it, in her case I think starting high school made her realise how silly it was.

The tone of your OP is off to me. You don’t sound kind.

Could you treat her like a baby when she talks like one? Wear a bib if at mealtimes, early bedtime, afternoon nap, baby food etc.
I know this may not work, but it may give you a bit of fun and stop you from throttling her! You have my sympathies.

Your reaction is rather dramatic. I think you need to relax and release your need for your DD to be ‘normal’.

Broken home? Ignoring that, it sounds like a normal phase.

You need to look into why it is causing such a strong reaction for you.

Just ignore and speak to her normally.

“she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter”

What a weird thing to say. Specifically a daughter?

How come she has been assessed by three psychiatrists?

@Maryahadaballtoday
I am head of a school for students who are autistic and mask their autism and anxiety. Your DD sounds like our students. Girls are often diagnosed late because they strive so hard to fit in and fly under the radar. Our students have often been model pupils in previous schools until they started to fall to pieces and often became unable to attend. Parents have often been told that their child isn't autistic by professionals who simply don't have the knowledge and skills to recognise a masking profile.

There is a strong genetic component to autism and your DD has autistic family members. I think it is highly likely that she is ND. It may be that using the baby voice is the only way she can communicate her distress. Regression like this is quite common in autistic young people when they are struggling to regulate their emotions. She may well not realise why she feels how she feels, in which case she won't be able to explain her emotions to you.

Your DD is at an age where friendships start to break down, as the gap in social skills starts to widen and the autistic child starts to miss out on the more subtle aspects of social communication. It is more likely that this is the cause of the friendship breakdown and the baby voice is the result.

If she is autistic, your DD needs your love and support, stability, routine and understanding. You are her source of predictability and reassurance. Try to recognise that the baby voice is her asking you to help her feel safe and protected as you did when she was younger.

Punishing her and ignoring her are both likely to increase her stress and anxiety.

Spend some time researching masking or camouflaging in girls with autism. Tony Attwood describes it well, as do lots of other people.

Hi from South Wales!! 👋
How long has this been going on for? Your oh is right to ignore the behavior. She is feeding off you giving the baby talk, attention. Just ignore her when she does this and respond to her when she speaks normal. I'm sure it will fizzle out then.

"It’s stressing me out big time. She goes into year 4 in September and I know for a fact her teacher won’t take her nonsense. He taught my oldest nephre (who’s just turned fifteen)"

@Maryahadaballtoday I think this is going to be a great thing tbh, I know two weeks probably feels like an eternity to you right now but just keep doing what you & her dad are doing by largely ignoring it or at least not actively engaging/encouraging her, I can feel how stressed you are jumping off the page & I know how miserable that can be 💐

Mine drove me barmy copying from US childrens TV characters voices.

For DD it was Sam from “iCarly” for DS it was Brick from “ The Middle”
not baby voices but irritating, I had to say “speak to me in your voice not x”

they did stop thankfully

Sounds like it is to get a reaction and she is getting it.

I would agree with the advice to ignore it.

I hope for better things for you with your husband employment.

My DS started talking in a babyish voice years ago after his younger cousin visited for a weekend and was being fussed over, so the cause was obvious for us. It persisted for quite some time no matter what we did or said, so I understand your frustration. He is 10 now and we still have to say ‘your voice’ to him when he slips back into it, which isn’t very often now.

Quite possible that lack of routine (compared to school term) has thrown her. She may looking at the next school year, feeling a bit daunted about “growing up” . Maybe lots of unintended comments about her being a big girl etc
lots of different ways to try and help her, from playing along (give her baby food and 6pm bedtimes 😁), to reassuring that she will always be your baby (even when she is 50), to talk about lovely babyhood memories to how exciting it is to grow up and that you have and will be there through it all.
Hold on OP, the new school year is looming and it will settle. Just try and keep your sanity whilst trying to make her feel secure. Can you talk about older kid days out (theme park, theatre) but take her to some younger child activities..soft play, kids farms. Feed her hunger for babyhood and maybe she will realise that older kid things are more fun.
I would not feel confident saying this is ND behaviour as opposed to a child who realises that change and growing up can be scary and boring (homework, chores etc) and maybe feeling a bit out of sync .

Ignore it. Ignore her. She's clearly enjoying riling you up.

Haha. Did she do the Liam walk?

I once met a friend`s sister on a lunch break that spoke and acted like bridget jones or thought she did my friend was dieing inside i was cringing.
We left as we had to get back to work although that was a lie we only done half day we couldent sit any longer.
So its not just children that do it.

I would ignore it, and by that I mean ignore the baby voice but listen to what she is saying. My older children both reverted to baby voices in phases. Both for different reasons - my son does it when he’s stressed. Is she worried about school going back? Or you mentioned a fall out with friends?

I think she’s probably just communicating her distress about something.

I’ve got a family member who started doing this, it gets on everyone’s tits. Bad news is she’s now in her 50s.

Haha sorry that made me giggle

Maybe your child has intuited that something is wrong?

Children who are bright and tuned in to parents (especially am only child who has no siblings to take their attention) can often sense when something is up.

They don't always respond by thinking, "I'll be extra mature, helpful, and quiet, and not give mum and dad any more stress than they're already dealing with" They sometimes try to deflect the worry by providing a diversion. Or they seek reassurance that regardless of what's on mum and dad's minds, they are still going to be looked after.

I think you're looking at this all wrong. Sorry to be blunt.

Typically developing children with no additional issues have not seen 3 psychiatrists by the time they are 8 or 9. There is something more going on than just baby talk. I’d be trying a specialist child psychologist.

@Maryahadaballtoday My dd went through a phase like this and it is very annoying. I followed expert advice to ignore the baby talk and give lots of attention for desired behaviours.

But, what really worked for me was that when she spoke in her baby voice I mirrored her and spoke to her in a baby voice. She didn’t like it and told me to stop using that voice because it was annoying. I said yes it is annoying and when you speak in a baby voice other people find it annoying too. Any time she spoke in a baby voice I mirrored her and she stopped. She doesn’t do it anymore thank goodness.

It’s interesting there was a post made about this over 10 years ago with a similar issue.

Not one mention of anyone being neurodivergent and it was quite a common issue. Also the people who felt frustrated over their child talking in a baby voice received sympathy and understanding rather then being told that they are impatient or like one pp on this thread told they must not like their daughter.

I used to talk in an American accent at a similar age because it annoyed my dad, I found it funny seeing him get so frustrated and sometimes he’d mimic me or do an American accent himself which I found hilarious, he’d storm about the living room red in the face repeating lines off friends when I was watching it 😂.
I did it for so long it became a habit and I struggled to stop when I actually wanted to.

I got my comeuppance when my niece did the same at 12 and I realised how annoying it was, I used to have to walk away from her and in the end told her I wasn’t looking after her until she spoke properly. She didn’t even know she was doing it but got so fed up of being constantly corrected she made a conscious effort to stop.

I have a friend in her 40s who talks in a baby voice and it drove me so crazy I actually created a thread on here for advice dealing with it. I showed her it in the end! She still does it sometimes but just to wind me up and we both laugh about it now.

I’m neurodivergent and make stupid noises sometimes without realising, it’s usually just when I’m at home with DP though and he’s used to it. I heard a member of staff at the gym doing similar the other night when he was coming into the car park and didn’t realise I was there. He’s also ND so we had a little bonding chat over it 😂.

There is something about someone talking in a fake voice or copying a different accent that winds some people up. It’s grating and hard to deal with and it doesn’t matter if they are an adult or a child.

If you do come back OP there are some good suggestions on this old thread I’ve linked.

For the people offended by the “broken home” comment, as a pp said, it was likely to stop the questions about if parents are still together or if their are stepparents or siblings or parents are getting divorced.
I can see why the term might be offensive but people do use that phrase for families where parents have separated or blended. If a phrase isn’t intended to offend then it’s pointless wasting time being offended. If it’s harmful in some way like racist or ablest then point it out and educate nicely, if not then just see it how it was intended and move past it.
8 year old talking in a baby voice

@Salumthecat thank you for linking that thread from 2011. There is a lot of helpful advice on it and it reminded me of what Mumsnet used to be like: parents supporting each other and helping each other out. Now there is far too much gaslighting and tearing people down. And to get the support and helpful advice you have to scroll through the crap to find it.

@Maryahadaballtoday I hope you come back and see the link Salumthecat posted. I think you’ll find it helpful and connected with parents who understand and have been through what you’re going through now.

OP kindly, can I ask what the reason is that she has seen 3 psychiatrists? Was this for the baby talking?

I have a habit as an adult speaking in different accents sometimes for a laugh (with my kids/husband - not at work!) I don't know why but I think it sounds funny - I don't think I'm ND and I wouldn't keep it up if it was annoying people. Sometimes humans do weird stuff for no rhyme or reason!

Don't forget, it is a loooong summer... most of us are hanging for the kids to go back!

Hoping it is just a phase and the distraction of going back to school will help to break this habit.

Now questioning if my habit is annoying...😂