Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

Why are you so determined to label a child you don't know. Weirdo!

I actually feel for your child, you seem to be quite harsh on her, there's clearly a reason why she's doing this, maybe it's a attention thing? Any attention is attention in some children's eyes, maybe it's because there is some underlying issue, maybe you need to do some "grown up" things together like go and have a little pamper day, paint your nails, face mask, movie and a giggle to make her realise she enjoys being "grown up". Sit down and talk to her and get to them bottom of why she's talking like that in a calm manner and tell her you just want to understand. Give her a break!

But you said in your OP ”a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter” so that doesn’t really make sense. Why say you didn’t want another daughter? Could she have picked up on this?

Something is troubling your daughter OP and you need to talk to her and find out what it is. Could she have picked up on the tension from her dad losing his job? Is she upset that her friends haven’t wanted to see her over the summer? Is she worried about going into year 4? Does she not like the teacher? Maybe she thinks if she acts young she won’t have to move up.

Talk to her. Shutting yourself in a room crying will NOT be helping. If she sees her mum acting like a baby she’ll think it’s fine that she does too.

Honestly - I’d roll with it. Play along- meet her where she is and then explore it. My little one is younger (just turned three) and she likes to do this sometimes- usually it’s in connection to needing to be that little bit younger for a while. (eg. I recently needed to go to a&e following an accident - she needed a few days of knowing mummy was there and looking after her albeit with a wonky foot) Bonus points she has somehow managed to get that tiny baby toddle down to an art and it’s hilarious .

school is a BIG change - I’m not surprised she’s having big feelings about it and probably some of those are wishing she could be little and just wanting to go back to be cared for and safe with mum.

Yikes! Last para quite harsh! I think it’s actually fine for Dc to see sometimes parents cry or find things tough to work through. But they do work through it. We all feel like having a good cry sometimes. Why pretend it’s unnatural- so that they feel there’s something wrong and unusually weak or lacking in them when they are upset ?

Oops sorry I can be a bit blunt sometimes. But I don’t think it’s generally a good idea though for parents to flounce off and cry due to their DC’s behaviour, they should maybe try and deal with it in a more mature way. I guess though that sometimes you’re just at the end of your tether and can’t cope with it anymore. And also I’ve just remembered I did it once and didn’t really cover myself in glory. The kids take the piss out of me about it now!

Yes, that wording I can agree with more happily!

But if your child’s behaviour has pushed you to the frayed edge of your last nerve, @ClairDeLaLune, it may be better to remove yourself from the situation (as long as the child is safe), so you can calm down.

Thank you 😊

That does suggest you've had other quite serious causes for concern for a long time, over and above the baby talk. What are they?

Yes true I’m just thinking if the DD saw her mum like that, what might she think. Possibly this situation is self-perpetuating….

And actually I do agree with your point that crying about THEIR behaviour ( rather than grown up issues) is arguably a bit manipulative as a habit. But no harm done op: you had a bad day. Darkest before the light and all that!

I don't understand this. In your OP you said you were "perfectly fine" with just one child. Surely the reason you can't have more children is that your tubes were tied years ago?

It's pretty normal. I did it, my SD did it, my 4yo does it sometimes.
I just keep repeating, "I can't understand that baby voice," and refuse to engage with her until she speaks properly.

Get A grip. She’s not ‘hateful’, but her child has already been assessed. Stop trying to force your own diagnosis for some odd reason.

I think that the OP has left the building and is not coming back. 😔

This would drive me nuts.

I think it is really important to use positive reinforcement as much as possible so when your daughter is speaking to you in her normal voice, you can be effusive with your praise and say that you love when she speaks like a big girl.

Try not to let her hear you complaining about her baby voice or indeed let her see that she's winding you up. It sounds like it is attention driven and every time you complain or tell her to stop speaking like that she is garnering a reaction. I know it must be hard not to do that but I simply wouldn't make a fuss.

Kids do the weirdest things and this sounds like a bad habit and one she will be able to break away from. Kids often resort to being a baby/wanting to be coddled over when they are feeling out of their depth. If she is doing it with her peers it may be indicative that she needs some help with her social skills, which can be worked on.

It may be an idea to work with a play therapist for a few sessions to help her explore other, more useful ways, she can express herself.

I know I'm missing the point here but you said in your op that you had your tuves tied because you didn't want more children.

Anyway, it sounds unbearably annoying. I can one-up you though because I used to live with a 19 year old who did this. Slurped and gasped as she drank her squash from her bot bot, then loudly announced to everyone that she needed a wee wee. She also used to call me mummy. For fuck's sake.

She may well be picking up on the fact the adults are worried and seeking reassurance by acting like a baby. You really can't say she doesn't know something's wrong, she doesnt need to have heard anything, kids notice atmosphere's and emotions from their parents. My DD picked up on things with her dad at a much younger age.

Is there some way you can incentivise her to stop? I'm thinking like offering to take her somewhere or play a game she likes etc but if she replies in baby talk you say, "babies don't get to do X, but if I have any big girls who can talk in a grown up way here I'd love to take them/do that with them" You could do it with anything, even make a game of trying to find the big girl so she can do something with you or her dad.

She's nervous about going back to school.

Try to not take how she's acting as being any reflection on you - she is her own person. I would just ignore her when she uses it to speak to you.

If her new teacher won't take that language then she'll soon stop using it and you don't need to be embarrassed - he'll have seen it before I expect. If you want, send him an email to let him know the outcome of her psychologist's meetings and then he'll know that you are aware of it.

Why all the talk of op’s tubes?

I’d ignore it and only respond to normal voice. She will get the message. It would drive me crazy too

@Maryahadaballtoday .is it getting a reaction. ?(dad ignoring=reaction)
its never for nothing.
i dont care what psycs said and i hope to hell am WAY outta line
regress babyspeak is often a "cry for help"...i dont wanna spell that out-think with your head. not indicate abuse mybe BUT you are complete closed theres any actual reason for it.i suggest you
stop that n you might get somewhere. if stuffs went tits up/mum n dad not optimum health n will -like it or not have caught bits of daddys job news....
reinforce how proud you are at the "young lady"shes becoming.talk her through the baby photos../book...
shes not the enemy- (til shes bout 13,if you dont deal wi it today)
i hte i always sound brutal.i know is a million times easier look in fae outside. 8s not zakli very old at all. mum up

Okaaaaay

The more you get upset about it, the more she will do it.